Is my husband gay?

[SaffySinging]

We've never had a good sex life, probably due to DH's ed issues, and now I find myself in the situation that we haven't had sex for 3 years. When I've tried to talk to him about it, he told me that his sexual interest has dwindled and that's what happened in his first marriage too.

DH came home from work one evening and seemed to be unusually chirpy and quite flushed. I was going out that evening so didn't really have time to chat, but he seemed different somehow. It played on my mind. When I got home he was asleep with his phone next to him.

I'm not proud of myself but I looked at his phone. I was horrified to see that he had joined a gay dating site. Actually he'd joined more than one.

We had a horrible conversation, and he told me that he had only joined the sites as he was feeling very stressed at work, and that he had done it once before during his previous marriage. He said that he'd met a guy many years ago (before he met me) but he refused to go into detail as to whether they had sex or not.

He's apologised and has since started counselling. After each session I've asked if he's wanted to share what they've spoken about, and so far it hasn't been about his relationship with men. He's assured me that he isn't gay, but that he may be bisexual and then he changes his mind and says that he's straight.

I am so confused. I don't know what to do or think, it's just so bewildering. He's lost his job recently, so I feel that I can't really add to his stress by talking about our relationship, but I feel so lost at the moment.

Yes I saw that too. I cried about it yesterday. Today I’m laughing 😂

I've reported this post for homophobia. Funny how 'cocksucker' is only ever used as an insult for gay men, when presumably straight women do it too.

And another one to resort to homophobia. Why? It's just so unnecessary.

That's progress! 😂

I'm so sorry you have gone through this OP. In your position, I'd be giving him a week's notice to move out- that's more than he deserves from you.

Focus on yourself and your daughter. I really hope your cancer prognosis is good, as well.

Chuckled at that too. Lol.

So you are another woman he's done this to. Its not your responsibility to tell him but I'd tell him he needs to stop doing this from now on, go be himself (gay) without using a woman as a beard.

Well regardless of weather he is gay or not he hasn't had sex with you for 3 years so that's a bit of a clue. He seems to want sex with a man if he joined a gay site. Why are you in this relationship ?

Whoever reported my post for homophobia is laughably woke. I have a gay child, I am bisexual myself, pretty much as far from phobic as can be! A cock sucker is a term for someone, anyone, sucking a cock (instead of loving their wife, in this case). Report me again, ok, massive misinterpretation. I stand by my previous post.

That's was me, and it's really not laughably woke to object to a gay man being referred to as a cocksucker. Are MNHQ also laughably woke for deleting it?

Again, I will make the point that no one ever refers to a straight woman as a cocksucker.

I quite like the word and don't think it necessarily needs to be a homophobia slur. It's just a general slur. Despicable Person, fellatio.

He cheated on his ex wife with a man and now he's trying to do the same to you. Regardless of if he's gay or not, he's a cheat. I think you're being too accepting of all this, hes not even willing to sit and give you the details or information you've asked for. I couldn't live like this op but I guess it's a decision you have to make.

Are MNHQ also laughably woke for deleting it?

You appear to be unaware of what went on on e.g. the gender topic and previous MN members - who argued about safe guarding and have since been vindicated in that - being banned from or leaving this site.

Sorry I tried to quote the poster who was reported for using the word cock sucker but have accidentally quoted this poster instead and can't change it.

I've been given a warning email from MNHQ due to posters reporting me because I referred to him having had anal sex.

In the US they refer to them as chicken heads or chickens ...... Which refers to the head movement during fellatio.

This is a common enough term to be mentioned in eg a Kelly Rowland song.

So they most definitely do.

You don’t join a gay dating site because you are stressed out at work. You haven’t had sex for 3 years and he’s on dating sites so it’s not looking good.
definitely leave him I think you already know he’s gay

If you read the ops posts, you will see that she has asked him to leave, but is accommodating him until he finds a new job.... Which could take a long time, esp if he takes advantage.

And this man is certainly the type to do that. Two beards and counting.

ah glad to hear you plan to move him out. stop feeling guilty. he is the liar. are you comfotable shaing his country of origin? im guessing they may come from a country where its illegal to be gay??

Surely if he was bisexual he'd still be having sex with you not completely abstinent for three years with ed issues and I'd of thought he'd of joined dating sites to seek out women as well as men if he was bisexual and looking to cheat.

Good point.

I haven’t read every message on here but that’s good news although I wouldn’t be waiting until he has a job.
get rid today

What on earth has calling a gay man a cocksucker got to do with safeguarding?

I didn't report you for referring to him having had anal sex (which is an assumption in itself- many gay men don't have anal sex); I reported you for:

1. Saying something along the lines of "Most women would have kicked him out on the arse he just got fucked in." Which is both disgustingly vulgar and a presumption about the sexual proclivities of the OP's husband.
2. Suggesting the OP's husband become a rent boy. Have you ever suggested any of the many heterosexual men and women who cheat on their partners become sex workers? I'm going to guess not.

I said that no one calls straight women cocksuckers. You have responded by telling me that, in America, women are called chickens or chicken heads. This is a different word. I really don't see what you are trying to achieve here.

man or woman he has cheated on you.

If you like the word, feel free to refer to yourself as a cocksucker.

I do not like the word, and I can't imagine many gay men do, either.

Not all all. He’s Australian do a long way from home for him

Most women would have kicked him out on the arse he just got fucked in

I didn't write that.