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Original poster

He cancelled a date and is now angry I didn’t reply?

594 replies

Utopiana · 27/05/2024 15:46

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish. We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay. Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

ITS BEEN LESS THAN 2 days.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text? I think any rational person knows someone’s not going to meet them for a meal at 11?

OP posts:
BurntBroccoli · 28/05/2024 12:50

Utopiana · 28/05/2024 12:41

A flood of “normal” messages now coming through with memes, jokes etc. blocked now

Good! Pleased you blocked him.
Onwards and upwards 😊

DotDashDot24 · 28/05/2024 12:51

I'm interested as to why he couldn't have just taken you along to the birthday party.

The only way this would be been ok was if he said that "I'm an idiot and have forgotten about this birthday, are you ok with coming with me or would you prefer not to go and reschedule the date, sorry about the very short notice".

That's about the only way he could've made this ok -ish.

pinkzebra02 · 28/05/2024 12:52

TheAlternativeIsWorse · 28/05/2024 12:48

Whilst what he did was wrong, it was also rude of you not to reply (whether positively or negatively)!

How is it rude to nit reply to being bootycalled? Do you think 11pm is an appropriate time to meet someone you've known 2 months for a nice time? Some women's standards honestly baffle me.

DotDashDot24 · 28/05/2024 12:52

Anyway, he's some laugh to lecture you on manners and consideration.

SamW98 · 28/05/2024 12:58

TheAlternativeIsWorse · 28/05/2024 12:48

Whilst what he did was wrong, it was also rude of you not to reply (whether positively or negatively)!

Nope. She matched his effort which was zero - and his newer communication has proved her right.

BurntBroccoli · 28/05/2024 13:00

TheAlternativeIsWorse · 28/05/2024 12:48

Whilst what he did was wrong, it was also rude of you not to reply (whether positively or negatively)!

OP was low in his priorities and he cancelled the date at the very last moment. He was the one who lacked the decency to contact her in good time.
OP is right to block him.

DPotter · 28/05/2024 13:02

I'm interested as to why he couldn't have just taken you along to the birthday party

I doubt very much there even was a birthday party. As someone pointed out up post Saturday afternoon was the cup final. Bet he was watching with mates and was planning on continuing the craic with them and thought he'd round off the evening with a quick shag.

CountingCrones · 28/05/2024 13:08

Utopiana · 28/05/2024 12:41

A flood of “normal” messages now coming through with memes, jokes etc. blocked now

"Oh shit, she isn't taking my reprimand well. I may have buggered up my chance of a shag. Quick, where are some cat videos?"

I'm glad you've blocked this no-hoper.

willWillSmithsmith · 28/05/2024 13:08

Good for you OP. Keep your bar high, I wish I had.

Thelnebriati · 28/05/2024 13:08

Disappoint at the last minute then get angry at how they handle it - is this some kind of relationship test?
He took your lack of reply personally instead of wondering if you were dealing with an emergency.

ABirdsEyeView · 28/05/2024 13:12

It's handy when the rubbish takes itself out!
He's shown you a glimpse of the real him, so that one cancelled date may have saved you from further problems down the line.

beergiggles · 28/05/2024 13:14

Thelnebriati · 28/05/2024 13:08

Disappoint at the last minute then get angry at how they handle it - is this some kind of relationship test?
He took your lack of reply personally instead of wondering if you were dealing with an emergency.

I think it can be a quick way of finding out who is and isn't easy to manipulate.
But it sounds like he doesn't have any easier options OR he thinks he can still get in control of her and that's why he's come back for more?

MyFirstLittlePony · 28/05/2024 13:14

I think not replying to his dickish first message was a power move tbh

his second message I would have given a thumbs up 😁 I mean honestly that was such an asshole message about “not getting what you want” to me it reads as “how dare you have some dignity and self respect you should be grateful that I want to see you at all “ 🤨

mswales · 28/05/2024 13:17

So shocked that so many people think it's rude not to reply to this absolute dickery disrespectful entitled message sent ONE HOUR before they were due to meet! Of course she shouldn't bloody reply! If someone sends you a message saying "think you're a bit of an idiot, idk how you feel about that", or "you looked really ugly last week, could you try to look prettier on our next date?, or " can't really be arsed to meet you tonight but I will if you'll give me a blowjob, what you saying", do you owe them a reply as well??!!!

CandyLeBonBon · 28/05/2024 13:23

Utopiana · 28/05/2024 12:41

A flood of “normal” messages now coming through with memes, jokes etc. blocked now

God what an absolute knob

Sleepydoor · 28/05/2024 13:24

AliceOlive · 27/05/2024 15:49

I think you should have replied to acknowledge and decline.

However, I’d ditch him entirely for his tone. You barely know the guy and he’s acting like he’s the adult and you’re a child he has to educate. That goes really poorly down the road.

I agree with this. 👆

Ohnodontwantthiscrush · 28/05/2024 13:31

Jesus fucking Christ do the posters arguing that OP 'should' have replied realise that they are telling her that she has to accept any shitty standards he chooses.

There is no should in this scenario. He was probably not even going to a birthday party but that - as a best case scenario - was obnoxious. It translates to "I have found something I'd rather do so chosen to downgrade our arrangements and potentially left you with nothing to do"

Pinkbonbon · 28/05/2024 13:31

What a dick he is.

Tbf I think as it's 2 months in I would have replied. Just to tell him where he could shove it of course. Not replying is basically saying 'we're over' anyway I suppose but I don't think it was the right way to go about it.

It would have been fine after a date or two but not 2 months in. The issue is he took you for granted though. So he arguably got what he deserved.

Glad you blocked, he's cheeky and selfish.

Sleepydoor · 28/05/2024 13:31

ABirdsEyeView · 28/05/2024 13:12

It's handy when the rubbish takes itself out!
He's shown you a glimpse of the real him, so that one cancelled date may have saved you from further problems down the line.

Also agree with this. 👆

I don't think it was rude not to reply to his rude and inconsiderate cancellation message, but I would have replied thinking it was taking the high road, however, it does seem like not replying on Saturday resulted in his ugly nature fully revealing itself and thus saving you from wasting any more time on him. So you played this perfectly, I guess?

Mnk711 · 28/05/2024 13:34

IMO you were rude not to reply. His hectoring response though was ludicrous. Blocking sounds sensible. And agreed he didn't show good judgement only telling you am hour before - also he could have invited you to it, said he'd only go there for an hour etc- so he chose to make a not ideal situation even worse.

2h to get ready an hour before the date though, suggesting you would have spent 3h(?) getting ready is a lot of time and effort though, I wouldn't blame him for that, you chose to do that.

TheBlueQuail · 28/05/2024 13:40

Utopiana · 27/05/2024 15:46

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish. We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay. Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

ITS BEEN LESS THAN 2 days.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text? I think any rational person knows someone’s not going to meet them for a meal at 11?

I'm a bloke. Young blokes have no idea what girls put into getting ready to go out, we think it's like us, a 5 min shower, wash hair and jeans and top.
If I had sent that message and got no reply I would have been checking my phone every 30 seconds and crapping myself, following morning it would have been flowers, chocolate and a big sorry.
There's no way he should be blaming you, 2 months is brand new in love, he is currently at his best to impress you, it won't ever be better than it is now..... sorry

diddl · 28/05/2024 13:41

Imo some messages are so rude they don't deserve a reply.

His first was one-never mind the follow up.

Birdseyetrifle · 28/05/2024 13:42

It’s 2 months into dating, I wouldn’t have bothered reply to that. It’s obvious he just sees you as a shag.

People need to raise the bar a bit.

Cloudylilac · 28/05/2024 13:45

Utopiana · 28/05/2024 12:41

A flood of “normal” messages now coming through with memes, jokes etc. blocked now

Well done.
He’s obviously realised his plan to play victim after letting you down didn’t work and is now trying to pretend everything is normal

sandyhappypeople · 28/05/2024 13:45

I personally hate it when people give the silent treatment, so he's not wrong to call you out on it, what he's aiming to achieve by being so rude about it is anyone's guess, but maybe he thinks you were really rude not to reply to a genuine mix up.

But I'm not sure I understand, did you think he was lying about the party and he had another date lined up? Why not give him the benefit of the doubt that what he said was actually true, why would it lead to an 'argument or a discussion'? Just say no thanks, have a good time at the party and we'll re-arrange for another time.

You obviously wanted to leave him hanging as punishment for ditching you.

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