He cancelled a date and is now angry I didn’t reply?

[Utopiana]

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish. We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay. Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

ITS BEEN LESS THAN 2 days.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text? I think any rational person knows someone’s not going to meet them for a meal at 11?

Wtf. No she doesn’t, in the fucking slightest!
she’s been perfectly controlled in her (lack of response). What an odd thing to say.
He doesn’t sound a bit controlling, he sounds like an utter arse, who is controlling.

Some of the posters on this thread have such low bars, and lack of self respect, it’s frightening!

Man is rude as fuck, cancels with one hour to spare, offers you the privilege of being his booty call, then lectures you about your communication skills?

I wouldn't reply. At all. Fuck him. Don't give him that satisfaction.

And God help whatever woman with zero self esteem ends up with him next....

He was trying to cram in another date with @Utopiana as back up/booty call

Thank you, that "naughty child" response is bonkers. Must be a wind up.

Perfect

You were not wrong to not reply.

All the folk saying you should have replied... Tell me, how many times have you cancelled someone an hour before meeting them because you "forgot it was your mates birthday"? Right. Exactly. Because grown ass women don't do this.

So this grade A loser is messing OP around, then has the audacity to patronise her when she doesn't go along (aka reply to) with what honestly looks like a booty call.

Good on you OP, we all need to keep saying no to these entitled men.

Yuck. He thinks women exist to please men and they shouldn’t upset the poor little darlings. And so do some of the posters on this thread. Fuck that! Kick him to the kerb!

I would message back: “Do you mean ‘learn’? You’re welcome! Bye!”

" idk how you feel about that ", he said.

Well now he does know. He knows that you felt it wasn't worth a second of your time. I'd not respond to his second arsey text either, purely because it seems to have offended him to be (rightfully) ignored.

And then I'd block him.

I am sorry to hear you are now dating my ex. You have my sympathies. 😉

I also got these little instructions on how you can be a better person. 6 years in and I finally gave him the shove, not before lasting damage was done!

you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you

PLEASE leave him on read. Remain silent! What he is offering is definitely not good enough for you (or anyone)

No idea why so many on this site encourage grovelling to men - unless they're men who behave like wankers themselves.

Silence to rude entitlement is absolutely perfect. Dignified. Says it all. His first text was piggish, his later response sounded testerical and tantrummy.

Bonus points that you annoyed him, perfect payback and he can't escalate or keep trying to score points.

He's absolutely shown himself for what he is.

Now block him so he never gets the opportunity to insult and demean you again.

Cancelling a date at short notice and ‘offering’ to call round at 11pm is scuzzy. Remember, not communicating is a form of communication in itself!

If inclined, I’d reply ‘I was too annoyed at your late cancellation and your 11pm proposal to respond. I am even more annoyed by your rudeness. So now you know how I feel.’

Cancelling with an hours notice is awful. Suggesting a booty call is just insulting. He’s a complete dick and your well rid. His follow up message tells you all you need to know - he will behave badly, without any consideration for you, expect sex and get nasty when it doesn’t happen. Run.

I agree you should have responded - and told him exactly what you thought of his ditching your original plans for something better, but still expecting you to make yourself available at his convenience after waiting around for him all night.

Fine we all need to see our friends and it's healthy to give time to those friendships.

Not fine to put you in a little box marked 'convenient'.

Let him know. Silence is passive aggressive; time for assertiveness.

Well, why didnt you reply? Maybe you were being petty because you were annoyed. Wanting a reaction out of him, which you've now got. But what does it matter anyway, youve known him a mere 2 months of your life so writing about him and analysing seems a waste of time. Just bin him if you dont like his style, simple

i would have done exactly the same as you, he was disrespectful of your time and energy so why would you be respectful of his? he didnt warrant a reply

dont u worry op i got u

I disagree that silence is passive aggressive. She’s under no obligation to respond at speed to a text (not even a phone call!) that cancels her evening.

It’s not petty to be annoyed. And it’s not petty to decide to do something else to busy and distract from one’s annoyance.

SleepPrettyDarling

I asked why OP didnt reply. I didnt say it was petty to be annoyed - nothing wrong with being petty at times. Nor did I say its wrong to be annoyed - its just that you've read it wrong.

Writing about the OPs post and trying incorrectly to analyse her seems a waste if time. Just scroll past if you don't think it matters, simple.

Correct. It's not remotely passive aggressive and again the term is being used incorrectly and makes a bad argument even worse.

Being passive aggressive means expressing negative feelings in an unassertive way.

The OP ignored a rude and entitled man assertively. It was a perfect assertive way to communicate. No response is also a response.

Total knobjockey!

Don’t reply. His second text was rude and very manipulative - implying you think you’re too good for him.
NEWSFLASH: You are.

Well played, very well played. He very badly needed putting in his place.