Husbands friendship group are cheaters

[Sunseasand1]

My husband has come back from a weekend away with friends and family last month, where one of the group ended up having an affair, which resulted in the end of his longstanding marriage, and a second friend cheated. None of this information was offered by my husband, who said he was trying to protect them.
I am certain my husband was faithful.
Problem being they are planning another weekend away with the group of girls they met, one of whom is now the new gf of his family member.
My husband is now the only member of the group with a wife, and doesn’t want to miss the weekend away with his family members, one of whom lives abroad. But surely I’m right to be worried and upset about this.

I wouldn't be OK with this personally and would voice that to my DH but yes his friends/family have some moral issues.
However I wouldnt guilt him Into not going just for my peace of mind he has to choose not to go himself other wise you come across as controlling.
If you trust your DH and trust his judgement then it shouldn't be an issue for him to go if he wants to that is.
I also would not want to go or expect an invite.

That's fine let him go .... but let him know your going too

OP, the tone of your post and replies makes me feel like you really aren't sure if this is okay or not. Where's your self-esteem? How can you trust someone who wants to go on holiday with a load of 20 yr olds he's just met? This is so gross!

So your husband is going for a weekend away with all his mates and the girls they met on holiday but because you are married to him you can't go? Is that right? And one of the guys is actually with one of the girls and left his wife for her? I would assume one of these girls was for him then, and his mind and everyone else's minds.

Yeah it’s just a bizarre concept. As I think someone else pointed out - single sex holidays are acceptable, as are couples holidays… but this is ONE couple and 2 groups of opposite sex ppl together! Why are they allowed to be the only (official) couple?! How does this not ruin the dynamic of 2 groups of single sexes?

What your husband is essentially saying is the dynamic won’t be ruined bc these women are now part of his group - it’s one big group, 1 the wives and partners of his mates and family don’t belong to and aren’t welcome in. They’re clearly saying they don’t want to spend time with you, they want the much younger, fun and more exciting other women to join them on their piss-up holiday. Why would you have a problem with this, you old stick in the mud?😂

Basically OP and the OH’s of these boys ‘men’ are being replaced by younger, single(?) sexier models - and it seems they’re being given free rein to do this!!! 🤷🏼‍♀️

How can they justify getting away with pretending they’re single with a group of younger women they want to GO ON HOLIDAY WITH instead of their wives and partners?!

It sounds like one woman has already been told this is happening whether she likes it or not. Which says it all really.

A clearer picture of self-entitled misogyny I don’t think I’ve come across for a while. 🤢

The only correlation here is that those who mistrust their partners often have good reason. They have picked up from past and present behaviour, sometimes subconsciously, that the person can't be trusted, and, so lo and behold, you don't trust them and they prove you right. There is however no causation at play, if that's what you were suggesting? As a high level of trust in a person has absolutely no impact on whether or not they betray that trust. Other than perhaps the other way, as the very trusting tend to have relaxed boundaries which increase opportunities for betrayal.

A group of 40 yo men are going away with a bunch of 20 yo young women, and you're not invited because you're married?

It’s not couples as such. But I’m the only other wife out of the group and so the only one not invited

Totally unacceptable. Also totally unacceptable that your husband is fine with it. If there are other women there why are you not invited ? You and your DH are married so it’s not as though you’d be cramping his style. Is it ?

It’s bro-code. They all cover for each other, if they are all guilty then no one would break the code. You bros are there for alibi.
sorry

I think if he’s going to be a twat about it, this is the way to go - he either doesn’t get to go, or you’re going too. Then he’s been given a choice and you’re not outright banning him. He will obv be pissed off but he can’t say anything against you going as the new gf will be going, thus ruining the ‘boys’ without their mrs concept anyway, which they’re probably too thick to realise.

You can challenge him by pointing this out and ask directly why he doesn’t want you to go. (which is rather obvious🙄)

But the fact he lied to you and you only found out by chance these other women were even joining the ‘lads’ speaks volumes about his honesty and integrity I’m afraid.

You can't change how a person feels.
Your husband wants to go.
Hopefully he will not want to go some time in the future.

It seems totally unreasonable that you are not invited and totally right that you should expect an invitation.
It's a mixed group; state that you are coming.
Go and you and DH send pics back to the kids etc.

You could be trying to foster some fun social outings with a nicer group of friends nearer to home. DH might feel happy making new friends.

Yes I would absolutely go. Tell him as there's now a couple going, and it's no longer just a lads trip, you're so happy you can now go and you're really looking forward to the holiday. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know. I think if he doesn't want you to go, so you don't, the likelihood of him being unfaithful is very high I'm afraid. A faithful husband would be happy to have his wife there, it's a red flag he hasn't asked you already.

How would your husband feel if you went on a girls holiday, met a group of 20 year old 'lads' and then decided to book another holiday with them?

Would be a no from me.

I'm all for socialising and you can most definitely talk to the opposite sex when your abroad or night out, whatever, but never felt the desire to keep in touch and then plan another trip screams fishy!

Read that back to yourself and ask yourself if it makes sense because it makes no sense at all to me. If I was you I would have this to say “great. Will you book our tickets or should I?”

And I don’t want to put suspicions in your mind but the only person we can be sure will never cheat (or otherwise) is ourselves.

This with bells on.

Your husband wants to go away with his 40 year old friends and their 20 year old girlfriends and doesn't want you to come along. You need to think about what this means.

^ This

None of this sounds right, the age gap, the holiday - the random girls going on holiday but you as the wife aren't invited.

Boundaries....you need boundaries.

Nicely put.

Wtf. Absolutely not. This isn’t so much red flags as a whole 5-mile stream of scarlet bunting, OP. And the fact that your DH cannot see the issue and isn’t taking your wishes and comfort level into account is quite alarming, tbh.

So he wants to go on holiday with a bunch of young women that his laddy mates keep hooking up with? And he doesn’t understand why that bothers you? What a fucking idiot he is

I’d also be concerned that your DH essentially wants to go away on what will, for the others, be a couples’ weekend. He’ll be the only ‘lone’ person, a total gooseberry. Unless he’s not? Going to be alone, that is.

My DH would avoid that like a barge pole but happily tell them that he’ll join them for their next boy’s only trip.

Has OP updated us yet?

A bunch of 40 something men meeting up with a group of 20 something women who they met on their last weekend away, at least 2 of them also had an affair while there? Yeah, that’s going to have to be a no from me.
If it was a mixed sex group for a hobby or something I wouldn’t bat an eye. But while they’re all flirting, do you think your husband is going to be on the outside of the group chatting to them about world events or politics? Or will he be in the thick of it grafting some young woman while his bros keep his cover.
You’re being taken for a mug, op.

OP, my husband went on a stag do abroad years ago with a group of his close male friends. I knew that at least one of them was a womaniser type and had cheated on gfs before. Anyway, my OH is a terrible liar as it shows on his face, so when he came home I asked if certain person in his group behaved and his face told me there had been something. He finally told me, that one guy had brought girls they met up to the apartment they were all sharing and that when OH and the others had gone to bed, the girls had remained with that one guy. I ended up telling the other gfs of this group of boys because we were in a group chat (although I didn't tell the gf of the one who had the girls with him!) And one of the girls told her bf, low and behold me being the total villain of this story. They still don't like me but I felt it wasn't right that they should all come home and have to lie for the dodgy guy in their group! I trust my DH but I think if those particular friends were going away again I wouldn't feel right about it because I'd know it wasn't just friends going on holiday to spend time just together.

I personally would hate what your DH is suggesting. Why aren't you invited if there are girls, family etc going?