Anybody else desperately trying not to contact a guy?

[FuckSakeGetAGrip]

I am, and it's honest to god wrecking me.

Please tell me someone else is struggling too.

I'll hold your hand if you'll hold mine...

I remember once someone who I was having a fling with saying it was only to be a quickly as he was up early for football. I knew then there'd be only one goal in mind and I left!

I just want to ask my one what the fuck was that all about! We live far apart & were due to catch up with another friend & he bailed & has then proceeded to ignore me. Such a shame, but probably for the best as the messaging was daily, but I miss having my text friend for the daily check in’s.

So I can’t text at the weekend for obvious reasons but I still wonder is he thinking am I ok. Bullshit behaviour aside he does seem to care. We agreed to stop a few weeks ago and he said he thought a lot of me. Argh. To me if he didn’t have a dick we could be friends but if I didn’t have a vagina I don’t think he would be lol

And I have been using him as an emotional anxiety crutch so it’s all going wrong

@namechangeforthis5
So tough. Reading your posts makes it so clear to me that you should stop but it's hard to be objective about yourself!
Mine is online a lot tonight. Keep thinking he is out on dates meeting a potential new girlfriend and I'm feeling very distracted by it all. Like, why is he constantly online now and not messaging me back but then will send me something random out of the blue this week?!

How are you all doing? It's been a week now since I text my guy and he didn't reply. I'm not even sad anymore, just pissed off! How dare he not reply!! (Even though 3 weeks ago I told him not to...)
I thought I would want to text him tonight as DH is out, thought we could have a good chat if he actually responds, but I don't even want to.
Although I'm about to pour myself a gin so let's see if I still feel like this in half an hour!

You can do it!!!
was just checking this tread instead of messages x

Thanks! Still don't feel the need to text him, I'm so pleased with myself!
This thread has been a big help, I'm surprised there are so many of us in the same position and we're all feeling the same, stupid and disgusted with ourselves for being in these situations. We are better than this!!

Hiya, I hope to be where you are soon. I am furious that he has not replied. Dreading seeing him in 11 days! Not seen him for 6 weeks (apart from running into him at work but we were both busy so couldn't stop to talk).
I'm having a nice time at home.

@Boredbutcantstopscrolling well done! That’s awesome.
@drad kindly, you need to stop looking if he’s online. Turn off your last seen it really helps.
not spoken to my guy since he messaged me the Tuesday after bh asking if I’d had a good weekend.

I haven't been in touch, haven't really wanted to be, so things are ok from that perspective.

But I miss my friend. So much.

I've rebuilt every bit of my life since he was in it every day. But he's still the gaping hole I have to live with and work around. I'm exhausted from it.

I guess I was really in love with him. This feels like grief; slow and sad and like I'll never be free of it. It's a series of small adjustments that never quite get me back to the me I once was.

You will be free of it

I’m up and down. Can’t not have contact (would love to be able to tbh - would be fine then). One moment it feels okay, then the next it doesn’t. On the whole he isn’t treating me that well though so eventually I will tip over into pissed off & then I’ll be fine.

I met mine in school. We were friends. He never had the courage to speak up then, but I kinda sensed he liked me in 1984. Fast forward time 40 years and we've been involved since lockdown. Both of us are married: me, unhappily invisible to my husband. He reckons he's happy with his wife, but he's been mad about me his whole life - apparently.
I'm over it all now emotionally though. Watched him live a double life for a long time and it made me angry. I've been separated all that time because I can't live a fake life. He's still in my life, daily, but I keep the conversation PG now and dodge any meetups he tries to initiate so that we can preserve a vestige of our old friendship. The whole thing has been an enormous head fuck and has nearly broken me at times, but I've just gone beyond it all and moved into a huge loss of respect for him for playing double with us both. I just don't understand how it's cost him nothing and me so much.

My chap did reply yesterday, finally. He pretended to not understand my message and said he would cancel seeing his other friends and come round to see me today (i.e the original plan).

I replied saying "you clearly don't want to talk to me, message me or see me. I'm too sad and tired to keep trying".

Not my most beautifully constructed message but I actually was sad and tired by 9pm, after another day of waiting for him.

And has he replied? Apologised? Even replied just as a concerned friend?

Can you all guess...?

@Frith2013 a lovely message. You've put it out there now and if he doesn't respond in the appropriate way I think you can start to forget and repair.
I think it's pathetic that he's not replied at all.

Mine once said if he saw me and the opportunity was there he would want me but otherwise he couldn’t make a special effort. What a dick. I don’t understand him

@namechangeforthis5 you deserve much better than that!

Well of course he was ‘only being honest’ and backtracked later. Yet I still feel bad for painting him in a bad light. How has this happened to me

The thing is that we all know that when we've met someone we like, we want to talk to them, see them and it's not really any effort. I thought nothing of suggesting three times to meet up or go for a drink after work, I asked because I wanted to. I think if a man is saying that's too much effort then he's not really into it. This was the epiphany I had recently as I was always suggesting meeting and he replied to my prompt that he was "struggling to find a date". He did give me two dates (in 6 weeks) but it was the whole language around it. If he'd have said "I'm well up for it, but work is crazy but let's get together" then maybe I would've gone. It's for the best though as I'm going to end up ruining mine and my families life over an emotionally unavailable and immature person who is not that into it. The more I write this the better it is.

If I could block my guy I would, but I can't due to work. Can you block?

He is married so it would take effort and tbh why would I bother. Not that I want to cheat on anyone anyway but I just don’t get why the hell he started it. He’s pulled me in to something he never intended to carry out. Honestly I’m being pathetic

I can block but he hasn’t messaged me for two weeks anyway

Mines not messaged since last Sunday, and I've not seen him this weekend which is good and what I should want but I'm still sat waiting for the text
This thread is definitely helping though !

Are you looking at when he's online? I've changed my last seen etc so I can't see his and I'm going to remain strong. My ideal would be for him to not message me this week then he will turn up for the project day but I'm the director and will be very busy plus I'm going to look great and be at my best and can easily avoid talking to him 1-2-1. Then say goodbye with no plans to meet

No I don’t do that. No point