Does anyone else feel like they just don’t fit in anywhere?

[Simplefoke]

I don’t know what it is, whether there is something wrong with me. I’ve just always been so bloody awkward around people.

I am a little different I suppose, but not in a bad way, bit of a free spirit. I was the black sheep in my family but not in a major way. I’ve a few friends, they are all a little strange lol. They are people who don’t follow conventions and are more open in how they talk. I don’t do well with people who pretend because I can’t seem to do that myself.

I don’t seem to fit in with my partners family. I’m pleasant but I think they think I’m a bit weird. I don’t think I’m that weird. I find it hard to just put on a smile and get on and pretend.

Anyone else like this?

and here you go again OP

i don’t struggle socially and i don’t find jokes about gay people funny fgs

I don't think your I'm fine so why arnt you attitude is a help to their self-esteem do you?. They've found the strength to reach out here, this judgement will make them run a mile.... empathy is important in life

but can’t you see

it’s the people that the OP is struggling with who are vile and socially incompetent

I’m bad at the social etiquette (ESPECIALLY at things like funerals) and used to think about it a lot but I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I have to just not overthink it. Eg at the school gates, the weather talk is literally just people try to find a way into a conversation they’ll enjoy. If it ends abruptly it’s just that we all went in the wrong direction, not necessarily me. And sometimes you find your people, as you’ve found, and you all get into a decent conversation!! Also it helps to realise other people are actually as nervous as you and nobody has it all sewn up.

I think you are probably ND yourself which is why you get on with your DH. The noise sensitivity and difficulties you have with small talk are all a clue to that, as is your own masking, then being exhausted, the being outside of the clique in life and all your close friends being perhaps 'quirky', or a bit weird? Weird can just be another way of describing ND.
Tuning out of conversation when there is no personal interest to you, I'm thinking ADHD, it makes it hard to follow people and the mind can drift off. What you might find is that if you force yourself to listen to things that are said, you might not know the person they are talking about, but you might know of someone in your life who has been in similar circumstances. That's your 'in' with the smalltalk, so try not to tune out because you don't know the people, you still could have experiences to share.
For some, small talk comes naturally, for others it's learnt and applied in order to get along in life. Can be tiring though, no harm in taking rest breaks from it.

@lentilloved I get confused. In my marriage he always used to say “you think you’re so much better than everyone else don’t you”. He was definitely abusive and he is my ex, but those words still stay. I also just want to fit in, I’m so fed up always being the black sheep. But then I can’t fit with this family because I just don’t relate. I’ve grown up my whole like not fitting and it’s draining.

do you have children op? do you work and have colleagues?

@Opentooffers i just get bored of the conversation. I’m not really interested in who died who I’ve never met and who bought what house and this and that. I do get distracted. My partner always tells me that. I go and make a drink but before that I need to fold this and make that and clean that and then get around to the drink by which time I’ve forgotten lol

In a way you are asking too much. You need to attempt to fit in - nobody necessarily fits in anywhere but instead they make the effort to

I mean I know people like your partners family - it’s up to them how they act and what they say in the comfort of their own home. It seems as though you don’t like them rather than you not fitting in.

Perspective is everything

What are you interests?

Your*

@lentilloved yeah two children and work part time. I find work conversation hard as it’s mostly small talk. I have a customer facing job which I really don’t like for that reason. My eldest is a girl and she is very distracted at school. It wouldn’t surprise me is she is ND. When I was married to my ex I used to be so together and organised. I think it was a survival skill to get through life with his temper. Now I’m out of that I really am all over the place, distracted, terrible memory. I think this is the real me.

how do you get on with colleagues?

Op
you have school aged children
work part time
in a long term relationship
and have a small group of friends that you feel comfortable with

i really wouldn’t navel gaze about this anymore. You sound pretty sorted and busy to me!

Added to which, not a chance i’d want my children to ever be in the vicinity of your partners family by the sounds of it. They sound vile

Hi OP I felt it important to reach out to you personally. I've gleaned a couple of things from your posts and I want to help. Firstly I noticed you said any family would be a bonus. This suggests you have family issues or a troubled family life?

Secondly and most importantly I want you to know your not weird. Your words echo my sons words and I mean they are exact. He was bullied mercilessly in school and the affect its had on him breaks my heart daily.

He says he could be in a room full of people who love him and still feel alone. He describes himself as weird and says when he does try to get involved in a group discussion he is made to feel stupid or at least that's his take on it.

He has social anxiety hates group situations and I do wonder if he has asd aswell. I'm currently trying to help him with some small successes at the moment.

Your far from alone there are so so many people in the world saying exactly the same words as you, feel exactly the same as you but there is help. Just know you are not to blame, your not weird and are most likely an amazing kind and interesting person with alot of talent. I don't know if you are in the uk but access NHS talking therapy if you are. You can self reffer, I'm not saying it will work but it's worth a try, you can also approach your gp for some anxiety medication if you want to try that but I know that it doesn't work for everyone.

@Quitelikeit there are aspects that I do like about them and then others that I don’t. As a whole I’m not sure which way I sway. I would really love to love them more but they behave in a way that makes me feel bad about myself. I’ve lots of different interests. None of which we have in common. I’m very emotionally driven in things I do. His family are practically driven, we can’t understand each other.

They make lots of sexual jokes and jokes about women and housework and I hate all that. Jokes about gay people jokes about this and about that, I hate it. Jokes about people’s metal health.

why on earth are you bothered about not being close to people like this?

@Mummy2024 I’m not anxious at all. Apart from with people who make me feel bad. I don’t like a lot of stuff but I’m able to realise I need to do it without being anxious.

It's good if you don't feel anxious but social anxiety is more about group situations and being judged so instead shrinking back and becoming invisible rather than physical anxiety. Could be asd, but given some of the things you've said calling yourself weird saying people look at you like your weird etc it suggests a self esteem problem to me

I would at least look into social anxiety or visit your gp for an asd refferal and also try really hard to see that your not weird you great and if people don't see that then that is a them problem, not a you problem

@Mummy2024 I don’t hate that I’m a little weird or different. I don’t want to be like everyone else. I don’t see why I have to mask so hard to appear like everyone else. People are extremely judgmental I find. It’s easier to fit in and be accepted than be alone. I’d prefer to be me and feel accepted. I just can’t seem to find that in a family situation. I hate being the outsider in a family setting. I don’t care too much about friends. I understand I pick and choose my friends based on how we connect.

I said it further up this thread, OP, and having read your further comments I'm almost convinced you're just an introvert who has yet to find her own tribe (as in social connections, not by binning your husband - even if they all think you've got two heads.)

Hmm, I get mixed messages from your posts. You say you want to be accepted for you? But how do you know that you are not? It seems that you are sensitive to criticism maybe? Which again is a self esteem issue. I understand that you seem to have accepted who you are but I still feel you have a possibly unjustified sense that others don't accept you? I mean if you can't join in on conversations that bore you raise your own topic if your confidence will allow?

?

Are you autistic? I think people are pretending too because they are. "How are you?" You'd think they want an answer but they don't, it's a greeting.
Small talk about the weather and other such bollocks, who cares? Nobody talks about anything real, they talk about superficial crap and bitch about each other.
Who wants to fit in with that?

@Mummy2024 I mask and force myself to join in most of the time because if I didn’t I’d sit in an awkward silence. I can’t really explain myself. I think perhaps in this care of the family we are just too different. Perhaps they accept that and don’t really like me, I can’t do anything about that. I wish I could stop masking though and be confident in just being me. That person would definitely not conform and I would be on the outside all the time.

NT people do that too. Is your partner nothing like his family then, as presumably you fit in with him?