Anybody else desperately trying not to contact a guy?

[FuckSakeGetAGrip]

I am, and it's honest to god wrecking me.

Please tell me someone else is struggling too.

I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine...

@Mozzarellaballs he sounds like he's using you to be honest. Using you to pump up his ego. Imagine saying "I know you're obsessed with me". You're a grown woman. I think it my situationship said anything like that to me I would be long gone!

He sounds really horrible @Mozzarellaballs

I know, I'm the same as you. I always say my DH and DC are my world and I won't ruin that for anyone. He doesn't mention her.
It's really shitty of him and made me see him in a new light - and not a good one. Texting me those sort of things when she is about to give birth 🙄
Still doesn't change the fact that I want him to respond though so I can just ignore him 😂

@Mozzarellaballs he sounds awful

How is everyone today? I still haven’t messaged or heard from my guy

🤣. I totally get it. I’m actually not bothered my guy hasn’t messaged but I can’t help wondering why. Probably because the last time he did I sent one word answers 🤣

@WeDreamInPhosphoresence @namechangeforthis5 Literally, makes me feel like he has got me but if this was ever mentioned to him he would be surprised as we haven't ever had a proper 'thing' going on just more of a one sided crush from me unfortunately but it is from is 'unknowing' misleading I think that I feel this way. I don't know if he knows what he is doing or if he is genuinely slightly dumb but I don't think he realises what his flirting does to me or by asking me round til the early hours of the morning to just chat as friends, which we do get on great. I know men and women can be friends but don't waste my time.

The thing is he seems genuinely damaged and says he wants to be alone etc which is fine I respect that, I don't want to be with him but it is more the games that has me hooked, one min he is flirty and messaging about sex (and I get if that's all he wants maybe that's all I want too) but then he just acts normal after that, it's like he gives and then backs away but I know we're at work so he can't exactly be unprofessional there. Doesn't help that he is so good looking. I am like a teenager but I am hung up in secret, I don't be needy to him but I think he defo likes the ego boost of knowing I slightly (massively) like him. So I don't know what to do he is my dopamine!

Honestly @Mozzarellaballs he sounds like hard work but I absolutely get it. I would never have put up with my guy in ‘real life’ but somehow I kept going back for more. So my story is basically:
we met on work day and night out nearly 5 years ago. Flirted but I was really drunk. He said he fancied the pants off me and wanted sex with me and I said that wouldn’t happen but in a corner I tried to kiss him. He said no as people might see. Next day I was full of regret but I’d given him my number. He asked me if we would have sex and I said no but we carried on chatting. At the beginning I avoided all talk of sex and flirting but slowly started to respond. He was also really nice to me without the sex chats. Every time we were alone at work he couldn’t get away quick enough which confused me. He then left the company. 1st lockdown something happened (not physical) which made me feel really bad. I said this and he said I was ‘ruining the moment’ and also I was questioning his integrity. This escalated and he blocked me for months. The 1st lockdown was a horrible time for me mentally and by the end of Covid I’d also lost my best friend due to her falling down the rabbit hole. Since then we’ve fallen out countless times, talked about meeting up which has never happened and if I’m honest I can’t do it. I have never done anything like this before. My family mean everything to me and I really hate the idea of this shit so god knows how I’ve ended up here but I’m determined to leave him in my past now. But recently I had a problem and he was so lovely it’s like he’s also a really good friend and I would like to keep him like that but I know I can’t because he starts blurring the lines again. What is wrong with me?!
Sorry that was long and that’s the short version 😆

Work nights out are the worst! Is he married?

Don't know if this will help anyone but I've found doing a ridiculous amount of running has helped to take the edge off. I guess it's that dopamine high!

Alcohol, especially gin, not at all good! 🙈

Yes. He got married about 3 weeks before this and had a reputation at work which he said was bullshit

What I don’t get is he started it but never seemed to try to do anything which I’m pleased about

Your situation is very close to home. Has DH mentioned anything, has he seen you being flirty?
That would hit DH really hard, if anything happens, as it's betrayal from both of you. Which I know you must know, it doesn't make it any easier to stop though does it? 🥴

Yeah that's weird. Like he likes the excitement of the texts but doesn't want to take it further?

I think mine is the opposite.. I think he's like what's the point in texting just potentionally gets you in trouble with no real sexual gratification!

@Boredbutcantstopscrolling yeah but just in like a 'oh what's he like' kind of way. I don't think anything would actually happen but once you start to get sucked in all reason goes out the window!

Yeah so I’m not indulging him anymore. I don’t want anything to happen either. In my fantasy only. He gets quite angry if I say let’s stop so I’m not telling him. Honestly though in your situation you need to steer well clear of him.

I'm struggling to manage a situation I'm currently in. It won't end well, I know this but can't help myself. I never initiate contact, it's all them and we are part of same friendship group. I have no advice I'm afraid but will be here looking for wise words.

Yes agreed it's very dangerous territory! I don't think I'm gonna see him for a while so hopefully can sort my head out before then!

It’s hard but it’s the right thing

I'm not sure what to do. I'll see him in two weeks. There will be about 20 other people there and I'm "in charge" of the project day as I'm the team leader. I will be very busy but will have to talk to him alone and as part of me chairing various meetings. He normally stays at the end of these days to help me tidy up and we go for a drink. Normally initiated by me so I won't suggest anything this time. I think he will be expecting it though. Any advice on how to politely and friendly say "goodbye"?

Just keep it professional and stay slightly distanced

Yes I know but what exactly should I say? If I don't have a phrase I might just cave and say "drink?"

Just say I’m knackered. Thanks for your help with everything but I really must go home now.

He text me again! Not gonna get drawn in so he can ignore me again.. defo playing with me!

stay strong!