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Original poster

I’ve never met his friends! am I being paranoid?

129 replies

Nic12312344 · 06/05/2024 18:40

So I’ve been on and off with my boyfriend for 4 years although I have known him for 12 years ( we have a daughter together). I have never met his friends ever, he does have trust issues etc from childhood so I kind of give him empathy with that and understand why he can be the way he is. A long story short, he has Instagram but doesn’t follow me and it’s a private profile. I found he was following a girl and liking her pictures, so I asked him about this, he instantly got defensive and told me I was a stalker which isn’t true. He admitted the girl was one of his friends girlfriends friends and she goes to party’s and stuff when he’s there. Bear in mind his friends all have girlfriends so they all go out as couples but I’m never invited. I’m not sure they even know about me. I know what’s his like, his very private with his life but there are reasons for this. But I find it confusing how he can like this girls pictures who is around in social events and also follow her when I’m not even able to follow him. He said it means nothing to him liking her pics etc but to me you’re giving her the green light by liking her pictures. What would you do in my situation?

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 06/05/2024 18:43

I don't think he thinks he's in a relationship with you.

I'd have ended this nonsense a long time ago.

samestyle · 06/05/2024 18:57

Sorry but sounds like he doesn't want an official relationship with you, hiding you behind the scenes so he can have his cake and eat it with other women. I would end it
Very odd situation though as you'd think he's at least want his friends to meet your daughter. He's not being very respectful liking and following other women and not you, he's hiding things you wouldn't like.

Tripeandonions · 06/05/2024 18:58

GreyCarpet · 06/05/2024 18:43

I don't think he thinks he's in a relationship with you.

I'd have ended this nonsense a long time ago.

This x100.

I agree you need to stop this nonsense now.

MermaidEyes · 06/05/2024 19:00

What?! Any normal person would have introduced you to their friends years ago. Sounds like he has something to hide if you ask me.

MermaidEyes · 06/05/2024 19:02

I also think you're slightly focusing on the wrong thing, the girl and social media, rather than the fact your boyfriend sounds like he's living some kind of double life.

AgreeableDragon · 06/05/2024 19:11

My best guess is he's married! You're the other woman.

Whatabother · 06/05/2024 19:12

Have you actually ASKED him why he wants to hide you from his friends? You say you have empathy for his feelings but what about him understanding how this must make you feel?
I fail to see how childhood trust issues make someone hide a relationship in this way.
And what about your daughter? Do his friends KNOW he has a daughter? If not that is appalling.
I really can't understand how you can be in any sort of relationship with someone who is acting as though he is ashamed of you.

MissAmbrosia · 06/05/2024 19:14

Why do you accept not being invited? Do you know his family? It all sounds very odd.

MMmomDD · 06/05/2024 19:15

I don’t think your issue is him liking some girl’s Insta.
The issue is that you THINK you are in a relationship with him. You are not.

Block him and file for CMS. And don’t settle for someone who uses ‘childhood issues’ to manipulate you into believing alternative reality.

VelvetTurtle · 06/05/2024 19:15

How odd

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 06/05/2024 19:32

Are you from very different backgrounds?

Whatever the reason behind his behaviour, he's making it very clear that you are not in a relationship with him.

There's the little bit of his time and attention that he gives to you and his child - and then there's his actual life, of which you are not a part.

Cut your losses and walk away with your self respect. Claim cms.

Original poster
Nic12312344 · 06/05/2024 19:41

Whatabother · 06/05/2024 19:12

Have you actually ASKED him why he wants to hide you from his friends? You say you have empathy for his feelings but what about him understanding how this must make you feel?
I fail to see how childhood trust issues make someone hide a relationship in this way.
And what about your daughter? Do his friends KNOW he has a daughter? If not that is appalling.
I really can't understand how you can be in any sort of relationship with someone who is acting as though he is ashamed of you.

Edited

There’s been reasons such as: their his friends not mine and just because everyone else thinks it’s normal to take their girlfriends to couples events that it doesn’t mean it’s normal for him. He knows how it makes me feel but just says I’m being silly and it’s nothing to do with me it’s just how he is. Yes they know about my daughter, she’s goes to most of the events/holidays with him and his friends. I do feel like his ashamed of me :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Nic12312344 · 06/05/2024 19:42

MissAmbrosia · 06/05/2024 19:14

Why do you accept not being invited? Do you know his family? It all sounds very odd.

Yes I get on well with his family I always have but even that’s a bit of a weird dynamic. They’re all quite private people and don’t always get along. I accept it because it’s become normal now I guess

OP posts:
Original poster
Nic12312344 · 06/05/2024 19:43

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 06/05/2024 19:32

Are you from very different backgrounds?

Whatever the reason behind his behaviour, he's making it very clear that you are not in a relationship with him.

There's the little bit of his time and attention that he gives to you and his child - and then there's his actual life, of which you are not a part.

Cut your losses and walk away with your self respect. Claim cms.

we are yes, I grew up in a loving family home where as he brought himself up as his mum left when he was young.

I do feel you’re right

OP posts:
jannier · 06/05/2024 19:44

12 years and a child nobody else knows about...and maybe another partner they do know....he doesn't have trust issues he's got you on the side.

Tiredgrumpyhormones · 06/05/2024 19:45

My ex did this. His reason was he wanted something for himself. I felt hidden and left out. Turns out they were not friends, but just people he met in the pub.

he had no true friends. So no one to introduce me too. he lost his friends when he broke up with his last ex.

Hecalso commented and liked other girls profiles, saying it was banter. He operated very oddly. I am much calmer without him.

Garlicked · 06/05/2024 19:51

After a rather short marriage, I learned XH2 didn't tell people he was in a relationship, let alone married. It was nowhere near as bad as your situation - you've been together longer, you have a child, and the ex and I did have many mutual friends with a joint social life.

Mine was, at best, keeping his options open. I've good reason to think he was exercising those options. You can imagine how I felt when people kept telling me they didn't know he was with anyone! You've put up with this for too long already - get yourself properly single. Semi-detached will do your head in.

Original poster
Nic12312344 · 06/05/2024 19:57

Garlicked · 06/05/2024 19:51

After a rather short marriage, I learned XH2 didn't tell people he was in a relationship, let alone married. It was nowhere near as bad as your situation - you've been together longer, you have a child, and the ex and I did have many mutual friends with a joint social life.

Mine was, at best, keeping his options open. I've good reason to think he was exercising those options. You can imagine how I felt when people kept telling me they didn't know he was with anyone! You've put up with this for too long already - get yourself properly single. Semi-detached will do your head in.

Oh wow I’m so sorry you went through that! That’s awful! I hope you’re doing ok now

OP posts:
Olika · 06/05/2024 20:02

Would you be ready to break up with him for this?

Original poster
Nic12312344 · 06/05/2024 20:05

Olika · 06/05/2024 20:02

Would you be ready to break up with him for this?

Honestly, I don’t want to but I’m starting to question where I draw the line

OP posts:
Garlicnaan · 06/05/2024 20:11

You deserve more.

You're good enough presumably to clean, cook and raise his child, but not good enough to meet his mates? He sounds awful. He's using you.

Olika · 06/05/2024 20:11

Personally I find it very unsettling that he is hiding you. It's like he has a baby mama but you see him as a boyfriend. It makes me question what does he do behind your back.

Original poster
Nic12312344 · 06/05/2024 20:18

Olika · 06/05/2024 20:11

Personally I find it very unsettling that he is hiding you. It's like he has a baby mama but you see him as a boyfriend. It makes me question what does he do behind your back.

I’ve never looked at it like that but that does make sense. I try not to think about it to be honest otherwise I’ll overthink :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Nic12312344 · 06/05/2024 20:20

Garlicnaan · 06/05/2024 20:11

You deserve more.

You're good enough presumably to clean, cook and raise his child, but not good enough to meet his mates? He sounds awful. He's using you.

Thank you for your message, I do feel that way, it’s just completely awkward when he talks about what’s he’s been doing with all the couples and when he arranges holidays with them and my daughter and I’m just sat there accepting it

OP posts:
OccasionalHope · 06/05/2024 20:21

Sorry, OP, but it definitely sounds like you’re the Other Woman and his friends all know his wife/more serious gf.