Husbands friendship group are cheaters

[Sunseasand1]

My husband has come back from a weekend away with friends and family last month, where one of the group ended up having an affair, which resulted in the end of his longstanding marriage, and a second friend cheated. None of this information was offered by my husband, who said he was trying to protect them.
I am certain my husband was faithful.
Problem being they are planning another weekend away with the group of girls they met, one of whom is now the new gf of his family member.
My husband is now the only member of the group with a wife, and doesn’t want to miss the weekend away with his family members, one of whom lives abroad. But surely I’m right to be worried and upset about this.

Someone will be along in a minute to tell you you are being jealous for no reason and to let him meet up his guy friends and his new gal pals.

It would be a no from me.

There is no way your husband genuinely thinks this is OK and you're being unreasonable. He knows it's all kinds of wrong but he's hoping he can convince you you're unreasonable, as he desperately wants to go away for this (teenage sounding) 'boys and girls' holiday, and he doesn't want you to be there.

If he thinks it's OK and can't see what the problem is then (sorry) he must be thick as shit.

Any reasonable adult would have a problem with their OH going away with a group of the opposite sex, along with their own friends, when the only connection between the two groups is previous cheating on wives. If it's all above board then he'd have no problem with you going (after all there's at least one other partner there).

Any reasonable adult would not want to go away with a group of the opposiet sex who they barely know, other than a couple of their mates had sex with them when they cheated on their wives. A loving, respectful husband wouldn't want to spend a drunken week when everyone's flirting and copping off, leaving their wife at home. I wouldn't dream of doing that to my husband, and he'd hate the idea of going away on what sounds like a 18-30 holiday, leaving me at home.

The fact the men are 40 ish and the women mid twenties just makes it more pathetic and juvenile.

Honestly - if my DH said he was doing this, it would be game over. Because I could no longer trust him or his judgement, and I'd be supremely hurt at his lack of thought or regard or care for me and my feelings.

Couldn’t agree more. Of course he shouldn’t go. Would he be so chilled if op went away with a bunch of random blokes who were shagging her mates?

I would be really upset by this, going away with a group of the opposite sex would be a no from me

I love going away with my mates but wouldn't dream of trying this with the mrs it's a step to far and it's a bit out of order.

My Mrs her best friend is a serial cheat they go out just the 2 of them I have to trust her but never this no chance

Christ, in a lot of matters I'm what MN likes to refer to as a 'cool Wife' but this would be waaay beyond my bar of acceptability.

It gets worse!!! I wouldn’t be happy with this at all. I know you are saying it’s two separate friendship groups, but why can’t you go along as dh’s wife, to make friends with them. Why can’t new people join this select group? Ask your dh if you can come, and see what he says. U can then suss out anything suspect, after spending time with them, and see the dynamic with your dh and his mates and the girls, for yourself. It may be truly innocent on your dh’s part, but I would want to be included in this to see for myself

@Sunseasand1 OP, it's absolutely outrageous that he wants to go without you - this is an issue you'd expect from a man in his 20s, not in his bloody 40s!

He should 100% be inviting you along, why would he not want you there?! I'd definitely be putting my foot down

Are you mad ! No no no and no

You keep explaining who’s going on the holiday and it’s still weird you’re not invited ! Your husband going away with his mates and a bunch of single women?

I’m not going to lie. I couldn’t deal with this. It’s quite disturbing actually, 40+ year olds going on holiday with 20 year olds they met not long ago. I really hope he sees sense.

If he doesn’t, I guess you will have to re-evaluate whether he is the type of man you want to be with anymore. I’ll be honest, I’d lose all respect for him, and I’d be concerned that I was in the dark about what really went on, when all of those ‘friends’ would know the truth.

I understand that this is your life though, so it’s easy for us to say. Sending thoughts your way and hoping for an update that says he’s decided not to go.

I can't imagine my partner even suggesting he went away on a lads weekend with a load of women half their age who they'd met on the previous holiday!

And, if he did, he wouldn't be coming home to me. That's ridiculous!

Wow,

No, just NO. I’m sorry but I think your husband and his friends sound like immature dirty sleazes.

Of course this is not OK!

This is ridiculous. This group of girls seem ruthless and I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them actively tries to seduce your husband just for the fun of it.

Not sure why you’re so sure he won’t cheat, he sounds pretty shitty from the company he is happy to keep.

You should be invited. Not looking good.

OP you need your head examined if you don't put your foot down and tell him no way is he going. His friends/family sound like a bunch of creepy bastards too 🤮 how would he feel if you were going away with a bunch of single friends and some 20 something blokes? He is taking the piss and I wouldn't be so confident that he won't cheat either.

Cheating aside.
Your husband went away on a lads holiday (fine) and met up with a group of women there. They all liked spending time together, your husband included. As a result your husband and the other lads are meeting up with the women they got on so well with and you are not invited. That's really weird behaviour from a married man. Different if you as a couple met up with another couple on holiday. or if they were merging the two social groups. Its weird for him to be like "Im just meeting up with some random women because I got on super well with them, but you are not invited" and for him to expect you to be OK with that.

I am just upset my husband can’t realise him putting himself in this situation, and causing me upset is an issue.

@Sunseasand1, your H is well aware of the inappropriateness, but isn’t going to admit that. There’s a reason he is marginalizing you.

First he lied by omission about the presence of the much younger women and the cheating. Now you are being excluded from the next celebration, even though it will be mixed company, and the men include your husband, in-laws, and close friends. He is disrespecting you and dismissing your feelings.

During the previous weekend, sleazy behavior prevailed, two men cheated (that you know of), and a marriage was nuked. Instead of being so repulsed that he refuses to be a part of that scene, this married 40 year old who colluded to keep the secrets is now pushing to continue partying with the 20 year olds. He can’t wait to jump back in and you are persona non grata.

Honestly, I would tell him that keeping his marriage won’t be an option if he goes on that weekend. Even if he doesn't, I would have already lost respect and trust in his values and boundaries. And his attraction to such juvenile validation would give me the ick.

All of this.

Honestly, I wouldn’t even both giving him the ultimatum not to go because then if he doesn’t go it’s only because he was basically forced not to.

The fact that he WANTS to go and even put you in the position of mentioning it would be enough for me to consider the marriage dead. This isn’t how a loving and respectful married man behaves, not even close.

So it’s up to you if you want to spend the rest of your life being the bad guy because you have to tell the twat you’re married to that he can’t run around like he’s one of the fucking inbetweeners.

@TillyTrifle Exactly well said. The fact he wants to go.. well that says it all. I wouldn't want him not going just because I said so

A decent married man wouldn't even consider this.

A decent man wouldn't even consider this!

Is this thread actually real?! What a bizarre set up if it is genuine.

OP, are you ok?

@TillyTrifle

I can't even see JAY from the invetweeners pulling this crap. He was a massive gaslighting bullshitter...but he actually loved that redheaded girlfriend.

Op this sounds disrespectful. So basically lads going off with other women ? Your husband is married to you , why does he feel the need to go if he won't have a partner and will be like a third wheel ? No invite for you ? I'd be suss of that . Very suss