Anybody else desperately trying not to contact a guy?

[FuckSakeGetAGrip]

I am, and it's honest to god wrecking me.

Please tell me someone else is struggling too.

I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine...

Well done @Boredbutcantstopscrolling
❤️@LizaMinnellisFurCoat

Hey all, I’m still reading- just trying to keep my mind clear.

Hey @liveinthesticks good x

I'm angry at him today for being a prick.

Saying it here.

@GetTheTattoo whats he done? I’m realising mine was a bit of a sleaze tbh

Nothing lately really. I think I'm seeing things more clearly now, and realising that some things I thought meant something were just wank fodder to him.

Then again, I'm also an arsehole. I did this to myself really.

I don't want to go back to it, I just wish it had never happened.

@GetTheTattoo i honestly feel exactly the same. Wish I’d never given him my number (I was very drunk and don’t drink anymore). Wish I’d been more assertive and followed through on my instincts. But don’t be so hard on yourself. These men prey on us. They are charming and nice and love the chase.

It’s like I was in a trance sometimes

I'm in exactly the same boat. I feel like the scales have properly fallen off and now I can see him for what everyone else told me he was. I am glad it happened, because I think if it hadn't I would probably have left my family and career to travel the world or something. I was bored and lonely and sorry for myself and I needed something to be excited about. Now I can see that I was just being a selfish dick. I'm so glad it hasn't actually cost me my family and I'll never get into that situation again qith him or anyone else.

Right, trying not to contact again now! Hopefully that will last more than the last time which was about 12 hours!!

Long story short (have posted before), she got confused by ex BF who came back on the scene but realised missed me too much. Sort of together but then seems quite flaky. Had an amazing weekend with her, she stayed round mine for the first time in months and had a great time. Very affectionate and intimate. Then today, I get a message saying she is not sure she loves me in the same way I do her, which is weird seeing as she was saying 2 days ago "when are we going to Dubai" as her friend is there, or making big plans for an event we are due to go to in July. Blowing hot and cold is an understatement.

I did give a sort of ultimatum Sat/Sun about needing to know where this is. We are sort of together, are so close in virtually every way but it feels so fragile, as has been shown this morning when she says all this. Then literally get a message now saying she knows she has a lot to lose not having me in her life...

Unfortunately one of my faults is that I love to have the last word and just feel like saying another ultimatum like you either just give it up or we just go for it!!

My mate has said just to block her...

Block her. She can't keep you on standby while she waits for something better.

That is brilliant. Neither will I

Could have written this. So many people tried to tell me he was a prick.

I had an instinct inside and every time I questioned stuff I was overthinking or deluded

I'm a twat. Unless his phone has fallen out of his pocket and been run over by a car or (heaven forbid) there has been some death in the family or other absolute catastrophe, surely, SURELY this must be the end.

We said we would just be friends.

He was then incredibly attentive. All the messages and attention I had craved in the previous 3 months. He came round to my house for dinner (which he had not done since we changed from friendship to "relationship" back in mid March). He joined me in a hobby in the middle of last week. Dropped him off at his house afterwards in a normal, FRIEND way. And he was a good friend again for those 2 meetings and for the days between.

Then we went out somewhere on Saturday and met again at his house in the afternoon. Lovely meals cooked by him, very chatty, very happy. We went to bed (very much at my request; he had made no mention of this at all). We had a chat in bed about what a lovely day we had had together.

I went home about 9pm on that Saturday evening.

Since then... can you all guess? Nothing.

I messaged something light on Sunday night. FB messages says undelivered and it did say he had not been online since just after I left him on Saturday evening.

Once again we go from a lovely time to 48 hours of nothing with my message not even being delivered. I even have a box here that I have washed that he filled with leftover food for me before I left his house! We had made plans for later this week and actually for the Euros and an event in early July.

I don't know whether to take his food box back to him and say something. To leave it at the door. To phone. To go to our shared hobby at the weekend or just never to go there again!

I've busied myself again with a ton of DIY (in fact I got an amazing amount done yesterday after I saw he was mysteriously offline constantly again).

I think he has blocked me on FB. I literally have no idea why.

This has to stop.

You can do better than this. You need consistency, not occasional grand gestures and then fuck all between!

Thank you, @FlayedAbout

He did say once that he gets annoyed (not with me, just in general) then retreats and does not contact the person for 2 days. Yet he appears incredibly calm and laid back in person.

There is literally nothing that happened on Saturday that would make you ignore me (or him) for one minute.

There is no way he hasn't been online for 48 hours.

Whatever he ‘normally does’ though it’s not healthy for you. I haven’t seen mine for years but whenever I back off or say let’s just be friends he becomes nice or attentive. They just do it to get what they want. You can do better than this. Sorry you’re going through this @Frith2013

Honest to god @Frith2013

How many women fuck a guy then get annoyed and disappear for days, routinely, and just state that that's their usual way of proceeding through life? Bloody none. Because no guy would stand for it. But they know we do.

I am FUCKING MAD TODAY.

Yep. And somehow we convince ourselves that our one isn't really like that. We make excuses for why it's different when he does it, because he's different and special and that makes us feel different and special. In reality, as much as we thought our situation was so different we can see just from this thread that we've all been through almost the exact same scenario and been toyed with in the exact same way. We feel bad because we ignored our better judgement, all the evidence, our own boundaries and standards and allowed ourselves to go along with it and now feel stupid because we tricked ourselves out of seeing what was really there.

Oh this thread....fucking brilliant and heartbreaking in equal measure.

And much cheaper than the £55 an hour therapist.

Thanks, everyone.

The sad thing is that this IS the nicest man I've had a relationship with.
i.e no injuries sustained (by me), no blackmailing, no threats.

What a sad life!

100% this!!

I keep reading that it should be easy. That you shouldn’t have to spend any time or energy worrying about what the guy is thinking or feeling about you. That they should make you feel loved and wanted. I’ve never experienced this in my life and I’m not young. I don’t even think I would know what a healthy relationship looks like.

Every time I have become single I’ve told myself to have better boundaries next time etc etc but then another guy brings his bullshit my way and I make excuses for him.
Getting shouted at and mocked on your first holiday with a guy after only 3 months of behind together should be enough to make you bin him off but NOOOOO I convinced myself he was different just because he actually said sorry.

Yes, @FlayedAbout !

I always say I wouldn't know what to do if I ever got in a relationship with someone nice.

I'll be 50 in a few years. This is my 9th relationship. 4 have lasted over 1 year and another was my marriage of 7 years.

All utterly, utterly shit and I bloody KNEW THAT from really early on in every case. They were just shit in different ways.

Yep, every time I kid myself that I am looking for ‘warning signs’ and they stare me straight in the face and I explain them away. And then they get worse. The last one would literally vibrate with rage over the smallest things. I never felt like he was going to attack me but it could have gone that way. The only saving grace is that he never met my child. None of them did (apart from his dad obviously!)

Time to stay single for a long while for me, work on self esteem issues and pull myself back together and try and learn what cast iron boundaries look like!