Partner tried to ruin my trip - part 2

[Random100]

Just creating a new thread as the old one has filled up quickly!

Well done OP, stay strong and keep a record of anything he does in an attempt to make contact with you or through mutual friend.

Good to see you are free from this abusive twat.

Onwards and upwards!

I hope you are free of him now OP. Keep all previous communications as evidence.

He’ll be on back Tinder in no time looking for the next target and he’ll tell her what a crazy bitch his ex was. And so the cycle will begin again with the next one and the next one and the next one. They leave a trail of destruction and traumatised women behind them. You can now get your life back on track and put this creature behind you. Don’t waste another minute giving it space in your head. Get therapy, do the freedom program, read, then go out and find the man you deserve. Good luck!

Great advice ☝️

And. .. stay off Tinder. Meet someone in the course of real life, get to know him first without plunging into relationship status. No guarantee, of course not. But the odds are better.

Hi OP, just checking in with you following your return to your flat. Hope all is peaceful for you and you are safe with no further incidents. Stay aware when you go out.

Bloody hell, he sounds absolutely unhinged! Well done for getting away from him.

The holiday was good timing. It would have been much harder to extricate yourself whilst you were still enmeshed with him.

Hello!

So I have my belongings. No air tags or funny stuff found and I have washed everything. I am glad to have them back.

I’ve not heard anything from him. Mutual friend told me that they’ve fallen out over the situation, and that ex boyfriend was trying to use mutual friend as a source of information.

No trouble at the flat thankfully, he’s not been around and we’ve had a ring camera doorbell installed over the weekend. We wanted one anyway and this gives us a good excuse as any.

I am feeling the emotional effects of this though. It’s really difficult to process the end of the relationship and whilst I am very glad I am not part of his life, the dramatic ending of it all has affected me.

Sending gentle hugs, OP. You are doing so well.

Well done OP

As Oprah would say - this is your 'ah-ha moment'

TBH I am glad you are taking time to process and learn from your last relationship. It hopefully means you will learn to avoid such dickheads again or break up with them ASAP when they start to exhibit troubling behaviours.

Go forth and have a wonderful life, free from dickhead men!

I am also annoyed at how much money I spent in the relationship because he wouldn’t cough up anything. It’s made me really realise how much I was used.

I definitely know in the last few weeks of the relationship he would want me to stay at his so much because I helped pay for things such as food shopping, general expenses etc.

Yuck @Random100 he is just a horrid man. I'm glad this happened now so you got the wake up call and dumped him before he got much much worse. He sounds a bit of a pointless individual all round doesn't he?

Thanks for the update, I've been thinking about you. I'm so glad to hear you're okay. Take things easy for a while, you've been through a tough time.

I went through this feeling with my ex - angry at myself for tolerating so much and wondering how I'd ever put myself in that position to be used that way.

It sometimes pops into my head even now, and I am happily married to a wonderful man.

What helped for me was to reframe the narrative in my head - I let it go on too long and was reluctant to let go, but in the end I am very proud of myself for extracting myself from an extremely toxic situation and I see it as an achievement now. In doing this, you're paving the way to future happiness, whether that be with someone else or just taking care of you.

You're doing amazing!

Couldn’t agree more

I was in an abusive relationship and felt the same after. Was so angry at myself for letting someone treat me that way. And angry that I let him get away with 6 years of this shit.

But the same as you, I tried to look at it from a positive perspective. I learnt harsh lessons from it and was strong enough to get myself out in the end. He did try to weedle his way back in but I’d gotten wise to his crap by that point and told him point blank to fuck off.

@Random100 You are doing so so well. It’s only natural that you have a myriad of emotions at the moment. But trust me, they will start to even out and you’ll start to feel nothing but relief and like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. And the sadness that’s still there from having to end a relationship will pass 💐💐

I agree with the others above. Take a little time to reflect and grieve on the loss of what you hoped the relationship would be like (different to how it was in reality!). It’s normal to feel a little annoyed with yourself for putting up with it while it lasted. Take a little time to process all the emotions but then draw a line under it and start afresh.

Choose to go forwards being thankful that you learnt valuable lessons from this relationship on how you deserve to be treated in the future. Choose to feel so proud of yourself that you got out relatively quickly and have held firm against going back to him. Choose to feel amazing that going forwards you know red flags to look out for and will only pick relationships that are positive for you in the future. X

@Vivaea is right. I'd also flip the pronouns in what you say to yourself.

It’s made me really realise how much I was used. turns into, "he was a user and I dumped him".

OP, we all have had shit boyfriends and upon reflection wondered why we stayed so long. I think it says good things about your character: you have hope, you're trusting, you treat people well and assume they will treat you in kind. Sadly, it's experiences with the losers that show us to be more wary. You'll do fine...just take it one day at a time now, but soon, you'll be emotionally free of him too.

Great post

So pleased you have your stuff back and are now free of him. Well done for finding the courage to say 'no more'. You deserve to be treated so much better. Be kind to yourself. It will take some time to process what has happened

Great news OP. Stay strong and free!

Thank you for all your reassurance, brought tears to my eyes. I am very glad it’s over and I know I’ll be glad I ended it before it got serious. It’s definitely a lesson learned

That's good to know, @Random100. It might be beneficial for you to work on recognising the patterns abusers typically follow. Once you're familiar with these you'll be able to spot them a mile off, and it will be a great deal harder for any other would-be abuser to take you in in the future.

Just think - this was the last trip away your truly awful ex is ever going to ruin. That alone makes it worth it.

Onwards and upwards now.

I wish you all the best OP - well done!

My God, once again I wish that Mumsnet had been around years ago when I fell into relationship after relationship with abusive men.