Please help Husband and strip club

[ReadyforthechorusLTB]

My husband went on a works night out last night, he came home in a terrible state vomiting on the carpet that I cleaned to save the poor kids standing in it.
Anyway, I've picked up his pants and noticed an obviously stain at the front inside.
I confronted him and he said he went to a strip club. I asked to see his bank account immediately and he has spent £775 ! There is multiple charges some at £115 and even one for £230. Apparently this is the first time he has paid for a dance. I have downloaded a year's worth of statements and I can't see any other incidents.
To make things worse he slipped up and said he went alone after everyone else had gone home. Why?!!

Pre kids I would have walked away. But I have two young children, and leaving would completely change their lives for the worse. He earns more than I do, we have no outside support and I have no family to go to, and I couldn't manage the mortgage payments on my own.
I feel physically sick. I'm not sure how I am meant to trust him again!
Does anyone know what happens at strip clubs. What has he paid for. Is this just dances!

Leeds?

Yes x

It’s positive that he has been truthful - he could have tried to lie. I think the important thing now is for you to take some time to register everting that’s happening and process your own feelings and emotions around it.

I personally wouldn’t end my marriage for this, but I would be setting extremely clear boundaries moving forward.

Thank you. I do get that but at the sametime he had to tell me as I saw the stain and demanded his phone to look at his bank statement that I could see he was panicking about. If I hadn't noticed, I assume I would never have been told.

if it was only last night, he would have woke up this morning feeling like shit with complete beer fear. He may not have already told you, but he may have told you when the guilt started to kick in

For me, going to a strip club wouldn’t necessarily be an immediate ltb but this situation, well, I would be seriously considering it 😞
My reasons being;
paying for private dances, for me, is a hard no. It’s commodifying womens bodies and that’s not acceptable to me
Thats a huge huge amount of family money that he’s spunked away
I just don’t think I could trust or respect him again.

So I'm guessing when u asked him about it he said he went to the strippers?

Can you ask him to stay elsewhere for a bit?

He wouldn't feel guilty about it, I'm guessing he's come clean about it as he's too hungover to fight it .

I'm guessing the money was his own money and not a joint account or anything.

Perhaps, you raise a good point. I suppose I’m seeing it as though it’s the same as my own situation is, where all money is shared. I suppose that does make a difference but it would still disappoint me that he spent nearly £1000 on being a complete sleaze.

Having just googled the clubs you mention I think whether he paid for a "dance" / more than one " dance" or "just"bought the women drinks is actually rather irrelevant. The fact he thought setting foot in such a place tells you all you need to know about his view of women as sex objects for male gratification.

Yes he told me when I confronted him about the stain that he went to a strip club and then I asked to see his bank charges as I wanted to see what he had spent there. Yes it was his own account but we pool all our money, all the other drinks at other places and his taxi home was on the joint account.

I have been to a strip club a couple of times. When the clubs used to close near us it was the only place open for a drink past 2am. I'm not particularly into women and always went with others.

The money will only have been for dances. They are run very strictly with the no touching rule. I did pay for a dance once for curiousity- she stripped down to her pants and got very close like mm away with her boobs from my face but didn't touch. The dance was held in a backroom but we weren't even the only ones in there.

I could forgive the club and the dance to be honest if it was a one off curiosity and they were genuinely sorry- its not emotional or physical really- and we don't mind each other watching porn. But that amount of money would make me feel sick. I'd have the most trouble forgiving that he could be so cavalier with the family finances for nothing really.

Yep, that money could have gone towards a family holiday for example.

I think a "dance" is around £30 so no idea what's he's spent £115 on

Oh really as it's £115, £115, £132 and £230 for the largest payments!

I darent even look. We have 2 daughters!

I wonder if they have conned him into buying a bottle of £115 champagne

Seriously?? I think most people consider money to be family money when people are married and have kids.

I just know some couples have a joint account and then there own account to spend money on themselves. But just because it's own money doesn't mean you can spend it on strippers 😂

I don’t think (full disclosure, this is from what I’ve heard. I’ve never been in a strip club myself, nor would ever) all clubs stick quite so strictly to the ‘no touching, no extras’ rules as they should. I’d certainly be questioning him spending such enormous amounts of money on ‘just’ dances and drinks, especially when he was on his own.

The club offers £10 entry with one free drink and dance, so the huge bill he ran up would've been buying them drinks or private dances perhaps? I have heard in the past that they try and encourage you to buy overpriced drinks which is where the profit is, to have groups of women at your take drinking cheap fizz at exorbitant margins.

I guess for you OP it would be where you draw a hard line. The thought of a husband sat drunk, facilitating this with huge sums of money and jizzing his pants would give me the ick personally. How do you feel about it?

When you say you saw a stain do you mean a cum stain or just random stain
😭

Long term stripper here.
From the numbers you've said it looks as if the smaller amounts are for drinks and maybe snacks and the larger amounts are for dancers/vip rooms
If you pm me which clubs I may know them (have worked all over the country).
What I'm saying is you can quite easily spend that amount on 'just' dances. He may not have done anything else. I do understand why you'd think he may have gone further though.

Those are huge amounts for dances. A dance is about 20-40 quid for the normal, 2 minutes of someone shaking their boobs near your face. What he's paid for is the special private extra treatment shit. The fact he's stained his pants says its not a normal dance. No one "finishes" after 2 minutes of seeing boobs.

I don't know what I'd do tbh. He's have some serious grovelling and making up to do at the very least.