Good to find this thread. I'm coping with the aftermath of an emotional affair which started two years ago.
My situation is pretty complicated. Connected with my first love FL after a lifetime, we are both married and live in different countries. We instantly felt like we'd last connected yesterday. All the old feelings rolled back in. He said he wanted to visit me and keep in touch. Neither of us wanted our marriages to end even though they were in bad shape. My husband knew I was in touch with my FL. I'm in touch with my exs they are good friends. We are adults we know how the world works.
My own marriage was in a bad state and we were living in the same house separately working on issues. I was free to have contact with anyone I chose. My husband took 100% responsibility for the situation we were in.
FL emailed, texted and WhatsApped we had discussions on the phone how we would manage to keep this relationship alive. There was never any ambiguity about his intentions. We both respected our existing relationships and were both working on difficult issues. His wife was living abroad most of the year and stonewalled him a lot of the time she was living with him. He was pretty unhappy.
He called me 2-3 times a week for the first five months. He found it too intense so we dropped to messages. He kept me secretly on his phone. He said he wanted to stay married. I wanted that for him too.
He contacted me from all over the world every conference every trip including while visiting his wife's family with his wife and grown up children in Europe. He had no boundaries in that respect and took risks. Last summer while he was there my husband lost patience with the situation. He contacted OM telling him to stop contacting me or he would contact his wife on her FB page. He didn't.
FL contacted me to ask me to speak to DH. He told my DH he would only stop contact if I did. DH and I had an agreement at the time I could have a relationship with others. It was none of his business really.
We continued until earlier this year when he said his wife found a small token gift I sent to him. But I'd sent it to his work to keep at work. He obviously put it in his luggage, work bag or at home which was pretty reckless.
He said he was happily married!! His wife asked that I stopped bothering him. He blocked me on WA.
He was the one who refused to stop contacting me when DH asked him to. He wanted to stay friends every time I said we should stop contact around 8 times in 2 years. He was the one who asked me if I really wanted him to block me - he wouldn't. He was always sending me early good mornings with kisses and late night goodnights. Every message had kisses.
I'm left wondering and a bit confused as to why he couldn't just be friends.
During all this time my husband and I have healed our marriage.
But I'll always miss my first love my last lover.