Fiancé bought a STI kit after stag do

[Soconfused2]

I saw an email over my fiances shoulder from an online pharmacy for an sti kit, a week after he got back from his stag do. I never ever thought I’d be the type of woman who wouldn’t say anything / confront him but we are less than 2 weeks out from our wedding and I don’t know how to approach the subject. One minute I’m convincing myself he purchased it for someone else and the next I’m beside myself not knowing what to do / how I’m supposed to marry him. How should I bring it up?! What do I say?!

Oh lovey, I can imagine how you're feeling but you know he's cheated and I hope you know you're worth more - it will be a lifetime of the same feeling if you stay with him.

I’m so so sorry he’s done this to you, and two weeks before the wedding. Any man who is not excited to marry you and commit and thinks he deserves one last shag is not worth it. Especially seeing as he’s had unprotected sex and is worried you’ll find out if he gives you an STI.

Of course there is so many emotions going through your head, it’s not just the relationship but cancelling a wedding is a huge thing. But please know this is not your shame to hide it’s his, you cancelled the wedding as he cheated on you on his stag night, it’s entirely on him, no one will think anything but love towards you. Please tell a good friend in real life and let them help. Be aware he’ll say it’s for a friend/get them to cover up for him. But you don’t as the stag buy an STI kit for a mate, without telling your partner in case. I’m sorry.

I bet he waited outside the strip club and didn't go in while his mates did, too.

That's so devastating for you OP. I'm sorry. Please find the strength to end this now, before it gets to marriage. It'll be much more difficult to break things off later, and you deserve better than a husband you won't ever trust.
My heart goes out to you, truly. That man isn't worth a moment's tears over him

OP, if you were my daughter, I'd hate to think you went ahead with a wedding in these circumstances because you felt it was too late to back out

Perhaps you could line up two friends / family to help you here. One takes you away to a self catering house for a week so you can rant and cry. The other deals with the phone calls, cancellations, informing guests etc

So sorry you are going through this.

You need to confront him. And get tested yourself.

Be prepared for him to lie and gaslight you.

Don't put it off any longer.

I’m so sorry OP.

Don’t marry him. Whatever you do don’t marry him. Nothing will be more difficult than putting yourself in that position. Nothing.

I’m so sorry. Please tell your parents, bridesmaids, friends and let them help you cancel it all. Just send him a short message saying it’s over because you know he cheated on his stag do and you deserve better than him. In a year or two I bet you will meet the man that actually deserves you and you will look back and thank this idiot for cheating and saving you from misery. I only wish my ex had been so stupid.

OP please protect yourself and get tested asap, think about yourself first here.

Take a photo of it to keep for evidence

Cancel the wedding. This guy with ruin your life if you stay with him. Your wedding should be a happy day. Can you imagine just how awful it would be with this hanging over it? A horrendous situation but you’re better off finding out now than later. So sorry, OP.

Actually, this is not what would completely change your life. Marrying him is what will. Honestly, divorces are far more costly than weddings both in emotional and financial damage. A cancel or delayed wedding is much much cheaper than what can come from marrying a man you cannot trust.

You need to have that conversation now, don’t wait until the very last minute, much less so if he has been having sex with you since he came back from the stag do and before he ordered the test. If he has, fuck the social conventions and cancel the wedding, he is not just a cheater, he genuinely is unable to put you or your wellbeing first.

OP - you won’t forget it. Even if you marry him, it will always play on your mind. If he cheats before he’s about to get married and should be very much in love/in the honeymoon phase, then he will absolutely cheat later.

You deserve better!

Only you know what you want to do, dig deep down and find your answer. Can you just ignore this and have it in the back of your mind, always looming over you? Any time he's out you will be thinking he's up to all kinds and that's no life to live at all.
Once a cheat always a cheat especially if they think they have gotten away with it. If he respected you he would of come clean when he ordered that sti kit.

Hope you do what's best for you. Marriage is just a title, don't let that pressure you to stay with him. Who cares if you cancel the wedding, its one day to everyone else but to you it's forever. Leave him at the alter, run away bride style.

This. As expensive and awful as you feel it will be to cancel, it will be a drop in the ocean compated to the sheer bloody awfulness of walking down the aisle towards him knowing what you know with everyone watching your face. It will also probably be cheaper than the divorce you'll inevitably need.

Don't give him the opportunity to twist this, you know what you know, don't let him tell you didn't see what you saw, or make up some nonsense and put on the pressure to talk you round. You'll lose some money, let it go and buy your freedom from this pathetic fool, he's no partner.

Get some support in real life and deal with it head on and get it behind you. Any man that takes his stag do as an opportunity to have unprotected sex will make for a pretty shitty life.

Once a cheater always a cheater.

I hate stag dos. Just an excuse to shag around.

How is this going to look any better tomorrow? Surely you need to confront him NOW, not tomorrow or the weekend. Think of yourself - letting things lie will not make the situation any better, in fact it will make it considerably worse - you will just keep on replaying it over and over in your mind and it will completely mess with your head. Obviously it's a terrible thing to have happened and you will need time to get over it, but there's nothing at all to be gained from not confronting him now.

edited to say: and obviously the advice is definitely do not marry him!

Just say it. ‘I saw you buy that kit online’.

If you don’t now, you will regret it forever.

Then tell all your guests that the wedding isn’t happening and it’s sadly because your fiancé had sex with someone else. This is his shame to bear.

It’s horrible and scary and feels unsurvivable but you will get through it and thank your lucky stars he showed you who he is before you married him and had his children and remained tied to a scumbag forever.

Good luck.

I'm so so sorry you are going through this. How terrible and sickening for you. I hope you feel that is a safe space on here to tell us how you are feeling whatever decision you make x

if You don’t want to say anything just post the picture of the kit on your sm tagging him in it. Asking if he enjoyed his stag do a bit too much. Tag in all his family. Done.

I do not know why your asking how to bring it up your fiance obviously had unprotected sex with someone else. He is getting the test not because he is worried about you but because he knows if he did catch anything he would be caught out by you. Get rid of him you are supposed to have one of the happiest days of your life in two weeks with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Don't fall for his lies if he says its for a friend that's in a relationship and get an sti test yourself.

Backing out of a wedding is such a hard and brave thing to do. The cost, the arrangements of others, not to mention your dreams and time spent on it. However, backing out of a marriage is 100 times harder and costlier down the line. I've seen friends go through it and it's so messy. You would forever be connected to this man.

Whatever you decide to do, don't go through with the wedding because it seems easier. It is so unfair that this has been thrown at you only two weeks before the big day. No time to think straight. The person you spend the rest of your life with should never put you in this position.

This OP.
So sorry this has happend to you but as a potential guest at a couple of these weddings I felt only relief that she discovered the cheating " before she got legally tied to him!

The money lost in cancelling is nothing compared to the cost of divorce, the potential heartbreak if this is found out years later, with more children etc.

You're a brave woman and I hope you have RL support.

I’m so sorry OP.
Agree with PP - please tell close family and a couple of close friends. They can help you cancel everything and support you.

He will gaslight you about the email (don’t know where they got my address, a friend did it as a joke, etc). So I would not mention it. Instead I would simply say ‘I heard you cheated at the stag, so the wedding is off and the relationship is over’ and watch his face carefully. He’ll think one of the stags have blabbed and it’s got back to you. He’ll try to derail you by insisting you tell him how you know. Ignore that and just stick to ‘I know. Stop deflecting. Tell me the truth or this conversation ends now’. Hard to gaslight if you stick to few cold words. You might get the truth which will be better than waiting to hear the truth from rumours. But who cares if he hasn’t the guts to be truthful now. It’s too late.

You will 100% be ok OP. This is not the man for you. That man is out there somewhere for you to find.

💐