Anybody else desperately trying not to contact a guy?

[FuckSakeGetAGrip]

I am, and it's honest to god wrecking me.

Please tell me someone else is struggling too.

I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine...

😔

What's he like @JustWannaBeWorthIt ?

I'm not sure talking about him is helpful really tbh

I feel I need to message mine to get clarity. He asked me a few weeks ago not to sleep with anyone else but not seen me other than at work since. He's been flirty today, feels like it used to.

Still not sleeping cos of this. Was awake half last night again.

Feel.sick at thee thought of getting a reply that makes me feel stupid

I can't not know though cos I feel so bad anyway

Or should i just ask him not to be flirty at work as its confusing me

Well I’m a total idiot.

@chasegirl I can’t remember your situation, but if he's asking you not to sleep with anyone else but he isn't sleeping with you then please avoid this one. That seems messed up. Walk away. Head high, do not message him for any reason.
@namechangeforthis5 what happened?

What's happened?

Made the mistake of asking him if he’d reflected on anything whilst he was away as our last chat was basically me saying I’ll leave you to have your holiday and if you want to talk after then cool if not I won’t hear from you and he just treated the whole thing like a joke then asked me what my thoughts were so I said I wasn’t playing and he said okay. He says I’m taking it too seriously. Maybe I am. Why is this man having so much power over me. I think he doesn’t want to do it either but he wants me to be the one to say it.

This seems to be the way of it; the woman in the equation catches feelings and the men seem to miraculously escape.

Absolutely. And I always feel like maybe I’m being horrible to him and I’ve misunderstood

Quite proud of myself for saying I’m not playing then not replying to his ‘okay’

Yeah, I've got a couple 🙄. One I had very strong feelings for, loved his mind, fancied him rotten, the feeling was/ is mutual and we're both single, but....he's an alcoholic. In total denial. And he acted like a shit towards his exW and plays the victim about it. I feel like I've been gradually weaning myself off him over the last couple of years. Occasionally I succumb and we have a drunken night together, but it's getting less and less frequent, and I try not to beat myself up about it.

The other has been frequently messaging me (he always initiates the conversations, I'm always the one to end them) since splitting up with his wife- he loves to chat but seems reluctant to meet up 🙄. I fancy him to a painful degree, but he's just revealed to me he's been having a fling with someone else, and it seems clear that he's just been using me as some kind of emotional fallback girl and someone to trauma dump on. Whatever it is, this isn't something that's benefiting me much.

👏👏👏👏👏

Mine is a guy at work. Pursued me for a while, went on a couple of dates then started sleeping with him.

He then cancelled maybe every other date saying he was busy (had a 2nd job). Dates became takeaways and a movie at mine or he'd come over after work on a Saturday when my daughter was at her Dad's. Was always flirty at work, saying his body was all mine etc.

He used to send messages when he got home the next day like 'thank you for seeing me I needed that'. Never planned the next date.

We were going to book to go away for a night in November but then he went to pick up a car with his mates instead. He didn't tell me but I over heard him asking a manager to change his day off for this reason. No apology or explanation and never rearranged.

Always saying he was busy working or family stuff but made some time for his friends.

Writing this down I know I should have ended it months ago. He really got under my skin, just giving me enough attention to keep me interested and hooked on the scraps of attention. Maybe that's why I'm struggling so much?

He sounds like a right dick. Why do we gravitate towards these men who give us scraps.

I do it as well.

Fuck knows! Honestly, it fucking dumbfounds me.

I'm feeling not as bad today; interestingly I think how I feel really strongly correlates to my hormones throughout my cycle.

I guess it's related to perimenopause.

I think* they did some research on attraction, and found out that people who play hot/ cold and keep you permanently confused can, indeed, provoke the strongest feelings- more than being consistently attentive. It's a nasty psychological trick.

*read it somewhere. God knows where 😆

Wow. My hormones definitely play a part. It’s shit because my DH is the loveliest man and not a player at all. I’m determined today not to message

Think I've seem something like that too. The attention you get becomes like a drug because of the inconsistency.

I think I'm peri as well and been on mynien for a long time which does not help at all

It does make sense because sometimes I build it up and when it’s just mundane chat I want more

Yeah nothing is quite enough to satisfy. It's so fucking stupid. They're just basic as fuck guys!