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Original poster

He cancelled a date and is now angry I didn’t reply?

594 replies

Utopiana · 27/05/2024 15:46

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish. We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay. Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

ITS BEEN LESS THAN 2 days.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text? I think any rational person knows someone’s not going to meet them for a meal at 11?

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 27/05/2024 19:50

He cancelled the date at the last minute for a different/better offer.

And there are posters on here that would say a good friend's birthday celebration should take priority over a man someone had been dating for less than 2 months 🤷🏻‍♀️

Last minute or not and a decent man would understand that.

category12 · 27/05/2024 19:51

GreyCarpet · 27/05/2024 19:42

He might actually just have felt bad about double booking, not wanted to let a long standing friend down and offered what he thought was a compromise.

It's posters on here who have turned it into a booty call. No one actually knows. He might actually have liked her and just wanted to see her...

If that were the case, being ignored for 2 days was rude.

If short notice cancellations had become a thing, she'd have Ben right to ig ore but no one is perfect, people misread situations, and mistakes are made. On both sides. Not all men are dicks. If they were, no one would ever get married. All men are single and dating before they meet someone to settle down with.

I'm no male apologist and there are a lot of things I wouldn't accept even once but I do also accept people are human and, until they learn someone else's boundaries, they don't know them.

Dating gives people on both sides an opportunity to work put what is/isn't acceptable and what they will tolerate.

Edited
Show quote history

If he felt bad about it, the apology should have been a lot better - it's incredibly to rude to cancel so close to when they were supposed to be meeting. His message was very casual, not acknowledging how rude it was of him. OP was fortunate she had friends available to go out with instead, otherwise she could have had ended up with a wasted evening.

And the suggestion of them seeing each other late at night was weak and obviously for sex. he could have offered to make it up to her with another date out.

Just really low effort on his part, and I'm glad OP has more sense than to accept it.

beergiggles · 27/05/2024 19:51

He might actually just have felt bad about double booking, not wanted to let a long standing friend down and offered what he thought was a compromise
But surely a decent man would NOT have responded to her lack of reply by telling her off like a domineering parent would a naughty child?
A decent person would be more like: are you ok, I've not heard back from you etc

Crumpetsssss · 27/05/2024 19:52

I came on to post a witty comeback, but I think the ‘thumbs up’ suggestions win. No explanation, no engagement, just 👍🏼

AliceOlive · 27/05/2024 19:57

beergiggles · 27/05/2024 19:51

He might actually just have felt bad about double booking, not wanted to let a long standing friend down and offered what he thought was a compromise
But surely a decent man would NOT have responded to her lack of reply by telling her off like a domineering parent would a naughty child?
A decent person would be more like: are you ok, I've not heard back from you etc

Edited

No decent man would pretend offering to meet up at 11PM was acceptable, either.

Lifelong · 27/05/2024 19:58

GreyCarpet · 27/05/2024 19:50

He cancelled the date at the last minute for a different/better offer.

And there are posters on here that would say a good friend's birthday celebration should take priority over a man someone had been dating for less than 2 months 🤷🏻‍♀️

Last minute or not and a decent man would understand that.

Nope.
Absolutely not.
The ONLY way a decent person would handle this IMO would be to contact her by phone immediately and tell her "so sorry I fxxked up, forgot my buddys birthday, would you mind if we do this tonight instead...its really important to me, hes a good mate, I will make it up to you".
Now THAT I could understand, accept, get on board with.
Being ditched ladt minute..... with the promise of a booty call at 11pm+🙄....yea...NO.....I don't think so... ....

CountingCrones · 27/05/2024 19:59

I am very much hoping @DatingDinosaur is a bloke. If a woman, her standards are so low as to be subterranean. That's just too depressing.

@GreyCarpet - if he had genuinely double booked and felt awful, he'd have phoned her. Possibly suggested they drop in on his mate's thing after their meal out (or whatever it was). Either way, one hour's notice is completely out of order.

If apologetic, he DEFINITELY wouldn't have offered to come by 4 hours later after getting pissed with his mates. That's "please go on standby until I'm available, then we can shag" territory.

OP, I'm delighted you went out with your mates instead. You're well rid of Mr Manners.

NotARealWookiie · 27/05/2024 19:59

StopStartStop · 27/05/2024 17:49

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish.
Not long enough for him to be making demands.

We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”
I 'feel' that he wants to go out with his mates and come round for a shag later. I 'feel' that he's a cunt. He's testing you - how much will you take? Answer - none. Great!

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay.
Maybe so.

Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.
Fabulous. Well done, that woman.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”
There's a level of threat there, isn't there. You need to, do you? Who says? Oh, him! You don't have to respond to ridiculous, disrespectful messages.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text?
You were 100% right. Block him!

We need a heart emoji response for comments like this.

AliceOlive · 27/05/2024 20:00

GreyCarpet · 27/05/2024 19:50

He cancelled the date at the last minute for a different/better offer.

And there are posters on here that would say a good friend's birthday celebration should take priority over a man someone had been dating for less than 2 months 🤷🏻‍♀️

Last minute or not and a decent man would understand that.

Then the answer is a phone call saying “Hey, I’ve really messed up and forgotten I had a prior commitment to attend my friend’s birthday. I am embarrassed and also disappointed because I really wanted to see you. Can we reschedule for tomorrow instead?”

Everyone messes up. But he messed up, made a ridiculous suggestion then insulted OP for her manners?

Cliedi · 27/05/2024 20:05

Absolutely you shouldn’t reply! I wouldn’t give him another millisecond of my time or thought. Bullet dodged!!

TruthorDie · 27/05/2024 20:07

NotARealWookiie · 27/05/2024 19:59

We need a heart emoji response for comments like this.

Show quote history

Totally. “You need to learn” but do you thought? The majority of people on here don’t think you do

sprigatito · 27/05/2024 20:07

I wouldn't tolerate anyone who addressed me so rudely. Who does he think he is?! Pompous dickwad.

LittleRedHen77 · 27/05/2024 20:08

arethereanyleftatall · 27/05/2024 19:07

The fact that he thinks he's getting the silent treatment rather than he's dumped is an indication of his arrogance and how he thinks it's absolutely fine to treat people like this.

👏👏 absolutely this. I think you are great OP, I wish more women had high standards of how they are willing to be treated

Gooseysgirl · 27/05/2024 20:11

I wouldn't give him the time of day again - lucky escape!!!!

Nottherealslimshady · 27/05/2024 20:12

"You cancelled a date an hour before we were due to meet, after I'd spent time getting ready and had turned down other plans, to go out with your mates. You showed me how little respect you have for me so why should I treat you any better? I went out with my friends and had a great night, I had no interest in waiting for you to have a booze up and come over for a medicre fuck as you'd hoped. Obviously we won't be seeing eachother again so I'd rather you not contact me again."

I would have replied initially "nah that's OK, have a good night." Then just told him you weren't interested in dating him the next time he messaged to meet up. But I dont think you were wrong not to reply l.

GreyCarpet · 27/05/2024 20:16

Look, I'm not saying he handled it well!

But no one follows a script. So I tend to give people a slight leeway for just not using the exact words I would or not doing something in the same way i would.

I've already said I wouldn't have seen him at 11pm either but I would have replied to say thanks but no thanks.

Now, if he'd been arsey about that...

commonsense61 · 27/05/2024 20:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ChateauMargaux · 27/05/2024 20:37

You were right - he was wrong - his message telling you off reached new levels of wrong.

Of course you can go silent ..

beergiggles · 27/05/2024 20:37

This man's "you need to learn" response was another way of saying "I'm the boss, you do as I expect or there will be consequences"

StaunchMomma · 27/05/2024 20:57

Utopiana · 27/05/2024 18:43

Where’s the game? I don’t want to speak to him, so I didn’t. Double booking yourself is fine, realising an hour before that you’ve double booked yourself is the behaviour of a teenager.

Show quote history

It's definitely the hour beforehand that's the kicker.

If he'd let you know that morning and you'd ignored him then that would have been petty, but an hour before you're due to meet?! Nope.

I'm glad you went out and had a fun night anyway.

I'd be calling it a day and wishing him luck in finding a woman who's prepared to put up with that shit.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 27/05/2024 21:00

Cherrysoup · 27/05/2024 18:47

He’s a cf! Cancelled at ridiculously short notice and says she’s rude?! Seriously!

This. I wouldn’t be seeing him again. And at 11pm? That’s a booty call.

SwingingPonytail · 27/05/2024 21:04

I'd have replied that 11pm was too late and wished him a lovely evening.

Then blocked him. And considered him an 'ex'.

You were rude not to reply but it's drawn out his true colours early on.

Easipeelerie · 27/05/2024 21:07

You’ve had a lucky escape from a patronising git.

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 27/05/2024 21:09

Sorry I agree with him. It's rude to just not respond. You should have said that as you'd got dressed up you'll make plans with friends or something. Not responding smells like a sulk.

Choochoo21 · 27/05/2024 21:09

I would have replied but mainly to tell him that you won’t be meeting him at 11 or again at all.

Its fine to cancel a date if it’s for a genuine reason.
It’s not fine to cancel it 2 hours before for something you’ve known about for ages.

I assume you’re done with him now?

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