Hello,
I’ve been lurking on this thread for a while but thought my story may help some of you- I’m several months down the line and I promise the urge/need/want to text or reach out does diminish over time.
I met someone at work 6 years ago, which pretty quickly developed into, I guess, an emotional affair and we REALLY fancied one another. This went on, on and off, for about 9 months, I called time on it (both in relationships), COVID happened, we didn’t see each other or speak for almost 2 years.
Then, he moved to a new department (I had to interview him for the job!) which meant us working directly together. We got along great as colleagues for maybe 6 months before the messaging outside of work started up again. We never met outside of work, nor did anything physical happen but our relationship was extremely inappropriate both from a work and personal perspective. The second time round though, my feelings where still there but it was a lot less intense, prior to Covid we would message pretty much everyday, this time round I felt it was him that would mostly message first and I felt more in control.
Anyway, end of last year, he got a new job and…that’s that. I just thought to myself…what on earth is the point? When we worked together in the office, it was so nice for things not to be awkward and honestly no one had a clue from the way we acted, but I still had what lots of you describe about constantly checking my phone, dissatisfied with responses, wanting more, wanting less. And of course, the guilt and remorse just got worse.
So, during his last week, I messaged and kept it really brief, just said I think it’s better that we just call it a day. We could never be half in half out, could never just be friends or just colleagues, we weren’t going to see each other any more because of him working elsewhere…It just felt like the right time and the right decision.
He was hurt I think, but respected my decision and we haven’t spoke since. That was January this year. I miss him, I miss his friendship, BUT, I do not miss the highs and lows that many of you speak of. I do not miss the feelings of guilt with every message, even just the friendly check in ones.
neither of us have social media so no way of keeping tabs, though I did get a LinkedIn notification recently to say he’d viewed my profile, so I do wonder if he misses me too (I know that sounds sad but LinkedIn was how we messaged initially so there’s more to it than just him randomly viewing my profile!)
Those of you who want to stop whatever sort of situation you’re in…you can do it. You will feel better, and stronger for it. You will have control if you decide to be the one to make the call, and to me that means a lot.
Don't text first, leave them wondering if you’re wondering about them.
A PP said “If they leave you hungry, leave them starving” and motos to this effect really help me. Another one is “you were a dragon long before he came around and said you could fly, and you’ll still be a dragon long after he’s gone”
Okay, the dragon part is iffy but essentially, this person doesn’t define you, you’re still funny and attractive and desirable and all those things we feel because of these men, you are still these things and more without them, you don’t need to be hanging off every word and text they decide we do or don’t deserve. You deserve better than hot and cold, pick up and put down.
You can do this, in 1 month, 3 months, 1 year, you’ll thank yourself, I promise.
PS sorry that was long!