What is a reasonable amount of time for parents to spend with adult children?

[NCsoIcanactonthisIRL]

How long and how often do you, as adults, spend time with a parent or with your adult child (delete as applicable), assuming that neither of you is a carer for the other?

Number of hours per week/month and number of instances per week/month, please.

Context: I want to know if I'm unreasonable in my expectation of how long we should spend together.

A day or 2 a month

Over my life I have years where it's been a couple of days

And years when it's been half the year

There is no right or expectation

How long is a piece of string? this is now a relationship between two adults, who may be more compatible or less compatible - you can't have an automatic expectation.

My adult children are my best friends. They still live at home. We go weeks without seeing each other sometimes. We see each other every day some times. We sometimes realise we haven't passed each other in the hallway for a while, and have to whatapp to check one of us has fed the cat....

My sister and her eldest are totally incompatible, and see each other once or twice a year, and both make a huge effort not to rock the boat for that time

I am mid 50’s and visit my DM five times a fortnight and I see my mid 30’s DC about once every three weeks or slightly more.

See half my dc every week for family tea and a cuppa 1 week end day. Other half of adult dc when their social calendar allows...
*2 lads with gf's and drinking mates.... At least one meal a fortnight.. Phone calls usually off all every day or 2... Haven't seen dps for 20 years.

I am late thirties and see my mum, who is in her sixties and fit and active, around twice a week. We chat daily on the phone and go for weekends away a couple of times a year. We are close and generally get on well.
I haven’t seen my dad for 5 years though at the opposite end of the scale! Horses for courses.

I see my DF a couple of times a week because he only lives a couple of miles away and he's on his own (usually comes for dinner once a week)

My dc both live couple of hours away in opposite directions and we probably see them an average of once a month. Sometimes they come here for the weekend (more often as they like to see their friends from home) or we go to them.

When my children first went off to uni, we did decide to try and never go two months without seeing each other, and that was how we started, but of course covid changed everything.

One parent not at all, other parent one evening a week about 5pm-10.30pm, and then about 1 full weekend day a month on a day out. Brief text conversations every 1-2 days and speak on phone maybe once every 1-2 weeks in addition to that. Usually a 1 week holiday together per year too.

My own parents maybe a day every three months, the in-laws varies massively, a solid week once a year plus maybe two days a month otherwise.
My SIL probably see's her mum twice a week sometimes 4. It varies massively. But putting expectations on things never works and sounds very controlling even if you don't mean it to. It's a very ebb and flow thing.

I see my parents two or three times a year. They are around 6 hours away

As long as the adult kids want to.

Once or twice a year - maybe a couple of weekends, if living in different parts of the country. People need to lead their lives independently.

Completely depends on the family dynamic i
suppose!! We do family and friend dinners every Sunday- one of us takes turns to host, between me, my mum, her sister, my brother etc… when it’s our turn, I invite some very close friends. My mum lives 30-40 minutes away and still works.

See my MIL atleast 2 twice a week, she will pop in at 3/4 and join me on the school run, and chat to my DDs after school, occasionally she brings a craft for something for them to do together. Occasionally has cooked for us, when I had just given birth.

The dynamic changes depending on the age of my children, DD1 is at school and DD2 is at nursery 3 days a week, so it’s less than when they were little, I’m currently pregnant so I imagine I’ll see alot more of them once baby is here.

It takes a village to raise a child and I’m so grateful for mine! My girls have rich relationships with their family, and look forward to seeing them. I remember as a child feeling quite uncomfortable around some family members I saw once a year or so. To me, life is all about building connections and relationships.

I suppose it depends on how far do you live from each other, your and their work and family commitments and general how you get on.

Do you like each other? or do you just tolerate each other?

Yeah I mean this will vary a lot! Some families are very close, others not so much. I think there's too much pressure to play happy families especially at Christmas.

I see my parents probably once a month on average. They live 30 mins away. We get on well enough but are all busy with our own lives.

We see my DH's parents who live more like 90 mins away a bit less than that. Again we get on and they are not busy but they do not really leave their house so a) it's depressing and b) it's not a two way visiting street which limits the contact opportunities.

With my 18 year old dd- we spend too much time together. It's because of her medical needs. However she will opt to spend time with me. So maybe 2-3 hours every day.

The eldest dd(24)we catch up for breakfast or dinner once a fortnight but generally text daily.

My parents are dead ,so no time with them
I’m in my 60s
I spend time with my grown up DC as often as I can , but seeing as they work and live miles away it’s not as often as I’d like , so a couple of days every couple of months

I.see them maybe once a week they live near by but it's dependent on work and shifts social life but we message every day I don't think there is a normal though it's whatever works really.

I live 5000 miles away from my family but we WhatsApp most days and speak at least once a week.

My sister and her family live a few mins walk from them and are always popping in, hosting each other for dinner, BBQs etc.

But honestly I moved home 4 times before leaving UK when I was 28 so sufficed to say we're close and we all enjoy each other's company (most of the time!)

When my mum was around it was probably a couple of times a year, maybe three. We were about a hour apart. I was busy with work, and she had an amazing social life, lol. Surely there’s no set expectation, you are all adults now.

DS1 lives in Canada….see him about 4 times a year….for around 10 to 15 days each time….twice he comes to U.K and stays with us…..once a year we go to Canada and once a year we meet for a holiday in a different country
DD …llives 15 mins walk away….see her and 2 GD 3 to 4 times a week…anything from 2 hours to 6 hours ….depending on what we are doing
DS2 lives around 45 mins drive away…..see him once a week with his DD
Im 59 and work PT ….my DP is retired

My mum lives 3 hours away so she tends to come stay with us or us staying with her once every three weeks Friday to Sunday.

My dad we see once a month sometimes once a fortnight for a few hours on a Sunday afternoon. We used to see each other more regularly but my stepmum put a stop to it when I had my own kids.

My mil we see for maybe 20mins once a month and 2 hours max for dinner every two months. She lives closest to us but isn’t family orientated in the slightest.

Depends what else is going on in your life, and in their lives.
Depends if you live together or not.
I have 3 adult dc. One lives a few hours away - so clearly that is very different from the two that live locally.
1 of the local ones works shifts, so again, that is different from the one who works more regular hours.
Then it depends if you are people that are out and about - doing hobbies, sports, volunteering or whatever.
Depends if they have partners. Come to that, if you have a partner.

But there's no right and wrong - it's what both of you want.

Well i'm the adult child and i speak to my parents every day and probably see them 4 or 5 times every week