My friend just screenshot a photo of my boyfriend on a dating site

[Mountaindewstar]

Well well well what an absolute c*t! I hate that word but yep what a c*t!!
In a relationship with a man for 11 months, had the exclusive chat. See each other regularly, relationship seemed good. My friend has just sent me a screenshot of him on a dating site... so at 1st I tried to look at it as positively as can be ...maybe it's an old profile... but no he likes her profile and he has recently been active.

I am so hurt and gutted but I'm happy to say my anger has taken over!!!! We were meant to see each other for the whole weekend this weekend coming all planned, dinner booked, swimming, walks a lunch, cinema... obviously now im not going... any advice on what I should message, I dont feel he is owed the dignified face to face end it... seriously what an absolute bastard!!!
I don't want to be hysterical in my msg , classy would be good but also let him know what I have been shown!
I'm so glad he has never met this friend!! He has no idea who she is ... utter scumbag

I agree, can’t beleive anyone would even think that. But some folks always want to blame the woman.

Im so so sorry. I would just be honest. I can understand that you are angry and you are entitled to be, your feelings are valid, but i don't think you are an unkind person, you don't sound like one, but you do sound hurt.

So don't stoop towards his level and be unkind don't give him that energy of yours as, I believe what we give out, we get back. He is going to be kidding out on being in a loving and loyal relationship, with the amazing you. Hold your head up high and act like an adult instead of dropping your standards towards his level.

Simply ignoring him and blocking him right now would be good if you are feeling too angry to not do anything petty, unkind and reactive. This is completely understandable that you feel like being unkind to make him suffer some! Your feelings are justified. He will and does suffer, just in his pathetic existance of he goes around treating women like that.

If you feel that you can respond with dignity (don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he's hurt you, this will feed into his ego) then what about something like "Sorry it didn't work out, I was under the illusion you were a decent human being, I deserve better than you" and send the print screen from the dating site.

I'm so so sorry that this has happened to you. What is wrong with some people!!

Buy your friend a drink 🍸 Block him and give him no more thought.

I havent decided what to sent yet. After reading someone say he has obviously decided its over for him and on the look out for someone else I'm tempted to wait to see if our plans this weekend still stand. So I'm going to sit it out and wait , see what hes like on Friday when we make our usual see you at this time at this place txt...he would have every opportunity then to cancel plans and then I know it was because he was going to end it, not that that's ok either just want to see what his angle is here.
I think if he still plans to see me this weekend, it shows hes a player.
Anyway whatever I send via txt will be calm and straight to the point, some of the suggestions on here are great and I will be using bits and pieces so thank you! I am feeling quite gutted and humiliated today. It's been a real waste of time and I feel sick that I've ever been intimate with this creep 😔

Not blaming anyone. As stated, take all possibilities into consideration, and never underestimate people - men or women. That's all.

Have the simplest conversation OP, which is 'I know you've just opened an account on xxx. Why?'

The listen closely.

Could your friend message him on the site and ask to meet up this weekend and see if he agrees and cancels your plans? Is he definitely still active on the dating site?

😂😂😂Beyonce. That's brilliant, made me genuinely laugh out loud.

Me too, hilarious 😂😂😂

before you go ham

Is there any chance that

a) its an old account he never shut down

b) its someone using his pictures - this happens more than you would think

It says recently active and he liked my friends pictures

Yes says recently active liked friends pics, and said just joined

Slight correction. You could have course if you wanted “share your feelings” though this is usually better in person anyway, you can’t take back writing. Only you know you and the situation.

The point I’m making is that women are encouraged to always share their feelings and emotions, when it is actually inappropriate, superfluous, indulgent to them and disempowering to you. Eg. Why say you’re disappointed, when actually you’re angry. Why say sad to hear that when actually you’re thinking what a jerk. Do you get my drift? Keeping it direct and non emotional can avoid this. But it’s always, always up to you how you handle it. We are all different.

Yes I totally get your point and actually agree.

I'd just ghost him.

Just ignore any communication if he tries to contact you.

It prob will still stand, some men like to get the next one lined up before they drop the hammer I’m afraid.

shamefully I’ve a male friend who just did this, we all knew he was going to end it, as he had told us, kept saying he needed to sort the “Sharon situation” (fake name) . He was still seeing her and shagging her, even though we were saying it wasn’t ok, it went on for about a month to six weeks, he then met someone and after the first successful date then phoned “Sharon” and binned her immediately after , like literally went straight home and did it, poor woman was supposed to be going to his for the weekend and didn’t see it coming. He was basically keeping her going till the next one, so he’d shit to do of a weekend, and kept getting laid.

just end it op.

The suggestion by @TotalDramarama24 is a good one, if you're looking for a definitive answer. Ask your friend to message him and propose a date this weekend, see what he comes back with. I suppose there is a very small chance his photos have been catfished/he's on a dating site for a pathetic ego boost. Not that the latter is OK, but still.

As ludicrous as this might sound, it happened to me. A 'friend' of mine created a fake App profile using my photos and used it to catfish guys. We had the same hair and complexion. She did it for months and I had no idea as was in a LTR at the time.. A colleague saw me on there and told me. Was so angry and we've had no contact since. It would have been awful if DH had found out as I imagine he'd think I was cheating especially since she didn't fill in most of the profile. In this woman's case she wasn't jealous of me, just thought my photos looked better and would get her a first date where presumably they'd love her personality so much, they wouldn't care. Utter weirdo and for all I know she's still using my photos!

Ghost him. Let him deal with the negative psychological effects.

"I thought we were on the same page about our relationship, but it turns out the page you are on is bumble.com. I have no interest in seeing you again, because I know I deserve better."

This is just perfect.

I'm sorry OP, I really am.

I had this happen to me, and I (with the help of 2 friends) did the full cat fish on him, including a burner phone where he was texting me as his "new date" on one phone and then texting the real me on my real phone and telling me how much he loved me. It's mental gymnastics when you see it, but I was so much in denial a friend of mine needed it drummed into me that this was very much over. The catfish ended up with him meeting the fictious "new date" who of course never turned up, and then he texted the real me straight after to say something on the lines of "Oh yeh very funny, well done, you win..." When I asked what on earth he was talking about, he back-tracked massively realising he couldn't say "Well I planned to meet a woman on a dating site and she stood me up, so I know it was you all along..." as that would be him busted and he could never ever be sure.

This was about 20 years ago and not something I could ever be bothered with now, or recommend, as it takes an awful lot of emotional energy and is rather childish when I look back. As others have said a simple screen shot of his dating profile and a "It's over" followed by a block will do. The block is important as a) he will "try" to manipulate you into believing black is white otherwise and b) the absolute BEST punishment you can give someone is to never ever ever allow them to say their piece and forever leave them hanging in their own purgatory. Trust me.

So many of these guys are addicted to these dating sites and apps. They struggle to let go even when in a relationship. It's happened to me twice before.

This is good.

I think he needs to know he's been rumbled on the dating site - which won't happen if you ghost him

Did you reply to him yesterday? Would you usually communicate with each other day to day?

I Like the idea of texting him a screenshot and just saying “Ta ta”.