My friend just screenshot a photo of my boyfriend on a dating site

[Mountaindewstar]

Well well well what an absolute c*t! I hate that word but yep what a c*t!!
In a relationship with a man for 11 months, had the exclusive chat. See each other regularly, relationship seemed good. My friend has just sent me a screenshot of him on a dating site... so at 1st I tried to look at it as positively as can be ...maybe it's an old profile... but no he likes her profile and he has recently been active.

I am so hurt and gutted but I'm happy to say my anger has taken over!!!! We were meant to see each other for the whole weekend this weekend coming all planned, dinner booked, swimming, walks a lunch, cinema... obviously now im not going... any advice on what I should message, I dont feel he is owed the dignified face to face end it... seriously what an absolute bastard!!!
I don't want to be hysterical in my msg , classy would be good but also let him know what I have been shown!
I'm so glad he has never met this friend!! He has no idea who she is ... utter scumbag

Then he's a sad bastard.
Either way, physical cheating or not, many people would find that behaviour unacceptable and potentially very embarrassing that other people think their boyfriend is cheating on them.

The only problem with the ghosting option is that he might turn up at the door in the name of concern. A face to face interaction would then occur in which he then attempts to defend himself.

Whereas with the photo with the friend + block, it would send him scuttling back into the shadows. You wouldn’t need any hashtags either.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. He sounds like a total scumbag and you sound so so lovely.
I liked one of the first replies you had where you gently end the relationship because he's terrible in bed. He'll be far too embarrassed to just turn up at your house then.
You could stand him up first and when he messages send, as a reply, that you just couldn't put yourself through a weekend of having to pretend you enjoy having sex with him. Enough is enough and wish him luck with his future 😂

So sorry you are going through this but whatever you finally decide with regards to how to end it, you will be ok.

😂😂😂class!

I'd make a fake account yourself with a photo of a stunning woman (I'm sure you are anyway).

Like his photo and message him asking if you can meet up this weekend (whilst he's meant to be with you). Tell him it's the only time you can do as your are then away for a while.

See if he cancels you or what he does.

dont. Doing anything like this is just further ego stroking to him that you care enough to plan a response. Just ghost. That simple. Cut him off without an explanation. He deserves the grand total of nothing.

Why?

See I wouldn't consider it giving your power away by sending the screenshot of his messages to your friend. I'd see it as the ultimate in wiping the floor with him and leaving him with no way of coming back from how bad he's going to look and feel.

Ugh. I’m so sorry he’s treated you this way.

He reminds me of that fable of the dog with the bone and he sees his own reflection in a pond. Not realising it’s a reflection, he decides that bone is better, opens his mouth to try to grab it and drops the bone he already has in his efforts to get the one in the reflection.

He sounds like he won’t ever be happy with what he has. I doubt he’ll ever be a safe partner for anyone.

Am I right in thinking all the info in his profile was correct but in the actual messages to her he lied about his job? Is there a reason he'd lie about it? Just think you should still talk to him to check it's not a catfish. I agree it probably isn't and he's a dick but after 11 months you should be 100% sure before you pull the plug. Don't leave it to your friend to send you screenshots of a convo, just talk directly to him. You shouldn't ever make big life decisions based on what someone else tells you they've seen online.

Also I would say, your friend sounds like she might be enjoying the situation (your relationship collapsing) a little too much. It's great that she told you, but if I was your friend, I wouldn't actively participate in the drama of you getting your heart broken. S good friend will advise you to talk to him or break up with him and not carry on chatting to him to rub in how terrible he is. It isn't nice to treat it like a tv series but appreciate this is actually your bf, he's cheating on you, or trying to, with her. Her contact with him should have ended with her showing you the profile, then leave it to YOU to figure it out.

It's like your bf flirts with your friend and she tells you and you believe her and you're heartbroken. But then they carry on flirting and she takes photos of it to 'prove' it. Just unnecessary and not helping you at all.

It's like your bf flirts with your friend and she tells you and you believe her and you're heartbroken. But then they carry on flirting and she takes photos of it to 'prove' it.

This scenario is absolutely nothing like that.

Literally nothing.

You sound like an ideal candidate for men to pull wool over the eyes of ....."oh be doubly and triply sure", "she's been flirting with him and is enjoying the situation".

Dont write a sentence to him. Don’t even say a word to him. And no pictures.
Be normal and maybe even extra luvvy duvvy right up to the point he’s gone for the weekend away and is waiting for you, then leave him on read.

If u want to involve friend, on the following night, she could say she’s at a loose end, arrange to meet him, then also leave him on read.

I mean i'm happily married to someone I met on the Apps and also know what schadenfreude is. And it is exactly like that because it's a dating app and her friend had zero need to get into a conversation with OP's bf. She did her duty by sharing the profile, OP believed her even though we all know a large % of profiles on the Apps are bots and catfish. Needing to carry on a conversation was pointless as it's just made OP feel even worse. She went from wanting to have a calm, unemotional conversation (her words) to doing a joint revenge plan with her friend blocking him. Even though her friend doesn't even know the guy and never dated him - and it's only OP who is impacted. That is next level grief vampire-ing - inserting yourself into someone else's tragedy like you're a joint main character.

Also I don't treat all men and women the same. You sound like the sort of person who believes everything someone else tells them without doing any due diligence. Asking your bf directly by showing him screenshots and THEN ending things is just common sense!

Op, I mean this gently, just do it. It’s over. You’ve irrefutable proof. I know it hurts. But for your own dignity, just end it, stop with the pretend games and messaging him like normal.

You sound like the sort of person who believes everything someone else tells them without doing any due diligence.

How laughably ironic.

also know what schadenfreude is.

Congratulations.

Do you always project that into scenarios where it doesn't exist.

There is nothing in this thread to back up anything you've claimed about op's mate.

You also keep ignoring who started the conversations. Not op's mate.

As I said, you are a absolute prime candidate to have the wool pulled over your eyes by a man.

You actually compared this scenario to a woman flirting with another woman's partner and then enjoying telling her. It's very clear how your mind works.

Perhaps your assumption of schadenfreude etc in other women in a reflection of your own character.

It's not really bizarre. He's covering all bases and wants as much as he can get.

It's such a horrible saying as well as being immature in this situation. As far from classy as you can get.

There is a chance he didn't delete his profile?
It happened to my friend. I saw her BF picture on Bumble nearly 2 yrs after they'd met and told her and she told him ( they'd moved in by then). He said he never deleted the profile but the app was offloaded so wasn't used.
He downloaded it then and deleted the profile.

Is he active on this site? Just saying before you jump to anything.

Edited to say I read some earlier posts- couldn't read all 19 pages though.

Sorry OP. DUMP

Asking your bf directly by showing him screenshots and THEN ending things is just common sense!

Here's a clue for you cause you haven't managed to grasp it .... He's not her boyfriend. He never was.

Why on earth would she need to show him the screenshots before finishing with him??

That's not common sense, that's the opposite of common sense, it's totally unnecessary.

Read the thread.

I think you should talk to the bf beforehand . Do you totally trust your work friend ? Are these acts of revenge totally necessary ? Why is she planning various scenarios with you rather than listening/talking to you as a way of support .

Posting pics and trying to get one over on him just make it look like you’ve set him up or orchestrated something devious. You'll look and bad as him.
He's the one entirely in the wrong. Go quietly but decisively.