Husband has told me he is going to Thailand.

[Ilivetosleep]

My husbands older brother turns 50 this year. He is married and hads a new born baby. This afternoon when I got home from work ,my husband has declared that him, his brother, his nephew and two of their cousins are going to Thailand for his 50th. He hasn't mentioned this to me before and we have 4 kids and custody of my niece. Would you find this odd and worrying??

Oh wow, my FiL is holidaying to Thailand soon with a group of mostly male friends. Definitely not going for sex tourism, it’s a cycling holiday. As a group they’ve travelled the world exploring on such holidays at least twice a year since they were in their 30s (now in their 70s). I’ve got no concerns they’re thinking of anything other than cycling, but can’t help feeling they’re in for a shock, and worry what others might be thinking about them.

I used to work in Thailand - 4 years. I worked with an organisation that helped children victims of sex trafficking and organ trafficking.

If a man is going to Pattaya then he is going for for child sexual abuse purposes. I say that without hesitation.

Would you be worried if it was Tenerife? or are we going down the generalising/racist rabbit hole again

It's not the Thais that are being blamed for this extremely poor behaviour! It's the men doing the raping, they are entirely the ones being looked down on.

I work with people from (and in) Thailand - plenty of ladyboy jokes from their direction, acknowledgement and distaste for what western blokes go there to do.

Reading this thread makes me so sad. Thailand is stunning, absolutely glorious place for a holiday.

Agree 💯 about Pattaya though.

I know what Thailand is very well.
Complicated and beautiful.

There are many women who are not prostitutes, there is a class system and the general society is very traditional.

However, one of its now traditions is the sale of young bodies to sex
tourists.

Pattaya is a hub for sex tourism and I lived there for years.

I knew a lot of the ex pats settled in Pattaya and I knew the tourists.

I knew the women working there and I still know some of the ‘ lucky’ ones who made it back to my home country with their new husbands.

The statement that to discuss sex tourism is racist, is a way to stop the conversation.

Refusing to acknowledge the issue is a way of ignoring the abuse and the people who suffer it.

shouldnt have mattered as long as you trust him, and you can go away if you wanted too

we cant stop our friends and family from doing things, its their life and we cant be judged on their actions

I'm a man and have been to Thailand maybe 15 times, but not for the sex industry. It is a beautiful place, and I thoroughly recommend going to anyone. There is so much to do, and it is one of my favourite places.

That being said, I do agree with everyone above that 95% of men/groups of men ARE going for sex. It's actually amusing (cringy) to watch at the airport... all other flights have families, businessmen, old couples, etc, all in 'normal' ratios, but with Thai flights, there is a wildly disproportionate number of single (sleezy-looking) men.

For a girlfriend/wife, I'd say it's a dangerous place; not for safety, but for relationships. I've been there with family mostly, but also with my partner, and all times I've been approached by women, even in completely innocuous places. I'm not going to lie, it's great for the ego, but also incredibly disturbing as those girls look young!

There's no way at least one, if not all guys are going for that reason.

Ugh. Not a chance.

So all the "boy" family are going. I wouldn't have an issue but i trust my husband have you been to Thailand? Not everyone goes for sex. If his brother has form then yes that probably is is motivation but he isnt travelling alone. While he can do what he likes that doesnt mean your husband or rest of family are doing the same. Thailand is my favourite place and ive been many times.

This depemds how much your cab TRUST your DH

The destination doesnt really matter. He can find sex anywhere

Why is it good for your ego? I don't understand. Surely you know they don't fancy you and just want money

It’d be interesting to have a chat with him and find out why he’s not interested in going.

I just hope their not after the kids.

This is completely unacceptable OP. Tell him precisely that.

This - this😆😂

Please do this OP!

It’s a very long way for a 50th and quite a specific location particularly for a males only holiday. If he wanted a trip of a lifetime to Thailand, he’s more likely to go with his wife isn’t he? For contrast, I’ve just been to a lodge in the north of England for a 50th due to my set up. Or they can go to Benidorm and get pissed up for the week.

I agree.

However, there is something different about places like Pattaya.
Because the sex industry is extremely visible, and so many peers are taking part in it without any shame, it changes the balance.

The PP that talked about a man telling her how the Thai wife was perfect is familiar.

I have been part of conversations with men there who have told me that Thai women actually love to give random old men blowjobs. Not that they have to but that it’s a pleasure for them!

The men that gather there enter into a form of agreement which excuses behaviour that they would not usually be open about.

The agreed bullshit is that Thai women are sexual and giving in a way that ugly, frigid British/ German/ Australian women are not.

However, once they marry the women she turns from the happy whore into the modest subservient wife.
Again in contrast to the mouthy ugly harpies in their own country.

This is the agreed delusion in Pattaya which the men buy into in order to normalise it.

I have witnessed a conversation over Christmas lunch for ex pats with two men talking about coming back from Cambodia.

They went there to rape very young children.
They openly laughing and telling stories, and out of around 50 ex pats I was the only person who had any objection.

This delusion, plus the beautiful young people and temptation and peer pressure, is why Thailand can be a different sort of destination.

I wouldn't let my husband go on a boys holiday to Thailand BUT I have spoken about this to my husband and he agrees as it's come up before ... Men go to Thailand for the cheap drinks and easy sex/happy ending massage parlours. Everywhere you turn in Thailand they can get woman. They're sleezy 50 yr old men that need an ego drive.

I saw the all male hols with the Thai women at breakfast at cheap beach resorts and worse (western man and young Thai boy).

Unless someone in the group has a long term goal of back packing/ seeing the elephants, I'd be concerned.

Plus, he doesn't just get to announce he's going away when he has family and other responsibilities. It's a discussion at this stage of life.

I agree, it’s obvious why his brother has chosen Thailand. However this is a very odd choice for a family holiday…Not only should he not be going, she should be keeping a very big distance from this brother. It is also questionable as to why a 50 year old married man feels he needs to organise a family lads trip of this kind. The fact that he’s going along with it is concerning.

Why is it good for your ego? I don't understand. Surely you know they don't fancy you and just want money

Honestly men never fail to surprise me. I really don't think being confused for a sex tourist is something to feel good about.

Are you and others in the thread actually this naive, or just male?

A few months ago, before I’d ever been to Thailand, I might have been slightly concerned about the stereotyping. Having been, I was horrified. Sitting on the plane, my husband (who is oblivious to everything) muttered at me to look around at the huge number of middle aged single white blokes. I’m sure the odd one was on a legitimate business trip, but it was blatantly obvious why the rest were going.

We had a fabulous holiday and I’d love to go back, but I can’t reconcile that with what goes on there.

Others will be absolutely thinking they are going for the obvious and most likely reason.

Thailand is not a place that immediately comes to mind for a cycling holiday.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’d be furious! He’s upset you and caused you so much anxiety with this ‘prank’, what an idiot!

Thank goodness he’s not going.

Worrying though that your SIL has a young baby and a husband so willing to put her at risk of STIs - that I could not just let go!