I’ve never met his friends! am I being paranoid?

[Nic12312344]

So I’ve been on and off with my boyfriend for 4 years although I have known him for 12 years ( we have a daughter together). I have never met his friends ever, he does have trust issues etc from childhood so I kind of give him empathy with that and understand why he can be the way he is. A long story short, he has Instagram but doesn’t follow me and it’s a private profile. I found he was following a girl and liking her pictures, so I asked him about this, he instantly got defensive and told me I was a stalker which isn’t true. He admitted the girl was one of his friends girlfriends friends and she goes to party’s and stuff when he’s there. Bear in mind his friends all have girlfriends so they all go out as couples but I’m never invited. I’m not sure they even know about me. I know what’s his like, his very private with his life but there are reasons for this. But I find it confusing how he can like this girls pictures who is around in social events and also follow her when I’m not even able to follow him. He said it means nothing to him liking her pics etc but to me you’re giving her the green light by liking her pictures. What would you do in my situation?

You're not his girlfriend. I'm sorry.

Just rip the plaster off and move on.

So he hates her but also he has her fb account.....he's a liar

Maybe his doing the exact same to her, he always says to me that contacting her is harassment and that his ex will stop contact with his daughter if I “cause problems”. So maybe his said the same to her and that’s why she hasn’t tried to reach out either. Why would a person that claims they love you want to do that to you :(

You're being mentally fucked with, seriously.

Does he help financially? Or does he more likely borrow money or provide nothing for his child?

I’m starting to see that now too. He pays child maintenance yes, but quite happily watches me struggle while he lives his life and buys his designer clothes

Do you go through cms for it?

If he only sees you every second weekend ( I think that's what I read, apologies if I've misread) then it looks like he has another life and he 'visits' with his DD every second weekend.
I'm so sorry OP and I do understand how hard it can be to give up what you have known as 'normal' for so long.

@Nic12312344 I'm sorry he's treating you like this.
You're not in a relationship with him.
If he stays at yours , stop him.
Communicate only about your daughter.

Do you work ? Have friends? Go out ? Have hobbies ?

No his always just transferred it over to me his never missed any but it’s because it’s not a lot for him

He usually stays every other weekend if I’m lucky. I was made redundant fairly recently so currently looking for work. I don’t have friends no because the friendships drifted when I had my daughter.

He's treating you like some sort of remote concubine.

I wonder what story he's spun to his 'friends' about you. You're literally the mother of his child. Very bizarre. Please know you're worth so much more than this.

I feel like he’s just seeing his daughter when he comes to see you.

Yeah she’s probably not and ex, sorry OP :( he’s having his cake again and again and eating it and doesn’t want family and friends to know the type of utter shitbag he is

That is supposed to be his time with my daughter, I do ask him if he’d like to come more but he says he does have other stuff to do and can’t always be here. Makes me feel guilty for asking.

To be honest he doesn’t tell anyone anything and doesn’t like being questioned. So his friends know not to ask. I did ask why his friends don’t know about me and he said they don’t need to know it’s none of their business, if they’re clever enough they’ll work it out for themselves.

I don’t think anyone knows what he’s truly like, I’ve tried to understand him and help him but I’ve damaged myself in the process

It’s his problem OP, sounds like he’s a certified narcissist. You will be so much happier and healthier getting rid of him x

Do you know where he lives? Have you ever turned up unannounced? Maybe you should.
He's taking you for a fool.

Yes, I used to visit and stay at his house when my daughter was little. I haven’t no, I don’t go there, again I’m never invited. He knows I won’t just turn up. I said to him before I can drive to you and he said to not just turn up and give him some notice

The thing is, his left so many times and it’s broke me every single time but I manage to get myself into a better place then he returns. I know I shouldn’t entertain his return but something in me has hope that it will be different

You don't need to break up with him - you're not in a relationship with him

You need to find your self respect and tell him that you two are not in a relationship anymore (not that he seems to think that anyway) and that he should communicate to you only about your daughter and meet only for handover. This is absolutely ridiculous and he is taking the piss. After all your updates I am sure he has more than one girlfriend and family and he is keeping everybody a secret so he can keep doing this. You are wasting your life away with a moron.

It sounds like that’s the reason for his visit and you’re just a convenient bed to stay in.

'I manage to get myself into a better place then he returns'

Look up the term 'intermittent reinforcement'. He's keeping you hooked and dangling. He's a f*ing arsehole and you need to get yourself emotionally and mentally out, before your mind's completely scrambled. X

He's never really come back to you. He's got a daughter with you and a child with another woman. He goes out with a load of couples and doesn't take either of you women. He probably has another woman for that.

Time to accept it's not a relationship. Next time he comes to see your daughter go out and leave them to have their time. Start to make friends for yourself.

Oh and check with CMS that he is paying you enough. Time to draw a line and move on.