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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anybody else desperately trying not to contact a guy?

1000 replies

FuckSakeGetAGrip · 06/05/2024 12:02

I am, and it's honest to god wrecking me.

Please tell me someone else is struggling too.

I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine...

OP posts:
drad · 19/05/2024 14:17

Yeah I think I'm just winding myself up looking if he's online but not messaging me. Dunno what's wrong with me!!

namechangeforthis5 · 19/05/2024 14:27

I used to do that tbh

drad · 19/05/2024 15:27

@Goldpigger are you likely to run into them?

@namechangeforthis5 I'm such a loser. I've just had a nice weekend with my family. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow so will unpack this then.

namechangeforthis5 · 19/05/2024 15:33

@drad you're not a loser at all. I’ve got really bad anxiety about something at the moment and telling myself the thing won’t happen if I message him- I am being weird

Goldpigger · 19/05/2024 20:54

drad · 19/05/2024 15:27

@Goldpigger are you likely to run into them?

@namechangeforthis5 I'm such a loser. I've just had a nice weekend with my family. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow so will unpack this then.

Yeah did tonight and it was all very friendly as it has to be but I've just had the message ping now and know it's him
Not gonna read it straightaway Hmm

Goldpigger · 19/05/2024 20:55

drad · 19/05/2024 13:34

Are you looking at when he's online? I've changed my last seen etc so I can't see his and I'm going to remain strong. My ideal would be for him to not message me this week then he will turn up for the project day but I'm the director and will be very busy plus I'm going to look great and be at my best and can easily avoid talking to him 1-2-1. Then say goodbye with no plans to meet

You can do this Flowers

namechangeforthis5 · 19/05/2024 21:00

Well at least you’re getting messages 🤣

drad · 19/05/2024 21:04

@Goldpigger what does it say?
It's funny, I can predict that mine will message after he runs into me. It's like he forgets I exist then he's like "wow, oh yes, we have an amazing connection"
But then just disappears after that.

wiggywoowoo · 19/05/2024 21:09

I've had a bad weekend! So id been catching up with an old friend (male) and I ended up telling him about my situation he was saying what a terrible idea it would be, massive betrayal etc.

So I told the guy I like what this friend had said. He was kinda mean to me! Think he was pissed off that I'd spoken to this other guy / jealous. So yeah that was a bit shit feel like he really knows how to upset me!

namechangeforthis5 · 19/05/2024 21:19

wiggywoowoo · 19/05/2024 21:09

I've had a bad weekend! So id been catching up with an old friend (male) and I ended up telling him about my situation he was saying what a terrible idea it would be, massive betrayal etc.

So I told the guy I like what this friend had said. He was kinda mean to me! Think he was pissed off that I'd spoken to this other guy / jealous. So yeah that was a bit shit feel like he really knows how to upset me!

He’s a dick

namechangeforthis5 · 19/05/2024 21:20

I keep worrying about something at work and really want to message my guy

namechangeforthis5 · 19/05/2024 21:27

I have and I know it’s stupid. Especially on a Sunday evening 🤦🏻‍♀️

drad · 19/05/2024 21:55

@wiggywoowoo
Yeah, he's a dick

@namechangeforthis5
Noooooooooooooooooooo! You've been so strong! But I know how you feel as I get anxious at work and get the urge to message too. Has he replied?

Frith2013 · 19/05/2024 21:59

24 hours since I messaged that this set up (not really a relationship) was making me very unhappy etc etc.

Still no reply. He's not even a friend, is he?

I cried quite a lot yesterday. Today I walked 13 miles instead.

namechangeforthis5 · 19/05/2024 22:02

drad · 19/05/2024 21:55

@wiggywoowoo
Yeah, he's a dick

@namechangeforthis5
Noooooooooooooooooooo! You've been so strong! But I know how you feel as I get anxious at work and get the urge to message too. Has he replied?

Yes straightaway asking if I’m ok

autumn1610 · 19/05/2024 22:09

Well this is the message board I didnt know I needed. Same situation I hate it it’s shit. More than an emotional affair but still a very fleeting thing and I hate it, I hate thinking about him but also hate the way he seems to feel the same but in situations now that put a stop to things. Eurgh I’ve banned myself from reaching out until Saturday to wish him happy birthday but that’s it. He’s muted and on lock chat so can’t see it in WhatsApp, last contact was Tuesday so times between contact are getting longer. Used to be daily all day

drad · 19/05/2024 22:10

@Frith2013 13 mile walk sounds very healthy. He is pathetic to not even reply. Really disrespectful

@namechangeforthis5 do you feel relieved / happy that you've made contact ?

Musingnotschmoozing · 19/05/2024 22:21

So my guy is moving on as he should. The just about something that happened between us shouldn’t have, but I still feel sad and like I have lost something which is mad because I have lots of better relationships in my life. And I can’t tell a single soul. And I have to see him all the time. He’s been nice today. I think it’s easier when he’s being a dick.

namechangeforthis5 · 19/05/2024 22:38

drad · 19/05/2024 22:10

@Frith2013 13 mile walk sounds very healthy. He is pathetic to not even reply. Really disrespectful

@namechangeforthis5 do you feel relieved / happy that you've made contact ?

No not really because I didn’t need to. It’s my anxiety

namechangeforthis5 · 19/05/2024 22:41

Frith2013 · 19/05/2024 21:59

24 hours since I messaged that this set up (not really a relationship) was making me very unhappy etc etc.

Still no reply. He's not even a friend, is he?

I cried quite a lot yesterday. Today I walked 13 miles instead.

Sorry you were upset. It will get better. I’m past crying now he’s made me that hard. Last time we were properly talking he was complaining I made no effort to meet so I asked him for times etc knowing full well he wouldn’t and he did the angry face emoji. I asked why and he said I was being ‘relentless’ so when he messaged two weeks back asking if I had a good weekend I replied very politely. Now I’m back to square one!

namechangeforthis5 · 20/05/2024 10:16

Well he’s messaging me now being really nice. I’m such an idiot

drad · 20/05/2024 16:49

Oh god.

namechangeforthis5 · 20/05/2024 17:37

And now he’s annoying me again lol

namechangeforthis5 · 20/05/2024 18:00

I need saving from myself

chasegirl · 20/05/2024 18:45

lollipoppp · 06/05/2024 12:29

@FuckSakeGetAGrip I work with mine so I'll have to see him again tomorrow. It'd be easier if we didn't work together but I love my job and don't want to make a decision that might make life easier in the interim but not long term.

I just keep telling myself everything happens for a reason and he wasn't to be my future. Sad really. Given he hasn't even read my last message I keep thinking after all those years I must have meant nothing to him, and he mustn't miss me, but my friend put a different spin on it. She said he could be really struggling too, hence why he can't face any messages from me. Probably not true but it helps a bit. Either way, it's time to focus on our healing and moving forward. They don't want to be in our lives so I guess just feel all the feelings and work your way through them. It isn't going to kill us, we will get through it.

I work with mine. I've had to come to the slow realisation he was using me for sex tho. Took a while to realise and I feel an utter fool now on top of the pain. I can't say anything either cos that would make work worse

We have to work fairly closely as well. I've deleted his number but can't bring myself to block on social media cos he'd notice that ( well maybe) and might ask why, then I'd have to explain.

Feels worse than I have for a long time

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