He cancelled a date and is now angry I didn’t reply?

[Utopiana]

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish. We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay. Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

ITS BEEN LESS THAN 2 days.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text? I think any rational person knows someone’s not going to meet them for a meal at 11?

I hope you not replying ruined his evening 😄 He was probably checking his phone the entire time.

Absolutely agree OP. He's the one playing games not you. He's pushing your boundaries seeing what he can get away with and well done you for not pandering to him.

Had you given in and agreed no doubt 11pm would have either turned into midnight or later. Otherwise you’d get a ‘sorry I’m too pissed now ‘ message in the early hours.

A family emergency or illness is the only valid excuse did short notice cancellation. And if he had any bangers he’d have called apologising and offering to make it up to you , not a cursory text expecting you to be on hold for hours waiting for the privilege of his drunk company.

He absolutely didn’t deserve a response. Hes the rude entitled one not you.

He showed how much he respected you in his first message, and confirmed it with his second.

Sometimes people mess up and double-book. A reasonable solution there is a sincere apology to the person you're letting down, not "fancy a disappointing fumble later" (and let's face it, anything post-drinks-and-curry is likely to be disappointing).

I’m a bit late to the thread, but isn’t this straight out of the Andrew Tate method book? Cancel a date last minute to see what you’ll put up with?

He sounds awful the last time a guy I was seeing cancelled on me at last minute he actually called to explain and he had a better reason but I still didn’t see him again - there were other reasons too.

I think under the circumstances he should’ve called, not texted and it was a total cheek to suggest the 11pm meet up.

I probably would have texted back curtly but I’m really not surprised you didn’t and the good thing is you not replying has lead to him showing his true colours. So it seems your approach worked well.

He should have rang you the next day at least rather than wait two days and berate you.

Imagine being long term with a man who speaks to you like this in the first few months 😵‍💫it’s only going to get worse!

Yes its very possible this guy may be responding to red pill /Tate content @Andipxs there are so many podcasters and social media influencers who push this stuff.

Exactly this.

I wouldn’t reply to either message. It will infuriate him to be left on read twice.

So well done OP, for putting this total loser in his place.

Something similar happened to me when dating DH. He'd gotten dates mixed up and agreed to go to a mates party on the same night as a pre-arranged date with me. He still took me out but we nipped in to the party for a few drinks first (he checked with me first that I was ok with that).

OP the fact this guy is priortising his friends over you says it all really.

Without a doubt, never see him again.

He wanted a shag at the end of the night.
He didn’t get one.
He is pissed off.

when you don’t get what you want

pretty big assumption of his there - that he is what you want...

I have poor boundaries with men but even I would ignore this guy. He’s so fucking rude!

I read your first post and started to laugh at the hypocrisy of him saying that about communication. I mean you got 1 hours notice that you weren't going on a date with him and he's here saying that you're bad at communication.
I'll go back and read the rest of the thread but if you haven't already sent him a reply I'd go back with something like "Well, how does this work for you in relation to communication. I deserve more than 1 hours notice that you're cancelling a date so if you're talking about who is better at communication, my message is really clear - we are through. I'm ending it. Goodbye!"

Brilliant reply, I'll think about using it myself when I meet idiots on the dating sites 😆

Or that it's expecting a lot to go on a date that has already been organised!

Yes I would have replied to the first text. Something along the lines of 'ok that's a shame. Not interested in meeting later though, thanks'. Then probably not have wanted to see him again after that.
His follow up text was way over the top though.

Your dating standards must be really low. If you want a man to train you like a pet well it's up to you.

I don't think think your standards are fine at all, you sound like a doormat who accepts shitty behaviour from men.

You have explained things very clearly.

It’s not up to her to ‘fix/educate’ someone. That is not a woman’s role.

Oh, he sounds absolutely awful. Block him!

Well at least he's shown himself up for what he is 2 months into dating him and not further down the line.
I think I would have replied to his cancellation text though telling him I wasn't interested in him coming round at 11 pm and that I'd be going out with friends instead just so he knew that he definitely wasn't going to be getting a shag at 11 pm or whenever he deigned to show up.
Still, his reply after two days was extremely rude and shows what he's like.

In the bin with him and find someone who will treat you with respect and decency and not cancelling an hour before a date because he'd got a better offer from friends and then still wanted a shag later. What a prick.

I think you should’ve replied but oh my goodness that text he sent to you is really really sinister. Creepily so. I think you’ve dodged a bullet.

Cancelling an hour before you're due to meet is a dick move. If a friend did that to md without emergency good reason I'd be off with them. If a date did it but still had the cheek to ask for a booty call, I'd be too upset to reply politely and would not say anything rather than risk sounding annoyed.

Coupled with his patronising schooling you in communication I would ditch him. He should be offering more apologies. He's an arse.

Ghosting would be tempting.

It would have still been unacceptable really to prioritise mates. If I was watching football I would have made sure I stayed sober enough and would have carried on with the evening plans. If this is what happened I guess he would have been too much of a wuss to have told his mates he had a date and was throttling back on drink etc.

BIN