Husband has told me he is going to Thailand.

[Ilivetosleep]

My husbands older brother turns 50 this year. He is married and hads a new born baby. This afternoon when I got home from work ,my husband has declared that him, his brother, his nephew and two of their cousins are going to Thailand for his 50th. He hasn't mentioned this to me before and we have 4 kids and custody of my niece. Would you find this odd and worrying??

definitely not for sex? You would know because he would tell you?

is that what most men do? tell their female friends that they engage in the sexual exploitation of vulnerable people or like getting their rocks off by ejaculating into the bodies of people who have not choice about being there? Is it only skeevy men who do it? Naturally it must be.... because it is so niche and none of the men we know or are related to could possibly do that.

The subject of holidays in Thailand always gets mumsnet in a twist. Its a huge and diverse country that offers an awful lot to tourists at still relatively cheap prices. Other posters have alluded to it already but I would be more concerned with where in Thailand someone was going rather then just assuming any visit to the country equates to sex tourism. Certain resorts rightly have a very poor reputations insofar as just catering to middle aged men's sexual kicks. At the end of the day you either trust your partner or not.

Why did he think that saying "I'm going to Thailand with the lads" in front of you and your mum was anything close to funny?

The only thing that statement has done has stress you out and question his character. That's not very ha ha funny at all is it?

Sounds like he's had a personality transplant, and needs another, quick.

Ok so the OPs husband sounds like an idiot. With some very questionable relatives/friends.

BUT my DH is just back from a tour of the far east. Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore and Cambodia. He went with his male friend. I am 100% confident they went diving, snorkeling, went to temples, sunbathed, shopped, ate out, hiked etc. They are both shy, risk averse, geeky intellectuals and not in the slightest bit 'laddy' or anything close.

Obviously I wasn't there, I don't know. But I'd bet my house there was no sex tourism by them. If there was he would be gone in an instant as purchasing another person's body is utterly abhorrent to me.

I've been to Thailand a few times with DH and it is an incredible country with amazing people.

This!

Chiang Mai - Elephants
Samui - high end beach resorts
Kanchanaburi - Erawan falls
Koi Phangan - Partying/drugs
Ko Lanta - cheaper beach resorts
Pattaya - sex,. likely underage.

The more people go for the non sex parts the better for the Thai people.

You’ve said down thread that he was just joking, and he isn’t going. Good!

If he changes his mind, here is my tuppence worth.

I used to live in Asia for a very long time as an expat. I have spent a lot of time in Thailand. I’ve heard it all before. Some men openly go to seedy places for the cheap sex with young girls. Others go on lads weekends, or stag do’s with no intention of cheating, yet they will get caught up in it some way or other.

The first question I would ask is where are they going? If it is some lovely family resort, or classy 5 star hotel in some beautiful location then fair enough. A few lovely days in the sun, and some culture, although they probably will still be able to locate it. If we are talking Pattaya, Bangkok (Oh the irony) or Phuket, then this is not just red flag, it’s a whole other level. Even if they go with no intention of sleeping with an exploited girl (often coerced by the men/ pimps in their own family to make quick money) they can quite easily get caught up in it. The sun, cheap booze, young skinny beautiful smiley Thai girls and egging on of their relatives can quite easily end up in renting one of these ladies or boys.

The second week I moved to Asia, I spent a week in Phuket with my DH’s company, and I was so disgusted with what I saw around the pool, in the streets and out and about, in bars, and the way women were treated and exploited, I had a massive argument with my DH and nearly left to come back to England.

In a nutshell ,with what I know, if my DH was going to Thailand on a lads holiday, he could pack all his bags as he wouldn’t be coming back.

🙄

It's not generalising/racist.

It's true.

It would seem so!

My nephew and his mates all went to Thailand, did this cross my mind.... yeah.
Until he said he was going with his Thai boxing club! He messaged when he was on the bus going to the training temple. He said he was shitting himself and that they hadn't seen civilisation for hours! I must say after he had arrived and settled in I was soo jealous temple 10 minutes walk from a beach no one used! Never forget the panic I felt when he had arrived and not messaged for days due to strict training 🤣🤣

Maybe your brother in law has chosen there for that reason but if you trust your husband and know your husband wants to be with his brother for his 50th. I mean I don't always wanna go where my siblings do for their birthdays bit make the effort

I mean to be fair, I don't think you need to show an interest in a country's culture in order to go on holiday there 😂

No, I don't agree with that at all and I think it's quite a sexist and racist thing to say.

First of all, I'm not saying there isn't a sex industry in Thailand but most men don't like paying for sex. I'm fed up of men being stereotyped as immoral sex obsessed cads who cheat at every possible opportunity. Besides all that, given the dynamics of the group in the OP's question, I'd rather hope a father wouldn't take his son to a red light district even if they did have loose morals themselves.

Second, there is a lot more to Thailand as a country than its sex industry. Admittedly there's a possibility that the main attraction for them is cheap alcohol and food but there are much nicer places to go than a red light district.

So he was pulling your leg after all, the cheeky fucker
Well, you fell hook, line and sinker! Now it is time for you to come back with a vengeance.

I bet none of them are going, it was all just one big wind up from the start from a bunch of very immature men.

Have a proper talk.
You can bring up the Thai sex industry and the fact that his unfaithful bro is going. It is right that you address your concerns about their behaviour.

This is why men get away with so much, women are shamed for seeing it.

I witnessed family groups in Pattaya.
My own hideous ex in law brought his fourteen year old virgin son and, to much whooping in the group, ‘bought’ him a women.

By the time they left two weeks later the son had sex with several women.
In this case the abuse was in both directions.
I wonder how this experience warped this boys outlook on women.

Dh stepped away from a group of friends who seemed to go through a midlife crisis around 50. They suddenly started wanted to go to places like strip clubs, Amsterdam and Thailand.

I wouldn't want to be with a man who obviously knows the optics of going to those places in a group of men, and would still go.

Everyone knows what they are going there for. Desperate, often under age. abused girls. And they don't even care that you and everyone else knows what they are going for.

Repugnant old fools.

Absolutely disgusting.

Where in Thailand are they going? Having been there myself I feel that’s important. Bangkok.. yes potential to worry because many men are there for sex tourism, although it is also becoming just a place for a cheap drinking holiday somewhere different. If he’s going to a Thai island / beach location I don’t think prostitution is the main motivation

That is not good. What a horrible way to treat you, leaving you so long to worry about it.

Have you been to Thailand? I'm sorry it's not racist to state facts and the facts are the sex industry is everywhere there. It's full of old white men with young Thai girls (and boys) draped all over them. It's actually disgusting. It's a beautiful country but I would never go back there and if my husband told me he was going there with a bunch of other guys I'd seriously consider ending the relationship (not something I would ever do lightly) because I know what the attraction is for a group of middle aged men.

In what way is it good for the ego to be approached by an underage likely trafficked girl for sex when she is only approaching you because you look like you might pay to stick your dick in a child?

For all your bluster about how you're not like those men.... Sounds a bit like you are if you find that anything other than absolutely repugnant.

As pp said some may not be going there with intention but they’ll certainly get caught up in it.

It can look like an innocent meet up. Challenge to play pool. Dinner dates. But it’s all transactional. She gets money with msybe the potential to have access to his money. He gets sex. And that happens everywhere.

No, most men do not do that!

But, IU would never book anything without checking with OH first - for respect, courtesy, childcare and finances

It wasn't a joke it was a test .

I’m a bit at the “brothers a serial cheat but my dh hasn’t as far as I’m aware” comment.

Presumably your dh tells you about his brothers indiscretions and that’s how you know? Cheaters often talk about what others are getting up to in a “isn’t he awful?” way to deflect what they’re up to themselves…plus the company they keep is very telling. I wouldn’t be convinced your dh is quite so innocent op.

And no way would my dh be going on that trip if he wanted to stay married.