Husbands friendship group are cheaters

[Sunseasand1]

My husband has come back from a weekend away with friends and family last month, where one of the group ended up having an affair, which resulted in the end of his longstanding marriage, and a second friend cheated. None of this information was offered by my husband, who said he was trying to protect them.
I am certain my husband was faithful.
Problem being they are planning another weekend away with the group of girls they met, one of whom is now the new gf of his family member.
My husband is now the only member of the group with a wife, and doesn’t want to miss the weekend away with his family members, one of whom lives abroad. But surely I’m right to be worried and upset about this.

Dh and I often do separate weekends away with friends but I would be uncomfortable with this.

I'd ask your dh how he would feel if you and your friends were going away with a group of younger men several of whom had slept with each other.

Your Husband is taking the mick out of you.

I don't think married people should be going anywhere with friends without their spouses (exception: traditional men-only pursuits like fishing (week-end) in male-only company in the same country, foreign fishing trips not OK). During this time I think it would be fair for a female spouse to engage in a mirror-like single-sex activity with female friends only. I would find it very odd if my husband even suggested it and I would certainly not think of going on a girls' holiday without him - we both work and spending time together is a luxury.

Are you serious?

We have managed many trips with our friends - without either of us being unfaithful I might add. How suffocating to not do this.

Although op, I wouldn’t be too happy about this particular trip.

Expecting you to keep their secret would make them a crap friend though.

That's just a weird take.

But the dynamic of what the OP is talking about sounds so teenage.

Nah, fu** that for a carry on OP!! That makes it even worse. Your OH can't go on that holiday, thats just bizarre.

Can't think of anything more revolting than a bunch of middle aged men on a "drunken shagfest". Visions of those losers from the office tv show!

Explain your fears and suggest he catches up with his friends/relatives another time. Singles holidays are for single people, he shouldn't go.

Being as the 2 lads knew they were married and had wives at home the blame lies mainly with them. I doubt very much either had a knife held to their throat while being pushed towards the bed, but yes, once the girls knew the lads were married they should have backed right off...who knows though in years to come they'll be jumping into bed with their next targets.

OP it normally wouldn't bother me if my DH went on a weekend break but the one you're describing would make my ears prick up.

It is a bit tricky as it could come across as you putting your DH in the same bracket as his cheating friends if you stop him going, lets be honest a person that has no intention of ever cheating while in a relationship wouldn't be too happy about being accused of being a cheater, but TBF I'm lost as to see why your DH, mates or not, is even considering going on this trip knowing how the last one ended and that you're not to happy about past behaviour, it's just a no.

I don't see this as being controlling, before anyone says it is, but I just wouldn't go if my DH thought I'd be putting friends before him on what after all isn't really an important family/friends holiday.

I agree, this is weird these days, as weird as monogamous families, binary identification, rules, etc, etc. Weird became normal and normal became weird, I agree.

None of this information was offered by my husband, who said he was trying to protect them.

That says it all really. Your husband compartmentalises his life. You are in the "wife box" therefore he does not need to share with you what happens in other areas of his life. He sees nothing wrong with going away with this group because that is a different "box". So whether his friends cheat (and whether he cheats) does not matter because it belongs to that other box and is therefore not relevant to you.

He is bang out of order for even considering going. What the hell is he thinking? I would finish with my partner if he thought that was okay. Your husband needs to grow up and start prioritising you.

This is weird AF.

Your husband is a twat if he can't see why this would make you uncomfortable, or can see it but is going to do it anyway.

How did you find out all this if your DH didn't tell you?

"I don’t know these girls, but the fact 2 of them jumped into bed with two of the lads, ruined a marriage"
Let's not blame the women too quickly.
We don't know if the offending blokes fed them a pack of lies about being separated.

I presume one of the 'family members' is a brother who your DH looks up to for some reason and is always trying to please him.

Are there two of DHs brothers involved, is that the family connection?

But it’s not a “ lads” weekend if “ girls” are invited is it ? More like the same shenanigans and hook ups as the last one

@Sunseasand1 your husband should invite you. It’s weird to be married and want to go on a ‘lads’ holiday wihh a bunch of girls you met on a previous trip. Also, it is possible to have fun with your wife around right???

Also why women in their 20s want to “ hang “ with a bunch of 40 year olds I’ve got no idea . I was 20 once and I can’t remember going on holidays with 40+ males while their wife stayed at home . If it quacks like a duck …

It's wholly disrespectful to you. I would tell him he can go but I won't be here when he returns.

Exactly this I’m afraid!

So your husband was trying to protect the cheaters by covering up for them, which tells a lot about your husbands "values". On top of that he's going with them again and his friends new acquired partners but you (his partner) are not invited? Personally I stir away from the man child laddish culture of this kind but If you're fine with it which you're not as you wouldn't have open a thread then good for you.

It just sounds 'UGH' - 20 year old 'girls going on holiday with 40 year old 'lads'

Genuinely, if my DH, who I trust, said he wanted to go on this type of holiday with friends / family who are known to shag around I would be disappointed.

Disappointed that he would want to spend precious holiday and money with such low lifes - and men who cheat on their wives with women half their age is just gross.

why does he have to go on holiday with them? Couldn't he just meet them at the weekend, have a few drinks and then come home?

This is weird. I’m normally very relaxed about this kind of thing. I’m not jealous by nature and think lads’ holidays and girls’ holidays are perfectly nice and normal.

However the fact nearly all of them are single (newly single = even worse!) and several have slept together already….. this is a shag fest! Why would he even want to go???? I’m not suggesting he’s up to no good but he’s being very naive if he can’t see this for what it is.

So a group of men in their 40s, who have demonstrated a complete lack of respect for the sanctity of marriage, including your DH who has previously withheld information from you to "protect" his friends from the consequences of their actions, are going away with a group of girls in their 20s and wives are not included...seriously OP? I admire your faith in your DH but if you believe this is innocent you are lying to yourself.

The more I read, I'd have to question the morals of the DH's family and, if my DH insisted on going, unfortunately his morals too.
One holiday where all these shenanigans started was the unknown but for there to be a second one, or even your DH wanting to go on it...just a family/friends holiday...really?

I think I'd be questioning as to whether my marriage would be going in exactly the same way as the other now ex wife, difference being it would be my choice.