My friend just screenshot a photo of my boyfriend on a dating site

[Mountaindewstar]

Well well well what an absolute c*t! I hate that word but yep what a c*t!!
In a relationship with a man for 11 months, had the exclusive chat. See each other regularly, relationship seemed good. My friend has just sent me a screenshot of him on a dating site... so at 1st I tried to look at it as positively as can be ...maybe it's an old profile... but no he likes her profile and he has recently been active.

I am so hurt and gutted but I'm happy to say my anger has taken over!!!! We were meant to see each other for the whole weekend this weekend coming all planned, dinner booked, swimming, walks a lunch, cinema... obviously now im not going... any advice on what I should message, I dont feel he is owed the dignified face to face end it... seriously what an absolute bastard!!!
I don't want to be hysterical in my msg , classy would be good but also let him know what I have been shown!
I'm so glad he has never met this friend!! He has no idea who she is ... utter scumbag

You've been with him 11 months and he hasn't met your friends?!

Maybe he didn't think you were being serious about things with him.

No ring - no commitment, I am surprised grown-up people don't know that. Also, hate to disappoint, but sometimes even with a ring you don't get a commitment, you get a cheating husband, but without a ring? Without marriage? Seriously, ladies, time to wake up.

What a scumbag! This happened to me i was in a 9 year relationship and had a child with this man and my friend saw him on a dating site 🤦 the worst part was his profile said he didn't have children!
Im glad your ex got caught early on! go and have a fabulous weekend without him.

That's naive. Ring or no ring, people either are or aren't the sort of person to cheat.

Why don't you have your friend send him a flirty message and ask him to meet up before the weekend. If he agrees then you could just show up and just walk away. He could possibly say it was a "scammer" using his "nice"profile to get women. It does actually happen. At least you will know.

Ha ha! A ring made absolutely zero difference to my ex husband who was a prolific cheat. You are very naive.

Just thinking outside the box a bit here.

The profile says newly joined. The details posted are what you know of him. And, presumably, you've shared details about him in chats with your work friend.

It is not beyond the realms of possibility that your friend is envious of your relationship growing nicely, whilst she is still in app-land. Coupled with a bit of social media research, and a convincing profile is made to put a spike in your happy wheel.

It sounds like he is making a big effort for your weekend away. Men are lazy, if something is truly going well they often don't have the bandwidth to put effort into chasing others.

Think back about details you have shared and what's publicly available.

It's just a possibility to consider. Sometimes people are unbelievable c**s when jealousy comes to town.

The revenge stuff is entertaining to talk about on a support site, but in reality all this does is shows him your hurt and elevates his level of importance (in his own eyes). If you tell him he's a shit fuck he will know perfectly well what's likely to have provoked such a sudden and extreme change of mood.

I'd just reply to his 'I miss you text' with something cold, non-commital and uninteresting. I.e. 'that's a pity. I'm afraid our arrangement no longer interests me'.

That's low drama, completely non-defensive communication. With these types, merely being dumped is quite sufficient to dent their egos.

Can you not lower yourself to these stupid tactics. If a man came back with personal (and false) attacks on a woman’s performance or sex organs you’d all be going catatonic.

Stay classy.

Exactly OP, tell him you’ve logged onto massive-schlongs.co.uk, didn’t find his dating profile on there (weird), but have decided your relationship has definitely run its course.

I think that this is really, really reaching.

Why on earth would it be easier to be contractually linked to the cheating bastard? Rings don’t always equal commitment people, that’s why divorce lawyers live in big houses.

Thank goodness your friend is a loyal girls girl. We all need friends like this in our corner!

I like the very first response you got on this post:

Screenshot his dating profile and say 'we're finished'

It's cold and clinical.

Ignore all other attempts at contact (he'll beg and grovel and deny the profile is current etc.)

There's nothing more dignified than the truth.
I would forward the message from your friend containing the screenshot and say it's over. No messing about with games and jokes, you're above that.

Not sure about blocking. I would want to hear what he has to say and get some sort of closure after 11 months.

@roastedrapidly I quite like that brevity and simplicity, I have to say. So powerful: if his gut doesn’t drop a few inches after that, he’s not human.

Alright Beyoncé, calm down. She's been going out with him for 11 months. Why would she expect or be stupid enough to accept a 'ring' after 11 months?

Have you decided how to tackle this yet?

Personally, I'd send the screenshot. Nothing else. No comment. Watch the desperate texts and calls rack up on your phone for the day. Then block. The end.

Just ghost him.

Honestly - I wouldn’t try to be clever and snappy here. You can laugh about what a lame arsehole he is in 6 weeks time when the initial sting has faded.

say what you need to say directly. You have every right to be furious. But knowing you reacted with grace despite that will (I think) help you move on faster.

I would forward the photo - but with a message saying something like…

“A close friend forwarded me this - can see you have been recently active. I know there is no explanation or excuse that can come back from this for me. The relationship clearly meant more to me than you - but I am grateful that I know this and am able to let it go. Please cancel any plans or reservations you had made for this weekend. I wish you well.”

then make plans with girlfriends instead and do all your favourite things with people who haven’t and wont let you down xxx

This made me raise an eyebrow. Surely no one believes this. A ring makes fuck all difference, some folks are in a committed relationship with no ring, some have cheating husbands with a ring, how can anyone not know that. Or think that after nearly a year this sort of thing is par for the course.

I didn't say that 🙈😂 I said he hasnt met all of my friends, I suggest you read the thread properly. This friend is classed as a work friend. We have both met each others friends and family

Keep us posted OP. Hope you’re ok. X

Can you see how long he’s been on the dating site op? Like when he joined? Either he’s been cheating all along, or he’s recently joined as he has decided to end it and is looking for someone else first, some blokes do this, just so they can keep getting sex till the new one is in place. It’s sickening.

What do you, on balance, think is most likely though?

And do you think OP should give the benefit of the doubt to her existing friend (who she says is a loyal one) or a man she's been dating?

Your post is very strange!

Sorry I see it is newly joined.

ok, then it’s safe to say he’s decided it’s over, he’s now looking for someone else, and will keep you going till he’s found that person. Likely to get laid.

sorry op.