Husband has told me he is going to Thailand.

[Ilivetosleep]

My husbands older brother turns 50 this year. He is married and hads a new born baby. This afternoon when I got home from work ,my husband has declared that him, his brother, his nephew and two of their cousins are going to Thailand for his 50th. He hasn't mentioned this to me before and we have 4 kids and custody of my niece. Would you find this odd and worrying??

This.

His brother sounds like an awful individual. I hope he loses his knob in a freak accident at a ping pong show.

Your DH doesn't sound much better. HOW is that funny???

No answers but honestly they both sound like absolute dicks.

😂 I think this is a BIT of a generalisation. Who goes on a sex holiday with their family?!

Does the BIL get on with his wife? I find 'boys only' things are often because of One person wanting to get away from their partner so it becomes that so they can get away with this.

@Ilivetosleep

SHOW OF HANDS IF YOU DIDN'T read OP's last post?
Don't be embarrassed; there are lots of other posters who didn't read it either.

It was easy to miss, I suppose, but here's what Ilivetosleep wrote last. That would've been at 22:04.

"Ilivetosleep · Yesterday 22:04
Right. So he's back about an hour ago. Kids all sorted and he's had his shower.
I confronted him. I've just confronted him and he started laughing. Which wound me up even more. Then he said it was a joke and he didn't book anything and told his brother and cousins he's not going. But he thought it would be funny to wind me up as I'm so gullible."

OP, I do believe it was a joke, albeit a somewhat mean one. If he's anything like my DH, he says he does things like that "just to rattle your cage once in a while." After he said that 15 years ago, it explained a lot about the previous 30. I try not to give him the satisfaction of getting over. Someday, this may be a weirdly funny memory for the two of you. "Remember that time I almost divorced you?"

Unless you've put him under the patio? 😉

Thanks. Just the thought of him going to Thailand with his seedy brother and cousins. His nephew is quite naive and does most things to fit in with the men in the family. I slept better last night.

Nothing MrsKwazi wrote contradicts your point. Look at her sentence again.

Your husband is disgraceful for finding it funny to wind you up in this way. I suspect he had considered going anyway, but when you objected, he decided to say it had been a wind up. I don’t like the sound of him.

Nice to hear that from this thread that most people are going to regard him as a nonce then...

the marriage is rotting OP
re read your posts
transpires he was joking but after 25 years together you clearly don’t trust him

Did you simply tell him you were going when you went or did you discuss it with him?
I think this is important to understand the dynamic of your relationship.
At the end of the day, there can always be reasons to justify what you did in comparison to what he is doing - if you want to find them.

Your husband shouldn't give up his day job.
Funny he is not.

Would you be worried if it was Tenerife? or are we going down the generalising/racist rabbit hole again

please explain the racism. I spent a year living in Thailand and another decade living close enough to have visited dozens of times. The sex industry, especially the part that includes CSA is rife. If you haven’t been, or have only stayed in a 5* resort on Samui you cannot possibly understand it.

fgs the catastrophising on here is ridiculous sometimes.

Absolutely true, before I moved there I visited and thought I understood.

Until you have spent a lot of time there and seen beneath the veneer of luxury hotels and ‘The Land of Smiles’ trope, you don’t get it.

Joke my arse. Testing the waters. Start building plan B. If he can't get away with this one he'll be trying something else shortly.

A group of cyclists who have been to lots of other varied places and would allow women to join them are probably going to see the temples and experience the wonderful culture. It’s all about context though.

When I was there with my partner there were working women coming at him even though I was there. Yes I think there is a good reason the sensible brother is avoiding it.

I take it those MNers who say it wouldn’t bother them at all, haven’t been to Thailand and seen so many gross old Western blokes with tiny little Thai girls who look about 13.

I've read your update. 🤬 What. A. Shit.

Have a heart to heart with the sensible brother - what does he know about all this?

Are all the men on this trip with wives/partners? Do they have mums, sisters, aunts, adult daughters?

I'd be having heart to hearts with every one of them.

Share what people who know what they're talking about have told you here in no uncertain terms exactly why men go to Thailand. And it's not for the scenery. Send some reputable online links.

And keep sharing it. Make sure they know exactly what is being planned. You could spare some woman or child at least one ghastly customer.

And then share what your husband's just done to you - because are they pulling the same trick themselves? Keeping the wives on their toes?

You've got an army of disgusted strangers right here.

Build a smaller army of disgusted female relations who are part of their lives and may support you and give this family of shits hell.

There's a saying - revenge is a dish best served cold. You could either let him know this so he's kept in agony waiting for when/if yours is served years later, or let him think he's got away with it and relax, then ...

But I have a feeling this whole thing may be your 'punishment' for going away yourself - his dish served very cold indeed.

Most importantly, look at the rest of your relationship - is this a one off or does he have form for treating you like this?

Do not take this lying down.

given this, why did you visit and support the economy and tourism?

The only reason they're going to Thailand is to rape young (possibly under aged) trafficked women.

It was decades ago, before it was widely known about, and even then it was rife!

God knows what it must be like now.

and younger and boys.

I was once sitting in a bar with a male colleague. A barefoot boy aged about 4 walked up to him, put his hand on my colleague's crotch and started rubbing it and said what his price was.

This was by no means at all an isolated experience.

My colleague said no, and a fat, sweaty grubby white tourist came over, took the boy by the hand and walked away with him.

Definitely this.

So your husband thinks it's funny to announce he's going on a holiday to rape women and children?

the baffling thing is…. quite clearly many mumsnetters holiday there with their husbands and children

Oh say this isn't true! 😔I had no idea really until reading this thread that children this young are part of these mens depravity.

I have never been to Thailand and knowing I could see something as you described means I will never visit. The reality of the situation appears to be really very grave. Horrifying.