Partner tried to ruin my trip - part 2

[Random100]

Just creating a new thread as the old one has filled up quickly!

@SloaneStreetVandal and no, it is not empowering. I won't outline my experience here but when people go down this route if I obliquely mention aspects of my past I just think 'oh they're one of THOSE people, they don't get it' and button up immediately.

You're taking my thoughts too personally @Borgonzola, the thread isn't about you.

I have never been in an abusive relationship and I found your post smug and tone deaf.

HTH.

When you start a post with:

“I find it perplexing that anyone would give such a categorical loser (as this guy) so much as a second thought after that first demonstration of unpleasant behaviour”

Then, that is not only referring to the OP but anyone else who has been in a similar situation.

Your wording was broad and therefore others who have been in similar situations are naturally going be upset by it.

As a PP said, your post came across as tone deaf and smug.

HTH

ICGAF

Then maybe you should leave this thread.

It’s clearly not something you understand nor can help with.

Congratulations on derailing OPs thread. I’m sure she came here for some calming, sensible advice, not to listen to a bunch of randoms creating their own strife and no doubt adding to her already considerable stress. 👏

The OP appears to be handling the fallout from her situation well. She's had screeds of advice.

Hope you are doing ok OP? I was with a guy like this all through my teens. I dumped him after 6 years. I can't even I imagine what it would have been like if I'd stayed with him.

It's difficult for anyone to comment unless they have been through similar, you think you know how you will react, but once you have been "sucked in" its so difficult to be rational about a relationship.The OP has done very well, hopefully he will disappear into the ether, but he does sound like someone who will not give up easily.

This⬆️. If you two want to argue, go create a thread of your own and stop derailing this one.

Halleluia! Just stop it now please.

This is so very true.

Many of us don’t think we’ll get sucked into abusive relationships, but they happen so easily. Same as in the OP’s case, the abuser starts off all nice. And by the time they show their true colours, you’ve already developed feelings and it’s much harder to get out. And you end up putting up with things you never thought you would.

OP has done so well to extract herself from the situation and get support. It’s not easy and there’s a whole tidle wave of emotions that come with it.

Hopefully he will start to back off and leave her be. But at least she’s taking the right steps to keep him at bay.

That is really good advice! Also check for air tags, as pp said.

washing clothes / all fabric items on a hot cycle (at least 60 C for 30+ minutes) and/or freezing them might be a good idea as well…

If you've issue report posts and let admin decide what is appropriate (self appointed 'thread police' spamming isn't, FTR).

All I'll add before departing this chat is that, if you find yourself repeatedly staying in toxic relationships (staying, not commencing), then it actually IS vital to question 'why' - you won't find solutions without reasons. Emotions do compel decisions, but there comes a point where logic is also necessary.
There's a really good thread linked in the (i) box in this forum called 'Listen up, everybody' that the OP might find helpful to read.

Good morning, OP, how are you today?

Wondering if you're back at work yet, and how supportive they're being.

It's so important that managers and HR understands the impact of being in or escaping a coercive controlling relationship can have on their colleagues, and hopefully they have systems in place to help and support you.

Afternoon! Yes I am back at work and going back to my place tonight. Happy to say I’ve not had any communication from him at all and I checked with flatmate who has said he hasn’t turned up there either.

I am taking it day by day but it’s been really good to be able to share my thoughts on here.

Very glad to hear you have had a good day. If you are returning to your flat tonight, be extra vigilant with locking doors and windows etc, and also where you park your car (if applicable). Be alert to any attempts by him to 'love bomb' you or try to contact you in any way (including through other people). Will your flatmate be with you this evening? Make sure he/she is alert to this too. You are doing really well👍🏻

Take care OP.

That’s good to hear that he hasn’t been lurking around there so far!

With any luck he’ll be evicted soon and move somewhere even further away.

Fingers crossed he just buggars off into the wilderness, never to be seen or heard from again!

You've done really well Op with covering all the ways he can get too you, hopefully he'll just leave you alone now

Well done OP for starting to read the book and for leaving your ex-boyfriend.

I can tell you from my own experience, under no circumstances have any kind of contact with him. No matter what he'll ever write to you, don't answer and if he'll show up, don't talk with him and run away. Even if you really want to answer and tell him or explain anything to him, don't do it.

That's how the trap works, at first you think ok, I'll answer and tell him one more time not to contact me anymore. By doing it, he'll carry on contacting you. Somehow, you are drugged again in a conversation with him, even if you intended from the start only to tell him one more time not to contact you. After, you may be dragged on to have a last time meeting and separate amicably. After you are back again with him and you can't even explain to yourself how it happened and why you are again in the same situation with him.

This is one the reasons why it's so hard to separate from them for good and a lot of women go back to them. It's like a continuing loop and the only way to break it, is by not having any kind of contact until he gives up on contacting you. If he continues harassing you, contact the police. Maybe a call from police will wake him up and he'll stop doing it and move on.

Hopefully, he won't contact you anymore and you can move on with your life.

If you can, do your search before you get to where you're ultimately staying

Take care OP. He may not have been to the flat for your flatmate to say anything but it doesn't mean he hasn't been watching it. Be extra vigilant in case he's lurking, check everything he's had access to for tags etc, maybe look at video doorbell or some extra security measure in case he sees your back and turns up with a key. Even a chain or something that will make a lot of noise in front of your door if someone tries to enter.

I am so pleased you’re feeling more positive and have gone home. Idk if you read the last few posts on your first thread. There is just one I wanted to highlight and that is a comment advising you not to presume he doesn’t have keys to your home. I hope he will now leave you alone. Please stay safe.