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Original poster

He cancelled a date and is now angry I didn’t reply?

594 replies

Utopiana · 27/05/2024 15:46

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish. We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay. Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

ITS BEEN LESS THAN 2 days.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text? I think any rational person knows someone’s not going to meet them for a meal at 11?

OP posts:
gindreams · 28/05/2024 17:59

@WhoamI2say what absolute rubbish, why do people trot out that shit

NasiDagang · 28/05/2024 18:02

sandyhappypeople · 28/05/2024 16:04

Why does it?

If it happens once like this, benefit of the doubt, if it turns out to be more than once or a pattern then you're not going to continue anyway so what difference would it make? It doesn't set the precedence for anything IMO.

The problem is here is that if he IS genuine and has made a mistake, then you're throwing away a guy who actually has the decency to stick to his original commitments. If he isn't genuine, you'll soon find out.

If OP sets her standards so high that she doesn't believe a word any date says or doesn't take them at their word and always assumes any other commitments they have (friends or family etc) are lies and they've got someone else on the go.. she's going to have trouble dating anyone, whether they are genuine or not.

Show quote history

If you want to be messed around by a man it's up to you. But I think OP's behaviour is admirable. It's better to be single than in a horrible relationship.

MzHz · 28/05/2024 18:14

Utopiana · 28/05/2024 16:22

Occam’s Razor springs to mind.

  1. who forgets a close friends birthday when organising a date?
  2. who realises an hour before said date that they have a party that starts in an hour?
  3. who thinks any person would sit around until 11pm until they are summoned for a shag 😂

could never be me, but maybe I’ll be the happily single spinster on this awfully high horse I live on

Budge up… room on that horse for more?

Justthistime1234 · 28/05/2024 18:17

Well done Mumsnet and OP!
Love the Occam’s Razor too!

LiveLove24 · 28/05/2024 18:19

100% the right course of action.

He can fuck right off with that entitled attitude.

Changinforaday · 28/05/2024 18:20

@Utopiana You weren't remotely "rude". You "maintained a dignified silence"
FFS everyone.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 28/05/2024 18:25

Naunet · 28/05/2024 16:46

😂 gee, I wonder why you struggle….

Show quote history

Google translate doesn't do his language, for a start.

Jimbojobsworth · 28/05/2024 18:26

Yes you are wrong not replying it's called curtesy to reply ,unless he used bad words obviously

SamW98 · 28/05/2024 18:28

Jimbojobsworth · 28/05/2024 18:26

Yes you are wrong not replying it's called curtesy to reply ,unless he used bad words obviously

Why does someone who blows her out last minute for a better offer but still fancies a late night booty call deserve courtesy?

Scirocco · 28/05/2024 18:28

Jimbojobsworth · 28/05/2024 18:26

Yes you are wrong not replying it's called curtesy to reply ,unless he used bad words obviously

Courtesy can be expected when not attempting to arrange late night booty calls as a consolation prize.

SamW98 · 28/05/2024 18:28

gindreams · 28/05/2024 17:56

@sandyhappypeople you are incredibly naive if you think that message was anything other than a booty call

And a boundary test to see what he could get away with.

Honestly there’s some in here that could manage to be blind to the red flags at a communist party rally

Carouselfish · 28/05/2024 18:30

No man should be starting a sentence 'You need to learn...' to someone he is dating.

NoPowerInTheVerse · 28/05/2024 18:30

He can just push off if he's behaving like that this early on. Twat.

Block and move on.

(I'm obviously thinking of a stronger word than push.)

SlovenlyOldSlut · 28/05/2024 18:33

sandyhappypeople · 28/05/2024 16:04

Why does it?

If it happens once like this, benefit of the doubt, if it turns out to be more than once or a pattern then you're not going to continue anyway so what difference would it make? It doesn't set the precedence for anything IMO.

The problem is here is that if he IS genuine and has made a mistake, then you're throwing away a guy who actually has the decency to stick to his original commitments. If he isn't genuine, you'll soon find out.

If OP sets her standards so high that she doesn't believe a word any date says or doesn't take them at their word and always assumes any other commitments they have (friends or family etc) are lies and they've got someone else on the go.. she's going to have trouble dating anyone, whether they are genuine or not.

Show quote history

But if IS a nice person who made a genuine mistake, why, when OP didn’t reply, didn’t he send her something like “I can see I’ve really upset you. I didn’t mean to - it was an honest mistake and I couldn’t let Steve down - but I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance to make it up to you”?

He didn’t do that. He sent a message that shifts the blame to her for not replying, with no acknowledgment that it might be his fault that she didn’t.

gindreams · 28/05/2024 18:42

Jimbojobsworth · 28/05/2024 18:26

Yes you are wrong not replying it's called curtesy to reply ,unless he used bad words obviously

Well yea using "bad words" is much worse expecting a late night fuck

Cloudylilac · 28/05/2024 18:42

horseyhorsey17 · 28/05/2024 17:07

I recently started seeing a guy and told him I'm not glued to my phone and don't enjoy long text/Whatsapp conversations, and he kept sending me texts and then when I didn't respond, following up with texts saying he was getting paranoid I didn't like him. Drove me MAD. I ended it, obvs. I will die alone but it's better that way!

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Yeah if they can’t even listen and respond to a basic request like that, they’re going to be hard work and probably quite self centred so I don’t blame you. Rather be single than with a selfish person who disregards your needs!

fluffypuffyrug · 28/05/2024 18:43

I wouldn't have replied either, and it's a good job you didn't because he didn't take long to show his true colours. Cunt.

He binned you off at the last minute but made a half arsed offer to pick you up an hour before midnight, and was shocked that you didn't lap it up gratefully 😂

Jumpers4goalposts · 28/05/2024 18:47

You should have just replied with a thanks but no thanks. Not replying at all is a bit childish.

NasiDagang · 28/05/2024 18:54

Justthistime1234 · 28/05/2024 18:17

Well done Mumsnet and OP!
Love the Occam’s Razor too!

This is why I like Mumsnet, solidarity among women.

WhoamI2say · 28/05/2024 18:54

Chillout!! This is not personal and no one is finger pointing at you. Also I don't need to know anyone personally to know of the double standards. A lot of people have their lives out on social media so really it's not that hard to identify those with double standards. In fact a lot of women empowerment posts are double standard.

diddl · 28/05/2024 18:54

Jimbojobsworth · 28/05/2024 18:26

Yes you are wrong not replying it's called curtesy to reply ,unless he used bad words obviously

He doesn't deserve any courtesy.

settingss · 28/05/2024 18:58

You are completely in the right

Miriad · 28/05/2024 19:05

I can totally understand that someone might have accidentally double booked themselves. The issue is his behaviour.

He could have invited you to go to the party with him. He could have gone to the party until 9pm then excused himself and left to meet you. Or he could have apologised profusely and offered to make it up to you another day with a special date. Or - he could have called his friends and said he couldn’t come to the party because he’d arranged to see you!

He didn’t though. He offered to meet you at 11pm, which is basically a disrespectful booty call. He said “idk how you feel about that”. He should know how you feel about that! I didn’t see any apology at all in his original text, or any remorse for the mistake, or any offer to make up to you.

Then to top it all off, when you didn’t respond he failed to be apologetic, and instead tried to shift the blame! Honestly you’ve dodged a bullet, blocking him was the right thing to do.

BeavisMcTavish · 28/05/2024 19:19

Utopiana · 28/05/2024 14:23

I didn’t have any intention of replying. I’ve not replied?

Show quote history

Think you’ve both had a lucky escape… you think it’s reasonable to just ignore the message and sulk like a child?

he deserved a reply, even if a not very happy one. He’s an inconsiderate arsehole, but deliberate Silent treatment is the stuff of kids.

CandyLeBonBon · 28/05/2024 19:23

@BeavisMcTavish I think in this instance, the old phrase 'if you've got nothing nice to say, better to say nothing at all' fits the bill.

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