Anybody else desperately trying not to contact a guy?

[FuckSakeGetAGrip]

I am, and it's honest to god wrecking me.

Please tell me someone else is struggling too.

I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine...

Mine (and I can't believe I've had to read this) is suggesting he doesn't understand me because of my culture. And also that I chose to sleep with him because he has a different coloured skin from me.

So that's nice.

@namechangeforthis5 what are you scared about re blocking him? (No judgement as it is something I need to do now).

That I’m wrong and actually treating him badly. And that I’ll miss him

What the hell! Omg this is awful.

It was reported to me by another colleague that mine had a really awful day at work yesterday. Lots of emotive and difficult situations and he was in work much longer managing these situations. I decided to write a really lovely and supportive message to him this morning offering support and expressing to him that he can rely on me if shit hits the fan. He replied "thanks" . It took me such a long time to write that message and I wish I hadn't bothered!!

Ah Frith we've all been there. Don't beat yourself up. Chalk it up to experience and move on. You have to get really pissed off with them to end it properly and maybe this is it for you. They eventually go too far! Knobs!

I've just asked him the ages of my children, to prove to him that he doesn't care or ever ask me anything.

He thought I only had one child...

I can't bare this. I hate feeling like this. I'm almost 40! I never thought I'd feel like this again. The anxiety. Am so close to tears. I don't think I can cope with seeing him on Tuesday. He obviously doesn't care about me. I've been so open and vulnerable to him. I'm such a fool.

You aren't a fool. We just trust what they say, take them at face value. We do that because we are good honest people and believe they are too. They are skilled manipulators.

It's OK to feel like this and to cry. I'm 53 and it happened to me. Be gentle and speak to yourself like you would to a dear friend. It will get better

I spoke to mine today. I told him to come back to me when he gets back from his holiday if he wants and if he doesn’t then cool. He said oh I definitely will. He said that he is scared to meet me in case I can’t handle it. It’s just bullshit now but it’s fine. Life is too good to fuck up.

Sorry to read this. Hugs and remember he doesn’t deserve you

You have not been a fool.. you were being you and trusting him. For me, everytime something like this happens it means I put more of a barrier up for the next guy and tell them nothing. I am so so glad I didn't tell my guy about some things. what a relief -note to self, tell them nada!

ok, please tell me not to send the message asking why -have typed it out but don't really want to send it but i do.. please.

@winc don't do it don't do it don't do it!!

I did yesterday (just something insignificant, we really don't chat much now) and it was hardly worth the bother, I'm just meh about it now.

Why what? I mean don’t send it but I’m just wondering what you’re asking him.

I keep opening whatsapp and then closing it again. I see these urges to text my one as "cravings" and I try and let them pass. It's hard, but like after having too much wine / biscuits etc etc - the guilt after when they inevitably ignore or send a one word answer isn't a great feeling either.

Absolutely 💯 agree 👍. I keep going to unblock mine, but then remind myself he clearly doesn’t want me in his life - his bloody loss, not mine.

Don’t do it!!!
Thats what I want to know from mine - just why is he such an idiot. We were supposed to be friends, I wasn’t one of his many women. I suppose now I can see why he has nobody & his life is such a mess x

OK. Third attempt this morning to message mine and make him realise that using me for sex, saying weird things then ignoring me hasn't made me feel great.

He was being deliberately obtuse, blamed me for choosing him and said we were still friends.

I said goodbye.

I have deleted Facebook and WhatsApp. I'm going to come off the internet (as much as practicable) including forums and this site for 2-3 weeks. My aim is to then return to normal life, hopefully half a stone lighter and with a good haircut! And all the painting in my house finally finished... In fact, I might burst back into life on my birthday next month.

Ladies, these people just do not care. You can't make them care. They are just upsetting you and getting in the way of better things. What a waste of our precious time.

Slept badly last night. Woke up dreaming about how he used me, took ages to get back to sleep. This keeps happening a few times a week. It's cos I still have yo see him at work every day and can't say anything to him.

What I want to know is how his feelings for me changed literally overnight -from 😘in messages to nothing. Constant contact to nothing.
Is there any point? Will he respond? I don't think so. He has ghosted me - I should just respect the dead..

I won't -have deleted the message.. the thoughts of no response from him again, me constantly checking to see if he has read it or been online is what is stopping me now. I am genuinely exhausted by it all.

How did yours start? & well done

Don’t ask him why.
I asked mine why three times (we met at done social events where he always makes a beeline for me and monopolises me so it was just part of the conversation.) Each time I got a different answer and actually it doesn’t matter. If he wanted to be with me he would, so it’s simple that he doesn’t want to be.

Mine started 18 months ago. We've worked together years, there's always been an attraction and harmless flirting. I'm married, he's in a ltr with a much younger woman. He put a lot of effort into seducing me which has resulted in a lot of snatched moments over the last 18 months. He kept his relationship quiet and I only found out about it a few months in. We haven't had penetrative sex but we've definitely crossed the line physically. We didn’t have any contact for two weeks after the last time. When we next worked together he was openly flirting with another colleague and hostile enough towards me that others commented. After I told him it hurt he apologised and said he was having a tough time, we messaged a little. We have a pattern where he goes cold, I cut contact for a short while before one of us breaks and the cycle repeats. He ignored my last one where I said and meant that even if nothing physical were to happen between us again that I hoped we could still be friends. It's been almost two weeks since I sent it. I'm determined not to send another, not even to wish him a happy birthday. We’re not due to work together for a while, but we work in the same building so I'm likely to run into him soon. I'm not going to ignore him in person, but if he does ever message, I'm not going to be sucked in beyond short polite answers and I certainly won't be sneaking off to meet him. Ultimately it was a fun diversion during a rough patch in my marriage. I don’t regret it, I felt sexy and fun and desirable and the memories make me smile. But there's something about the way he treats people and me in particular that’s put me off and now I don’t want or need any explanation from him. It doesn’t matter whether or not he's interested in having any kind of relationship because I'm finally done.