My husband is taking the p**s!!

[rosetta32]

I need to rant because I have nowhere else to rant. But I'm getting so frustrated with my husband.

We have a newborn baby and a 20 month old, so it's all very chaotic in the house, very busy, little sleep etc.

I am on maternity leave so at home with the kids in the week, which is lovely but also very tiring. When it comes to the weekend, it's nice to get a bit of a break and share responsibilities but this does not seem to be the case. He keeps booking golf days at the weekend (6-8 hours), football trips.

Today, he said he was nipping to see his friend and the gym at 10am. It's 7pm and he's not home, decided to enjoy the weather and grab drinks. I'm just furious, tired and pretty upset. Has he checked out do we think :(?

Either way, you need to talk to him and agree how your times on his days off are to be spent at the very least

Also put yourself in his shoes and then chat to him*

She knows how her times on his days off are going to be spent. Caring for two small children with no help or support, that's how.

How about DH puts himself in OP's shoes?

What an absolute tool. He deserves both barrels.

Don’t be silent OP, you would be fully entitled to loose your shit here.

This.

He knows exactly what he has done, hence his actions this morning.

Manipulative a*hole. That's exactly what he's done, trying to act like a good Dad taking DC1 out. He could have SPOKEN to you to understand the best time to take them BOTH out, straight after a feed. Whilst his hangover is raw, your brother should give him the cold shoulder, have a word, then you should tell DH to get out.

If he wanted to watch the boxing so much, or see his friends why did he go out at 10am?? Wasn't the boxing into the small hours. Maybe if he was hands on all day, helping with household chores, DCs, letting you rest then he could have gotten away with going out in the evening. Unforgivable.

Has he gone out in the car with the toddler?! If so, then there would be no going back for me as he will be drink driving given how drunk he was.

Really hope he hasn't driven he'll be over the limit.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I am going to ask him to leave tonight, as hard as this is going to be. Things are not matching up after our conversation and I don't want to end up being miserable in the long run. For the sake of my kids I have to put a stop to all of this now.

Years of marriage, I cannot believe this happening. Feel totally numb and broken.

Things are not matching up after our conversation

That speaks volumes. So sorry.

What do you mean how are you going to cope? The way single parents all over the globe have to.
Ditch the useless prick and power on. You'll be fine once you get into a rhythm.

Devastating for you OP but you are doing the right thing.
Sending you best wishes.

@rosetta32
Im so sorry things have turned out this way.

Maybe some time apart will be helpful in deciding where to go from here onwards.
Be kind to yourself x

Talk about kicking someone when they're down. A bit of empathy and kindness might not go amiss.

Can we leave out the usual sexist nonsense please? I can assure you that as a man, things very much did change and I did my bit.

Sexism towards men or women is not okay, and posts like yours just fuel the divide.

Some men don’t do their bit, but equally some women don’t either - it’s a people problem, not a gender problem.

I’m a man, and for their record I think their post is garbage too.
Kids are indeed much harder than work IMO!

OP, now that you have made your decision, and have told him or are about to tell him, you now have to act FAST to get ahead of him.

Take photos or copies of all important documents relevant to his financial status:

• his payslips
• bank statements, including who has paid what into any joint accounts for the last few years
• his savings
• his pension statements for private or company pensions
• his accounts if he is self employed
• proof of who has paid what for the house (if owned/mortgaged), including who paid the initial deposit and who has paid for any major improvements
• who paid for any major furniture items that are of value, e.g. if you have a new sofa or similar

You might be lucky and have an amicable and sensible separation, but don't bank on it. If he turns nasty or deceitful, you will have the evidence you need for a fair financial settlement.

@Deathbyfluffy don't expect women not to state the truth of their own experiences and what is obvious when one looks at statistics. The vast majority of single parents are women. Study after study shows that men do less at home than women do. And so on and so on. Don't get upset about that and tell women off for daring to mention it.

How does one get hold of someone’s payslip’s. Mine are on a portal that my husband wouldn’t even know where it is as it’s on my work laptop.

Sending lots of strength to you! Well done for not standing for this absolutely appalling and selfish behaviour.

You are doing the hard but correct thing.

go to the gp when you can and get referred/waitlisted for therapy you might find it useful further down the road irrespective of how it pans out.

@teaandtoastwithmarmite same with dh.
But he still gets his end if the year summary for HMRC so that’s a good starting point.

True but I wouldn’t even know where that is. Anyway I get what you’re saying and sending strength to OP

This is appalling. He seems completely checked out. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I would book myself into a spa hotel for the week. Get up and leave in the middle of the night tonight. Leave a note stating his behaviour has severely damaged your mental health and you need a week away to recover from it. Leave formula in the kitchen for baby. He will have to take a weeks leave from work and look after both on his own all week. Then on Saturday you return. I seriously would do this before ending my marriage, basically give him one last proper chance to understand exactly what he is doing to you (and his children). After the week he either gets it, changes his behaviour permanently, or its over.

I would book myself into a spa hotel for the week. Get up and leave in the middle of the night tonight. Leave a note stating his behaviour has severely damaged your mental health and you need a week away to recover from it. Leave formula in the kitchen for baby. He will have to take a weeks leave from work and look after both on his own all week
Youll also need a large budget, nerves of steel to leave a newborn and toddler for a week, and a breast pump.

He's checked out of parenthood and behaving like a single man. I'd be tempted to offer to return him to that state.

Can you stay with anyone who's a bit of use? At the moment he's coming home to dinner, clean clothes and home to go off and play. If he wants the single life remind him how he also gets to sort out his own shit.

Are your in laws supporting? They can give it to him straight. At the very least they need to know that their son isn't up to spec.