My friend just screenshot a photo of my boyfriend on a dating site

[Mountaindewstar]

Well well well what an absolute c*t! I hate that word but yep what a c*t!!
In a relationship with a man for 11 months, had the exclusive chat. See each other regularly, relationship seemed good. My friend has just sent me a screenshot of him on a dating site... so at 1st I tried to look at it as positively as can be ...maybe it's an old profile... but no he likes her profile and he has recently been active.

I am so hurt and gutted but I'm happy to say my anger has taken over!!!! We were meant to see each other for the whole weekend this weekend coming all planned, dinner booked, swimming, walks a lunch, cinema... obviously now im not going... any advice on what I should message, I dont feel he is owed the dignified face to face end it... seriously what an absolute bastard!!!
I don't want to be hysterical in my msg , classy would be good but also let him know what I have been shown!
I'm so glad he has never met this friend!! He has no idea who she is ... utter scumbag

You’re assuming she wants to make a (life changing?) impact on him, she’s not said that. She’s not going to talk to him again after this, so the satisfaction comes from doing what she needs to do, not from seeing him turn his life around.

I made a brief reference to her potentially preventing this happening again. A brief reference. I didn’t mention him turning his life around. I talked about impact. Stop dissecting and projecting. OP is a big girl, she can ignore my suggestions all she wants to.

No one is projecting! 😂 it’s just a simple conversation, no need to take it personally.

I like the “Leaving Now” comment…. Leave him dangling.

OP - PLEASE do not do any of the things suggested like telling him he is shit in bed, ghosting him or taking the photo with your friend. All that will do is reaffirm to him that his behaviour was right - because he will justify it with your behaviour. Send him the screenshot, tell him you know it’s him and block. Anything else makes you look just as bad and will not deter him from doing the same shit in future. Calling him out and allowing him to think he has lost a good thing may have an impact - leaving him thinking you are immature and he has lost nothing won’t.

@SJ1991x totally agree

Oh look, it’s one of those classic MN attempts to belittle someone in order to win an argument, the old ‘DoNt TaKe It PeRsOnaLlY’ rebuttal. With a laughing emoji to add extra spice.

This is not about me in the slightest, therefore it has zero personal effect on me. I made a comment on a forum I am, however, allowed to defend that comment when someone interprets it incorrectly. It’s not personal, I’m not offended, yes I’m aware it’s a public forum and people are allowed to post, or any of the other MN troupes you may be considering following up with.

You accused me of projecting and I pointed out I wasn’t along with a laughing face because it was such a weird thing to accuse me of, it made me laugh. That’s all, but please do carry on not being affected in the slightest.

👍

Can we get back to the matter in hand, please. You two are taking up too much space when it isn’t about you. And before you both say you don’t have to read it. I actually do have to read posts before I realise I don’t want to read them.

Op, I think I agree with some of the PPs who are suggesting that you don’t play games but just tell him straight what you have discovered and that you don’t want anything more to do with him.

*Since you're both in the habit of messaging to tell each other you are on the way, you could always send one that says 'leaving now'.

The penny will eventually drop that what you actually meant was that you were leaving him.*

Perfect!

To be honest, I think the OP is well able to rise above it all and be dignified about all this, to be the bigger person and just call it a day immediately. She doesn't need to JADE. She doesn't need to tell him why, or how she feels, all she needs to do is not turn up tonight and when he asks where she is, she says it's over. No explanation, no screenshots, no evidence, nothing.

The not knowing will eat him up. He knows what he's been doing, but he doesn't know the OP knows, and he can hardly ask!

The not knowing will eat him up. He knows what he's been doing, but he doesn't know the OP knows, and he can hardly ask!

Agree

I think the problem with not telling him what you know is that he will then be able to tell himself that being on the dating site etc was fine as you “clearly weren’t into him/you lied about how much you liked him/you were doing the same” etc.

He’ll make up his own narrative (and believe in it) in a way he wouldn’t be able to if you’re honest and send a screenshot or whatever.

Anyway, good luck! You’re way better than him.

Maybe I am getting cynical but when a man wants to be exclusive it might mean he doesn't want you with anyone else..

He obviously isn't that into you if he's still looking online. I don't think any of the suggested schemes will really upset him because he obviously isn't that invested.

Don't waste any energy on him, just confront him and tell him it's over. Keep your head held high and move on. He's obviously a waste of space and you deserve better

Don't fool yourself that he'llgenuinely give a shit if you vanish.
He'll likely be pissed off because he was expecting to get his leg over but upset?
His type don't get upset.
I bet his terrible tale of being ghosted and deeply hurt 🎻🎻 was bollocks too and just manipulation.

Oh poor man, he's been hurt he's so sensitive what a nice guy oh the bad bad woman who hurt him I need to help him heal.

Just assume everything he told you was bullshit.

Agree with this. He won’t be mulling over the reason, he’ll just think ‘oh well’ and find the next victim.

Guys like this don’t deserve any headspace

Hey all, a little update
So everything is going to plan he has msg me today asking what time were meeting and we have arranged for 7pm at local bar we go to from time to time.
He has continued to msg my friend although shes been a lot quieter with him, hes ramped it up stating "I'm wanting lots of fun... let's move this over to what's app) 🙄 ...
So in the meantime shes been screenshotting everything sending it straight to me.
As the day goes on I'm getting serious butterflies, I almost cannot wait for him to be stood up now after reading what hes been writing to her and what hes been writing to me and there are probably other, let's face it!
For those of you that have Read the whole thread, you would have read about the man that asked me out & I rejected him as I was being loyal to my so called boyfriend 🙈 little did I know.
Anyway weve been messaging, he knows the full story , I've been really honest about my situation. Hes offered to take me for dinner at a really nice place this evening to take my mind off things, as I know him, mutual friends and works with my uncle i feel i can trust him a little.
My sister and friend have both said just go for it! It will be the best distraction ever! So I've just had my nails done, friend is doing my hair for me , chosen an outfit, hes booked the restaurant for 7.30 pm , I'm gonna go for it, my sisters dropping me and picking me up.
So while mr slimball is sat waiting for me i will be sat with this date enjoying myself and not at home sad.
After dinner I'm going to my friends for wine and to tell her all about the date 😊

• sorry for the typos

Good for you, I know your upset by this turd wanker but let him go and go find someone who will respect you for the strong woman you are x

Don’t be, Mr Slimball really tickled me.

“You are not a safe person. I won’t be seeing you again” sums it up really

or

”as we are not exclusive now, I have made plans this weekend hopefully for ‘a bit of fun’ as you call it. Enjoy your weekend, I know I will”

I’d struggle to contain my nasty vengeful side though. Part of me would want to orchestrate a full sting involving your mate meeting him, film it and upload it to socials so everyone knows what an emotionally immature little ego prick he is and dent his dating chances and chances to do this to endless women.

Him connecting with your friend is the first fishing expedition you KNOW about. No-one gets caught the first time. He’s a duplicitous greedy little prick and he’s probably been knobbing about the whole time.

Oh yes and this afternoon I spoke to my gp, it wasnt the nicest thing to request but asked to be booked in to be tested for all stis etc as it has come to my attention my boyfriend has probably been unfaithful

I've got an appointment next week