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Original poster

He cancelled a date and is now angry I didn’t reply?

594 replies

Utopiana · 27/05/2024 15:46

Been seeing this man for 2 months ish. We were meant to meet on Saturday at 7pm but I got a message (after I had spent two hours getting ready!!!) at 6 saying “hello, it’s one of my mates birthday tonight sorry I forgot, I will have to show up for a bit, but would be free around 11pm, idk how you feel about that”

I felt like he had a better offer (not the party) and just thought well okay. Went out with my friends instead. No intention of getting into an argument or discussion with the guy.

I have just got a message from him saying “you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

ITS BEEN LESS THAN 2 days.

Was I wrong not to reply to his text? I think any rational person knows someone’s not going to meet them for a meal at 11?

OP posts:
Badgertime · 28/05/2024 03:18

Doodleflips · 27/05/2024 23:45

Wtf. No she doesn’t, in the fucking slightest!
she’s been perfectly controlled in her (lack of response). What an odd thing to say.
He doesn’t sound a bit controlling, he sounds like an utter arse, who is controlling.

Some of the posters on this thread have such low bars, and lack of self respect, it’s frightening!

Edited
Show quote history

Do you not understand sarcasm?

I said he sounds controlling.

Questionsthree · 28/05/2024 03:24

PremiumListing · 28/05/2024 03:13

Well played, very well played. He very badly needed putting in his place.

This.

Badgertime · 28/05/2024 03:25

Badgertime · 28/05/2024 03:18

Do you not understand sarcasm?

I said he sounds controlling.

Show quote history

And you really do need to calm down.
It's an early date not someone who is enthralled in a long term relationship and can't get out.

I really don't have a low bar but know what controlling behaviour is thank you. Very well.

Heirian · 28/05/2024 05:30

Oh my god @DatingDinosaur your standards are on the floor.

“you need to learnt to communicate better, you can’t just go silent when you don’t get what you want or what is offered is not good enough for you.”

OP was very right to ignore this rude arrogant fucker, if a man was trying to upbraid me like that after only a couple of months I would never speak to him again.
Tosser really thinks he can break his arrangement with no notice and you should be grateful for an 11pm hookup. Unbelievable.

I would send a thumbs up and then block.

daisychain01 · 28/05/2024 05:34

A thumbs up would have had him round there at 11pm. No way!

Ohnodontwantthiscrush · 28/05/2024 06:04

He is awful.

Firstly, telling you an hour before you meet that he has decided to do something else shows he doesn't value you. Agreeing to this would have shown you don't think you should be valued. I wouldn't have replied either as I would have been busy organising alternative plans as it was also my Saturday night.

The follow up text is genuinely awful. Who is he to tell you what you need to do. Why do you need to do it? To be in with a shot for him continuing to see you? Does he think you're still interested?

He's really irked that you blanked him so the only reasonable thing is to blank him again.

LuluBlakey1 · 28/05/2024 06:06

You should have replied but been frank. I think he sounds pretty awful all round.

Doodleflips · 28/05/2024 06:07

Badgertime · 28/05/2024 03:25

And you really do need to calm down.
It's an early date not someone who is enthralled in a long term relationship and can't get out.

I really don't have a low bar but know what controlling behaviour is thank you. Very well.

Show quote history

I understand sarcasm perfectly well, it was not clear.
I don’t need to calm down, and this isn’t about you, it’s about her.

grinandslothit · 28/05/2024 06:08

It boggles the mind how so many will defend and make excuses some rude man.

We don't no longer have to be polite to jerks. He was rather threatening in his last response but the man defenders made no mention of that.

The horrible thing to the jerk sympathizers was her not immediately replying to his shitty last minute cancellation, not his shitty excuse, cancelling last minute and his rude message the next day.

OP I hope you've blocked this jerk.

Dweetfidilove · 28/05/2024 06:10

This is the kinda CF you leave on read.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 28/05/2024 06:20

He cancelled on very short notice with a rather silly excuse (splitting migraine? Fair enough. This? No!).
And a rather half-arsed apology.

And he expected you to meet him at 11pm? He treated you like a booty call!!

Were you texting / speaking regularly before Saturday? Or were there regularly 2+ day gaps in your conversation? You were being a bit rude if there weren’t.

His message however… goodness, he’s talking to you as if you were a naughty child!! He sounds very smug, superior and defensive.

“This isn’t working for me. I hope you have a good life.” (And block if he tries to argue with you…)

Sablecat · 28/05/2024 06:41

@DatingDinosaur I bet men treat you really badly.

Most women are just too nice. It was only when I discovered my inner bitch that I became irresistible to lots of men. Before I'd been understanding, caring and just plain stupid while men behaved really badly. One of them actually married their pregnant ex on holiday and just sort of forgot to tell me. (I was not the other woman.)

I remember a dreadful day before my awakening in a small boat fishing with my then beloved and his business partner where there was no loo and I actually pretended to enjoy myself when I wasn't sure if I'd die of seasickness or cold or whether a burst bladder would see me off first. As I was watching a fish being bludgeoned to death in front of me I had an epiphany that this was not how I should be spending my time.

While I was thawing my frozen toes for an hour or two in front of a heater, I pondered my approach to men. So little time, so many men was a good motto I decided. A crude request for a booty call to a bitch wouldn't warrant a reply, let alone replying after she was stood up. Don't waste time on losers.

My mother was the epitome of this. She was gathering more marriage proposals in her fifties than I was in my twenties. I think she was outdoing me by a ratio of at least 3:2. These were good quality financially sound men too. Technically, she wasn't even divorced from my father. She told me she had no intention of ever remarrying as she'd had enough trouble putting up with my father!

I am happily married to a wonderful man who believes he was incredibly luck to persuade me to marry him. And, of course he was! Thirty years in, he still brings me coffee in bed every morning.

Aubree17 · 28/05/2024 06:59

Cancelling an hour before a date is the sign of someone who doesn't give a shit.

Good for you for just going off and doing your own thing.

I'd avoid an argument now and just say "sorry I went out with my friends and completely forgot to reply"

On the scale of crimes his is worse.

I would weigh up the wider relationship and if his behaviour is consistent with how he was that night or the texts he sent I would find
someone better.

Questionsthree · 28/05/2024 07:12

Aubree17 · 28/05/2024 06:59

Cancelling an hour before a date is the sign of someone who doesn't give a shit.

Good for you for just going off and doing your own thing.

I'd avoid an argument now and just say "sorry I went out with my friends and completely forgot to reply"

On the scale of crimes his is worse.

I would weigh up the wider relationship and if his behaviour is consistent with how he was that night or the texts he sent I would find
someone better.

She's committed no crime, faux pas or done anything even close to wrong.

Hope she's blocked the creep.

Ellie1015 · 28/05/2024 07:29

If you are never gping to speak to him again then it is early days so fair enough i suppose. Although i would still text to finish it.

If you are doing it as sulk/punishment then not reasonable.

Changingplace · 28/05/2024 07:41

Aubree17 · 28/05/2024 06:59

Cancelling an hour before a date is the sign of someone who doesn't give a shit.

Good for you for just going off and doing your own thing.

I'd avoid an argument now and just say "sorry I went out with my friends and completely forgot to reply"

On the scale of crimes his is worse.

I would weigh up the wider relationship and if his behaviour is consistent with how he was that night or the texts he sent I would find
someone better.

You’ve been conditioned into thinking women should avoid an argument, keep the peace, allow men to act however they like without challenge.

The OP should absolutely not be using the word sorry whatsoever, and you should give your response some real thought as to why you’re willing to potentially accept this awful behaviour.

OrangeAndFizz · 28/05/2024 07:42

I wouldn't respond at all, just block him.

Willmafrockfit · 28/05/2024 07:46

give him a ring, catch him off guard.
i dont like his attitude though

SpringleDingle · 28/05/2024 07:51

That would have breached one of my early dating boundaries - don’t date flaky people. I don’t like being second string or being with people who cancel at the last minute. I’d have replied but what I’d have said was. “Thank you for letting me know. I don’t think we need to meet again, enjoy your party”. Then I’d have blocked and moved on.

I don’t think you were wrong at all. He ditched you an hour before an agreed date, that’s shitty and rude!

Lookingforunicorns · 28/05/2024 08:06

You couldn't have handled this better.
Result. You know what type of man he is now, at an early stage.
You can move on and he can jog on to someone with lower standards than you.

MummyJ36 · 28/05/2024 08:14

You were NOT rude to ignore him. I would keep ignoring him. This will be teaching him a lesson he’s probably needed to learn for a while. We all know what he was after at 11pm 🙄

arethereanyleftatall · 28/05/2024 08:15

Even though I do think ignoring him is the best way forward for it for the op...

The only down side is that this guy won't learn anything from it. He will lay all the blame at the ops door - she was a psycho , she ghosted me, such high maintenance etc - and continue to treat the next woman like shit.

Mind, as I wrote that, I doubt he has any self awareness whatsoever, so there is probably nothing the op can do that will make him reflect for a nanosecond on his own behaviour.

toolate2 · 28/05/2024 08:16

That reply is a red flag, he can’t chastise you like a child. Something tells me he would be very controlling and dominant.

Allmarbleslost · 28/05/2024 08:23

Send him a thumbs up and block op.

SamW98 · 28/05/2024 08:24

daisychain01 · 28/05/2024 05:34

A thumbs up would have had him round there at 11pm. No way!

The 👍 should be her response to his last delightful message is what we’re saying.

That would be my response

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