Anybody else desperately trying not to contact a guy?

[FuckSakeGetAGrip]

I am, and it's honest to god wrecking me.

Please tell me someone else is struggling too.

I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine...

@chasegirl sooooooo awkward when you work with them. I'm so relieved that nothing has happened with my chap. It would be awful at work and I'd be a right fool. Deleting number is good.

@namechangeforthis5
So, how's it been today?

Today is one of the evenings that my chap suggesting meeting when he was "struggling" to find a date he was free so I keep thinking that I could've gone out and seen him tonight but to be honest I'm home with my family and I'm giving myself the ick thinking about it. It would've been awful to have lied to my husband and just gone out and met him. I'm so glad I was strong and didn't just agree to meet. He made it easy though by basically showing he wasn't interested. At least I know I have some self respect left despite the longing and obsessive thoughts.

He's not messaged since Thursday and I'm seeing him next week at work and I'm only going to speak to him about work related matters and not engage with chit chat. It will be easy as I'm managing about 16 people that day and I'll be run off my feet. Also, my colleague is paired up with him and she knows the situation and is there to keep me inline.

Oh lots to catch up on -hope everyone is staying strong!
Spent most of yesterday afternoon in tears when kids were with their dad -just thinking what an absolute mess I have made of everything.. and I want to contact him but I am not going to. Keep listening to that Taylor Swift song - I can do it with a broken heart - not that my heart is broken - but I just put on a happy face with the kids as much as I can. I think that this guy is just a symbol of the shitshow my life has become since my marriage broke up -and I just smile,laugh and get on with it -to the outside anyway, I really just want to go to bed and pull the covers over my head and sleep forever 😥

I want to go to bed and sleep too. For a couple of months maybe.

Not sure that'd work, had some broken night cos of him ☹️

Deleting his number hasn't really worked cos he messages me about work. I reply thrn delete again. Can't block.him really. Have applied for a new job luckily it is a job I've been interested in for a while.

Bright side, I've lost a few pounds in weight 🙃

@drad thanks for asking. Just another stupid pointless conversation with him where it’s chit chat then he says nothing has happened between us and yeah physically it hasn’t but stuff has and then I say I shouldn’t have messaged and he says here we go and I get wound up. I don’t know why he has this effect on me!

So, just ran into mine. We were in the same room. Lots of hussle and bustle. I made no eye contact, kept a clear distance then left as soon as I could. He messaged straight away saying "where's have you gone?". I have left message on unread. Not sure what to do now. Both very busy. I can't just not message as seeing him at work next week. Shall I message later? What shall I say?

Me! Woke up early hours of this morning and started texting him plus I work with him.

After my last relationship who was arrested and then I dropped the charges for rape plus CCB, stalking and harassment it took me a long time to start thinking of letting someone else in. In the middle of the police investigation, and when my ex was on bail, I started talking to a colleague, he's a really nice guy, got his own insecurities and I've kept him at arms length until this year. We've had some amazing times and I've learnt to live, love and trust again through him plus know what a healthy relationship should be like, My kids and dog & cat thought he was great.

Cue last week, I had one of my counselling sessions, called him and told him that I'd finally been able to put a name to my ex i.e 'sexual predator' to which Y asked why I didn't go ahead with the prosecution etc etc. He's since pulled back and said that he's now asking questions as to why I didn't want to start a relationship sooner and why I kept him at arms length. He has really shut down on me and it really is driving me mad not texting him as I could quite easily marry him tomorrow if he asked. We were even looking at houses together a couple of weeks ago. He doesn't know if he wants to call it quits but he is completely ignoring me and it's very obvious at work.

I'm ruddy 51 and yet here I am....in absolute turmoil.

I'd say try and be strong and don't message him but it's alright me giving that advice cos I'd have to message him back as well! It's so hard isn't it

I would just ignore and pretend I haven’t seen it. Or reply saying I’m really busy. Then again I am back to square one!

@ZippyViewer sounds like a nightmare. Poor you!

@namechangeforthis5 and @Downdownunderrabbit I messaged back after 3 hours saying I had to chip off due to meetings etc. We ignored each other whilst in the same room. I said to my colleague who knows situation that I wasn't going to make eye contact. Then he messages me within 5 seconds of leaving room! Not seen him for a few weeks and he ignored my last message on Thursday. Head feels messy again from just running into him!

The guy I work with is all chirpy and chatty when I have to see him,he commented today that I seemed quiet. Yes I am, trying not to call you out at work

I told mine I probably should leave me alone but now he wants to talk to me. He’s going away in a couple of days with his family abroad so at least I can’t message him

Well I messaged mine again to ask if he was ok as he dealt with a difficult situation at work today and he's been online and not even read my text despite being the person who messaged me first !!!!! Aaaaaargh! When is it going to end?

I can give you all some tips and you're not going to like it!

He isn't thinking about you because you are thinking about him. It doesn't work that way.

Sometimes groups like this encourage a dependency because you hear others say they have contacted and you think ok i will as well.

Sometimes you get the people in groups like this who encourage you negatively by saying things like " oh he must really like you" etc. if he really liked you he would be with you.

You have to be strong and stop access from these fuckers - no excuses! Oh he's going through a hard time . His mum has died. His dog has died. He's not in a good place. It's all excuses ! Your excuse to contact him because ANY contact is good in your eyes no matter how bad it is really.

I'm handling it better - no you are not.
I'm in control this time - no you are not.
It's different this time no it isn't.

Harsh? Yes maybe. Yes I have been there and I dealt with it. I left those groups because there are some women who will tell themselves the same things forever.

The only way is to stop a toxic person having access to yourself ! Be kind to yourself and cut the communication.

@behonestwithyourself you are absolutely right. I have to see him occasionally at work but I am thinking of telling him how I feel to tell him to stop contacting me and to only see me professionally but to also avoid that if possible.

Wise words 👏

Very true. I think I’m making mine sound worse that he is on here but I still need to stop messaging him. And I will

I'm sending you all strength. I know how difficult it is.

So true.. when I check to see when he has last been online - I stop and think, he may be online but not for you and he is not checking when you were last online, I can guarantee you that..

It is getting easier -a week today since the last contact.. am beginning to move on ( I think and hope!)

I think the thing that really resonates is "He isn't thinking about you because you are thinking about him. It doesn't work that way."

I do think the amount of intensity I feel about this guy has a lot to do with his blowing hot/cold - which causes the anxiety, which of course "feels" like butterflies. It's actually just stress. plain and simple.

I'm trying to really understand why I feel these things, and project them onto men. Why can we see the wood for the tree's with other peoples situations but not ourselves?

Ive blocked & deleted mine. He had blocked me on text but not WhatsApp. All I ever offered was friendship & spent so much time when he was in trouble. But he cancelled on me when we were actually due to meet up (with another friend), talk about run scared & yes I had a complete go at him. But it was always about him. I’ve checked in a couple of times to see if all ok, either ignored or a one word answer days later. But feel so much better now I’m not constantly checking my phone & no more worrying that my husband would see how much we messaged.

I've made an almighty cock up.

Man I've been seeing for 2 months. Told him on Saturday it was over. No reply.

Monday afternoon - a sudden rather garbled reply that there was a problem and would I drive over.

Well, he had fallen out with a friend. It was something and nothing. He didn't mention my messages (!) and the evening went ok. He seemed quite down and vulnerable and asked me if we were friends or if I was using him for sex. We chatted about all sorts of things, had a bit of a "lie down" which was pleasant but yet again, completely unsatisfying.

Tuesday evening I asked him about a new job he was doing and what had it involved (an open question). After 5 hours he said, "yes, great". Didn't ask about me or say anything else.

Today I texted that I was still unhappy and that we hadn't actually discussed what I said on Saturday (about being unhappy). He went off on a tangent. I tried to turn it back to me and he said he was stressed about the argument with a friend.

I'm afraid I rather lost it at that point and said this is why it is ending. I said I'd listened to him talking about his friend for over an hour but he has never asked a single thing about my life, if I am ok or what I would like.

The only time I got a reply is when I asked if he was seeing other women. This made him cross.

I said a few nice things about what it has been like for me visiting him and that I remembered when I first met him.

Then I said I thought he had cared and that I felt stupid and ashamed now. I said I'd asked about other women because I like sex pretty much every day so I wondered if there was someone else because we do it so rarely. (I know I shouldn't have written that).

I said he had targeted me a few days after my ex moved out when I was vulnerable.

Eventually he texted back with one sentence telling me to be quiet.

I said something along the lines of, "if everyone around you is sad and angry, perhaps it is you".

Silence.

I am ridiculously upset.

Just reminding myself of my message from Saturday. Nothing has changed. I'm a twat.

I might have to block mine. Yesterday it was all let me call you then when he wanted to I couldn’t talk then I could but he said sorry I can’t which is fine. But today nothing

Of course, mine told me to "be quiet" so I felt obliged to write a few more little missives.

Well, it's over, so I might as well look like a loon. I've turned my phone off and will have to block him when I turn it back on.

I'm absolutely and utterly gutted.

Mine has said sshhh to me before and it really annoyed me. I’m scared to block him though