Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My friend just screenshot a photo of my boyfriend on a dating site

987 replies

Mountaindewstar · 22/05/2024 22:17

Well well well what an absolute c*t! I hate that word but yep what a c*t!!
In a relationship with a man for 11 months, had the exclusive chat. See each other regularly, relationship seemed good. My friend has just sent me a screenshot of him on a dating site... so at 1st I tried to look at it as positively as can be ...maybe it's an old profile... but no he likes her profile and he has recently been active.

I am so hurt and gutted but I'm happy to say my anger has taken over!!!! We were meant to see each other for the whole weekend this weekend coming all planned, dinner booked, swimming, walks a lunch, cinema... obviously now im not going... any advice on what I should message, I dont feel he is owed the dignified face to face end it... seriously what an absolute bastard!!!
I don't want to be hysterical in my msg , classy would be good but also let him know what I have been shown!
I'm so glad he has never met this friend!! He has no idea who she is ... utter scumbag

OP posts:
Original poster
Mountaindewstar · 24/05/2024 23:13

GuinnessBird · 24/05/2024 23:07

I have and you don't have concrete proof that it was 100% him, only that they used his details.

On the other hand, if it really was him then he's a fucking moron - how did he think he wouldn't be rumbled by a friend of yours or a family member etc?!

Show quote history

Yes I know its unbelievable right... I'm shocked at how stupid this man has been!
How did he not know he would be recognised by someone , it's the dumbest thing I've come across!

I know its 100% him... not just the what's app thing he details stuff about his sons hobby that he said he had been doing with his son to my friend

OP posts:
Original poster
Mountaindewstar · 24/05/2024 23:14

Nothingsurprisesmeanymoree · 24/05/2024 23:04

Well done OP now try get some sleep and let him be the one up all night.

I'll try xx

OP posts:
Zonder · 24/05/2024 23:15

You've been amazing OP. Well done. Draw a line now. On to the rest of your life.

lazyarse123 · 24/05/2024 23:15

Moveoverdarlin · 24/05/2024 22:41

I don’t think you’ve handled this at all well. Just tell him!! He may phone the police shortly, or your relatives. You’ve got grade A evidence of his ass hole behaviour, so send him the screenshot before this charade all rolls on too long.

You’ve also used the poor bloke you went out with tonight. If someone who knows you or your ex saw you with your date tonight, slimeball will assume you were shagging this other bloke all along and you won’t have a leg to stand on.

Edited

Why does she need a leg to stand on? It's not a court case. Op has nothing to prove to anyone.
Well done op hope you feel better about things soon.

beenwhereyouare · 24/05/2024 23:15

@Mountaindewstar

Whoo; ya did good!

I still think you should do what @Azandme suggested:

"I'd message, "I thought we were on the same page about our relationship, but it turns out the page you are on is bumble.com. I have no interest in seeing you again, because I know I deserve better."

You have already ghosted him, stood him up, and texting the "same page about our relationship" comment will let him know he's not put one o er on you.

Also, send a screenshot of his profile, her profile (?) and comments he made to her. And for the finale, send the photo of you and friend. THEN cut communication.

If you do this, you still won't give him the opportunity to attempt to talk his way out of it. Best of all, it's a very classy way to drop a bomb on him.

I'm really proud of the way you've been handling all of this. I hope you're proud of yourself!

Frogandfish · 24/05/2024 23:17

Bless you. I was glad to read the update that you'd shown the creep what you knew. I didn't want this getting out of hand for you, police or mutual friends being dragged in. Take time to process all of this and don't forget to lean on the other lovely people you have around xx

tsmainsqueeze · 24/05/2024 23:17

I have been following your thread and i think you're bloody amazing !

Original poster
Mountaindewstar · 24/05/2024 23:18

tsmainsqueeze · 24/05/2024 23:17

I have been following your thread and i think you're bloody amazing !

Aw thank you , broken inside , strong on the outside xx

OP posts:
Scrollbreadroll · 24/05/2024 23:20

@Mountaindewstar well done, you have done the right thing sending the screenshots. He needs to know he's not got away with his shoddy behaviour and it also stops it escalating to police or family if he’s worried. He would have been trying to feed you a pack of lies in whatever he was typing back, so im glad you blocked him and didn’t give him the chance. Just focus on the fact that he was actively trying to pursue other women and, as heartbroken as you are now, you don’t want to be with a man like that.

PossumintheHouse · 24/05/2024 23:20

Mountaindewstar · 24/05/2024 22:59

I have been worried he would call my family or police so I've just sent the screenshots... he opened them... I could see him typing and I blocked. Was literally one of the hardest things I've ever done. I just know in my heart , it doesn't matter what he was typing I will never eve trust him again. I am in bits. Lots of tears. It's over. Finally.
Thank you to everyone for your support xx

Fucking well done. How did the date go this evening?

Mom2K · 24/05/2024 23:22

tsmainsqueeze · 24/05/2024 23:17

I have been following your thread and i think you're bloody amazing !

This, with bells on. 👏 👏 👏

Howbizarre22 · 24/05/2024 23:23

Huge hugs I know this is incredibly upsetting for you. What a loser going through his life doing people wrong like this- he can’t be happy deep down. See it as a lucky escape you didn’t spend a day more than you did with such a c*nt & that by fluke he messaged a person that happened to be ur friend. Guess you’d be none the wiser otherwise. I’d say the universe (and of course your friend) is looking out for you. Get some rest & take good care of yourself OP and thanks for taking the time to share it all with us! You’ve handled it brilliantly-inspiring! Xx

Original poster
Mountaindewstar · 24/05/2024 23:24

PossumintheHouse · 24/05/2024 23:20

Fucking well done. How did the date go this evening?

Show quote history

Thank you , had a nice time. Sweet man. I told him I'm not in the right head space, he deserves the world and I am heartbroken and just want to be friends, he said I know you are, you clearly love or loved him. No pressure just friends, let me cheer u up , and he proceeded to tell me some very funny stories of his recent dating disasters, took my mind of things and I did have a goigle or two

OP posts:
Original poster
Mountaindewstar · 24/05/2024 23:26

Howbizarre22 · 24/05/2024 23:23

Huge hugs I know this is incredibly upsetting for you. What a loser going through his life doing people wrong like this- he can’t be happy deep down. See it as a lucky escape you didn’t spend a day more than you did with such a c*nt & that by fluke he messaged a person that happened to be ur friend. Guess you’d be none the wiser otherwise. I’d say the universe (and of course your friend) is looking out for you. Get some rest & take good care of yourself OP and thanks for taking the time to share it all with us! You’ve handled it brilliantly-inspiring! Xx

I believe the universe is looking out for me too... I'm not really into this sort of thing but I've been constantly thinking about my nan who I was extremely close to and passed recently. I felt her with me today. Keeping me stoic and strong

OP posts:
beenwhereyouare · 24/05/2024 23:26

Mountaindewstar · 24/05/2024 23:08

For those of you that havent read the whole thread :

  • It was 100% him he sent his phone number to my friend to move it on to what's app

*The man I went on a date with is a friend, he knows the whole situation I'm not leading him on at all

  • The chicks b4 dicks was a jokey thing my friend and I said... had no real intention of doing it

*I always said I would make him wait a bit and waste his time as he has wasted months of my life... remember I wasted just under 4 hours of his before providing him with clarity

  • I have sent the screenshots

  • I have blocked

*Its over

Sorry, I started wring my last comment before you updated that you'd sent the screenshots.

Well done! For those of us who wouldn't be satisfied with just ghosting, this has been a master class!

sugarrosepetal · 24/05/2024 23:27

You are an absolute legend @Mountaindewstar this is how our daughters should be taught how to deal with fuck boys.

SloaneStreetVandal · 24/05/2024 23:28

I would've messaged him straight away that he'd been rumbled hooring himself about dating sites, so off you now fuck sleazy prick.
Maybe I'm just cold hearted (I think I must be!?) but I wouldn't spare another thought, never mind shed tears, over a man who'd been exposed so unavoidably as a sleazy fraud.

Original poster
Mountaindewstar · 24/05/2024 23:28

lazyarse123 · 24/05/2024 23:15

Why does she need a leg to stand on? It's not a court case. Op has nothing to prove to anyone.
Well done op hope you feel better about things soon.

Show quote history

This has made me smile ... its not a court case 😊🤣

OP posts:
LadyLolaRuben · 24/05/2024 23:29

I'm sorry OP, I've found my ex on a dating website after having suspicions. I didnt screenshot tho I just set up my own profile and let I'm find me. He did within 2 hours. He turned up at my house asking why I was cheating on him! Every circus needs a clown.
It hurts and I know. But you'll look back and be so proud. Arranging a date was a master stroke in my opinion. Great distraction. For now, let yourself be upset and heal x

Original poster
Mountaindewstar · 24/05/2024 23:30

SloaneStreetVandal · 24/05/2024 23:28

I would've messaged him straight away that he'd been rumbled hooring himself about dating sites, so off you now fuck sleazy prick.
Maybe I'm just cold hearted (I think I must be!?) but I wouldn't spare another thought, never mind shed tears, over a man who'd been exposed so unavoidably as a sleazy fraud.

I agree , however you dont really know how you will feel until your in the situation.
He has no idea I've cried a bit. That's the main thing x

OP posts:
SloaneStreetVandal · 24/05/2024 23:33

Mountaindewstar · 24/05/2024 23:30

I agree , however you dont really know how you will feel until your in the situation.
He has no idea I've cried a bit. That's the main thing x

Show quote history

Shed angry tears that he had the fucking cheek to try and play you, but spare none for him - he's not worth your tears.

Poodleydoodley · 24/05/2024 23:37

Are you absolutely sure your friend isn’t setting him up? Making it look like he’s on the site when he isn’t?
I say always give someone the chance to say their piece.

PossumintheHouse · 24/05/2024 23:38

Poodleydoodley · 24/05/2024 23:37

Are you absolutely sure your friend isn’t setting him up? Making it look like he’s on the site when he isn’t?
I say always give someone the chance to say their piece.

It's been talked about a zillion times.

NisekoWhistler · 24/05/2024 23:38

You legend! Tomorrow will be rough but I'm so impressed with how you've handled all this!!

PossumintheHouse · 24/05/2024 23:40

Mountaindewstar · 24/05/2024 23:30

I agree , however you dont really know how you will feel until your in the situation.
He has no idea I've cried a bit. That's the main thing x

Show quote history

Has he tried any bullshittery yet?