My friend just screenshot a photo of my boyfriend on a dating site

[Mountaindewstar]

Well well well what an absolute c*t! I hate that word but yep what a c*t!!
In a relationship with a man for 11 months, had the exclusive chat. See each other regularly, relationship seemed good. My friend has just sent me a screenshot of him on a dating site... so at 1st I tried to look at it as positively as can be ...maybe it's an old profile... but no he likes her profile and he has recently been active.

I am so hurt and gutted but I'm happy to say my anger has taken over!!!! We were meant to see each other for the whole weekend this weekend coming all planned, dinner booked, swimming, walks a lunch, cinema... obviously now im not going... any advice on what I should message, I dont feel he is owed the dignified face to face end it... seriously what an absolute bastard!!!
I don't want to be hysterical in my msg , classy would be good but also let him know what I have been shown!
I'm so glad he has never met this friend!! He has no idea who she is ... utter scumbag

I think you’re handling this amazing and I’m glad your friend told you. I’d go batshit and you probably shouldn’t follow my advice but I’d definitely get her to arrange to meet him in a bar and both turn up and don’t let on.. then take a selfie the three of you and post it with the screenshots #whenyougetstoodup

Just wanted to pop in and say, quite frankly he deserves his dick put in a vice for a good few hours.

But it's great you've had time to calm and think about your next course of action. I agree a dignified ghosting is the way to go. It'll hopefully drive him mad. Though I can't see anyone blaming you if you reacted more strongly and overtly.

I hope you continue to be your confident sassy self. Well done for not being a doormat.

@Mountaindewstar I think you're handling this really well. And I can appreciate how hurtful and humiliating it is but I'm glad that you know your worth and aren't going to entertain any of his slimy bullshit.

I think it's imperative to keep it at the forefront of your mind that had your friend not encountered your ex on the dating site, you would be looking forward to a romantic weekend ahead with a cheat who disrespects you, is willing to put your sexual health at risk, lead you on and then probably unceremoniously dump you in due course with absolutely no reason given and potentially break your heart.

On this basis, ghosting is the only satisfactory response. There doesn't need to be a final text and I most certainly wouldn't be generous enough to give him an explanation or allow him to make the link with your friend. All of these represent closure and he simply doesn't deserve this. He has also mentioned before that ghosting really hurt him in the past so that is exactly what I would do.

Tell him how you're looking forward to later, commit to the christening, text him that you're on your way and so looking forward to seeing him shortly and then poof! You disappear into thin air. Don't even block him. Leave him wondering for a very long time what on earth happened and why you've literally just disappeared from his life without by or leave. It will mess with his head. The perfect response and the one he deserves is none.

OP - PLEASE do not do any of the things suggested like telling him he is shit in bed, ghosting him or taking the photo with your friend. All that will do is reaffirm to him that his behaviour was right - because he will justify it with your behaviour. Send him the screenshot, tell him you know it’s him and block. Anything else makes you look just as bad and will not deter him from doing the same shit in future. Calling him out and allowing him to think he has lost a good thing may have an impact - leaving him thinking you are immature and he has lost nothing won’t.

Completely agree 👏

will not deter him from doing the same shit in future.

these type of men will never stop.

But attempting to hurt him in response gives him a reason to justify his behaviour. If he will never change then he won’t be shamed by a photo of the two of them, he will switch to him being set up. If the OP plays silly games then he will be able to justify his behaviour. If she calls him out and cuts him off, leaving him no chance to explain away his behaviour that will be harder for him to swallow. Ghosting etc means he can just think ‘Well it’s a good thing I don’t commit because she was a dick anyway’.

Don’t give him that chance to switch it around.

SJ1991x I think you're thinking way too much about him...he won't change. Who cares what he thinks? Jeez. Let OP do what feels best for her.

I’m really not thinking about him at all? I am not invested in this situation whatsoever, what a bizarre thing to think. But the OPs behaviour won’t have the impact she thinks it will with silly photos and telling him he is shit in bed. It’s not the move you seem to think it is.

I’m really not thinking about him at all? Yes it's all about him justifying his behaviour, deterring him etc.

Okay sure, change my narrative, whatever makes you feel good.

@martinisforeveryone yh I also think @Twazique ‘ s memo is a funny twist!

But I kinda agree with your major point about the merit of not letting him know exactly why. Why I like my very own “I found out about your lying. Do not contact me again”, leaves him clear but also wondering ….

I like this one too. I think he needs to know he's been rumbled so definitely send the screen shot and maybe he might learn something?? But block immediately, he's not worth your attention. Any elaborate revenge plan while fun to daydream about, is not worth your energy - it just gives him the power and the oxygen he doesn't deserve. I'm so sorry.

This happened to me years ago - I just ghosted him to avoid the awkward conversation - in case he thought I was checking up on him- and I kind of regret it now. I wish I'd let him know what I'd seen online to stop him maybe assuming I was the flaky one, rather than the reality that I was responding to his bad behaviour, setting boundaries of how I deserve to be treated.

Wow, I’ve seen women bend themselves out of shape coming up with excuses for mens shit, but this one is really special, even suggesting the good female friend of OPs is jealous, because of course that’s the only motivation ever assigned to women, so a nice dose of misogyny with that dick pandering.

Yes, I think that leaving him a bit baffled element is the best revenge without pulling any stunts which are funny to laugh about here and with a friend, but ultimately just not really worth the bother.

WRT previous comments, it's not up to the OP to try and educate him for future romantic encounters.

Since you're both in the habit of messaging to tell each other you are on the way, you could always send one that says 'leaving now'.

The penny will eventually drop that what you actually meant was that you were leaving him.

You’re fabulous and your priorities are absolutely spot on! Continue to celebrate your friendships. As much as I would love you AND your mate to get dressed up to the nines and be waiting for him in a crowded restaurant, this guy doesn’t deserve the effort. I think I would ask him “Ever wonder why girls ghost you?” Via text and leave him hanging.

Clever!

This is genius!!

I’d post the picture, maybe leave the # but post a picture of you together. It’s a shame in a way you don’t want to see him, because actually taking a pic of you and your friend together earlier on, then meeting him and just sending him the picture and watching him squirm would be fun 😂.

But try and enjoy your night with your friends tonight. Forget him he’s a cunt.

"Leaving now " this is great as its exactly what I would txt.... but this time I'll mean leaving the relationship now, great!

Have you actually said anything yet then or have you been talking to him as normal

She’s not responsible for his behaviour or for making him a better person, you can take that up with his parents. She also doesn’t have to consume herself with double guessing how he is going to react, it’s irrelevant, OP should do what she wants to do FOR HERSELF, not in the hope of a specific reaction from him.

Acting completely normal

I never said she was responsible. What I said was that those actions won’t have the impact she hopes it will. Which in turn won’t give her the satisfaction she wants to get closure on the situation. I think in some cases revenge can be epic. I think the suggestions that people have given here are not and the best thing OP can do is send him the screenshot and then block. Thats my opinion, no need to shout at me in capitals.

Do you want to see him squirm or do you want this over with? If you want to see him squirm, have your friend drop you off tonight. Enjoy the blank panic on his face then the bullshit explanation, then go for a drink and meal with your friend.