What is a reasonable amount of time for parents to spend with adult children?

[NCsoIcanactonthisIRL]

How long and how often do you, as adults, spend time with a parent or with your adult child (delete as applicable), assuming that neither of you is a carer for the other?

Number of hours per week/month and number of instances per week/month, please.

Context: I want to know if I'm unreasonable in my expectation of how long we should spend together.

Can be independent and still see your family lots 🙄
all my 3 AC are independent and I see lots of them….and my 3 GC

DC are still in early twenties but live in different cities from us. We see them roughly once a month. But one of them is moving abroad for work so that will become once a year. Really hope he makes it back for Christmas most years. and we'll visit.

I'd love to see them more often but they have full and busy lives. I'd way rather that than them stuck at home with us, with no social life.

What are your expectations, OP?

Interesting thread. It seems people see more of their mums than their dads, unless parents still together. And I guess all the parents responding are mums.

10-15 hours a year

My DDs live 30 and 40 minutes away. One has my DGCs and I see her and the kids for a few hours once a week.
The other one, every couple of weeks at least. Could be just for an hour to grab a coffee, or for a whole day.

My PILs lived 2.5 hours away. We'd go up for the weekend every six weeks or so. They'd come down to us every couple of months.

As the 'adult child' I saw my parents for a couple of hours each week for the majority of the years between my early 20s and early 50s, aside from when they helped me with very young DS. There were a few years then when I saw them several times a week to support as they started to struggle , back to a weekly visit once settled into care home.

Probably see my adult child (20s) around twice a week - sometimes we go out socially, other times he comes round to watch sport with his dad or just if he gets a bit bored when his partner is working nights.

It would of course be completely different if you live several miles away, and I've ignored those weird months when we only chatted via video link .

Pretty much this.

We make no demands. We're just glad when they are around.

no one seems to go on trips with their adult DC or their parents? ….its very normal where I am …..I go away with my own Mum at least twice a year ( as well as seeing her regularly) I also go away with my AC every year …..my youngest only once a year…but the older 2 , 2 to 3 times a year…..its very normal in my circle of family and friends…..but not on MN

2-3 times a year.

But it’s a meaningless question without distance. SIL lives a mile from FIL, so she pops over 1-2x a week

3 or 4 times a year. Live 2 hours apart

I used to see my parents for a few days in each school holiday (when I was a teacher).

Now I see them once a month for three days or so.

DM, I see a couple of times a year. My own DC, Dd up to half a dozen times a year, my DSs anything from every few weeks to monthly.
My DC message frequently. If anything happens like illness or drama, they are here within hours.

Two or three times a year for those who live several hours away. If they lived closer it would be much more often.

My mother who lives closer I see about every six weeks for a couple of hours. We don’t get on.

@Kitkat1523 yes we sometimes go away with our son and his partner - when DH and I book a holiday we tend to book accommodation with an extra room and they have an open invitation to join us . Also DH & DS sometimes go to sporting events or gigs together .

I never went away with my parents as a young adult but did so as they got older and my dad stopped driving .

@NCsoIcanactonthisIRL are you going to tell us your situation? is it an elderly parent wanting more input from you?

We saw MIL weekly until she passed. My parents are in a different country so was bi yearly

Dd1 we see monthly
Dd2 is currently living at home so daily (though gone to see dd3 this week)
Ds and dd3 are both at uni so currently every 6 months

I see my mum perhaps once or twice a month and my dad less.
I see my adult son a lot less than I would like - maybe once every couple of months - but that is down to logistics rather than choice.

We're a very close family and spend a lot of time with our adult daughters and their families. We go on holiday together and look after our grandchildren a lot. We live in the same town so it makes it easier.

My mum about 5 days every 2-3 months or so. MIL 2 days every 6 months.
The difference is my MIL refuses to travel to us (she's perfectly capable) and expects us to cart the kids to see her whereas my mum comes to visit 2 out of every 3 times.

We combine spending time with both when visiting (500 miles away) but simply don't want to use our entire annual leave allowance only visiting family

Depends how close they live and what the relationship is like.

If both parties are happy, it's probably a reasonable amount of time.

I was a SAHM so saw or spoke to my parents daily . I had moved home to be this close to them.Also spoke to my sister daily.
My AC I don't see as much as I would like but I don't want to put any pressure on them . Both work FT so evenings, weekends are their down time/chore time which I understand. We do try and get together though . Neither them and/ or their partners would ever holiday together. Totally different likes and interests which is OK by me.

My parents - at least once a fortnight for most of a day, longer stays of 2-4 days once every couple of months, even longer stay over Easter / summer / Christmas of 1-2 weeks (at same time as rest of family) once or twice a year, depending on the year. They live about 1 hour away and are very happy for us to come and go as we please, have a childproofed house and lots of room plus childproofed garden, cousins to play with, etc. Plus they often do practical things for us in terms of childcare / gardening / being in for tradespeople. I talk to my mum every day pretty much either via text or phone call.

My in-laws - once or twice a year for approx. 1 week, either Christmas or Easter plus 1 week in the summer either at theirs or away somewhere together. DH video calls them once a month or so. They live approx. 5 hours away, have not attempted to childproof their house or garden (not that they have to, but it would make it less stressful for us if they did a little), don’t ever visit us even though we have room for them and they are retired, we are both working full time + kids.

I didn't want to give my current or preferred figures initially to avoid the anchoring effect.

DM is in my house every Saturday for six hours, so a substantial chunk of useful weekend, and it's doing my head in. I also can't go anywhere on my own (like to a gig or even the garden centre) unless I keep it a secret from her because she will invite herself.

DF (they are divorced) was horrified that she spends so much time with me, saying that he couldn't fathom "being under your [referring to me[ feet" that much. I wanted to calibrate his opinion against that of the legendary Mumsnet vipers.

I've not seen my mother in about 5 years (my dad died when I was young). Speak to her usually once a week. We live about 4-5 hours apart (both UK). We used to live a nearer, then it was usually once or twice a year.

I should probably mention that I'm neurodivergent. I have a M-F job and a longstanding fixed engagement on Sunday mornings that involves being in a noisy room with a lot of people. Result: I don't have a day to myself to decompress from dealing with people, unless it's a bank holiday, in which case DM will often try to invite herself over, and I'm feeling burned out.