Can someone give a handhold? Partner tried to ruin my trip

[Random100]

Partner has a habit of ruining things. Any special occasion he kicks off to try and spoil it. He’s very childish in nature, tantrums a lot etc etc. I know I need to leave him.

I have been staying at his for a few days so has a few belongings at his. I’m off on holiday this morning with a friend and he’s been kicking off in the lead up to it. He has said multiple times he would take me to the airport, I paid for a tank full of fuel this evening as it’s double the distance that my house is from the airport.

He’s been making snide comments that I must hate him this evening. I went to bed early to try and get some sleep and he joined me not long after. All of a sudden he launched out of bed, screamed at me that I was making him physically uncomfortable in bed and stormed off, shouting his head off. I was in tears at this point.

He has just declared I must go to the airport by myself now and that he’s not taking me. He wants my belongings out the house too.

Sat in tears looking at an Uber costing me 90 quid.

OP . . . please confide in someone at work, preferably your manager if you feel able. One of my colleagues had a scenario not dissimilar to yours and their manager was brilliant. He alerted the receptionists to the issue (without telling them which member of staff was involved), gave them instructions for what to do if the man arrived in reception and asked them to monitor the car park cameras for anyone sitting in a car in the carpark. He also arranged for those of us who shared an office with the lady to accompany her to and from her car and text her to check that all was well at home.

Really sorry to say this but you'll need to be on your guard for some time to come. Wishing you the best, stay strong and safe 💐

Leave him.

Some people actually need conflict to feel safe. He sounds like one of them.

Let him sort his issues out on his own time, not yours.

My toddlers used to scream and scream when I was off to work in the morning and leaving them with my Mum. As soon as I'd left they would immediately stop and crack on, having a wonderful day, as they knew it hadn't worked and I'd already gone. This sounds like the grown man version of that. Run away!

Wow, what a nightmare, OP.

You're doing brilliantly, and I hope they're being supportive at work. I had tremendous support from my employer when a boyfriend I had dumped got a bit stalkerish. (They reallocated work all round the team so that I would never be where he might expect me to be.)

This man should come with a warning tattooed on him somewhere, for the protection of other women.

Please do tell your work. And your family, and your friends. People will not judge you, they will want to help and protect you.

I'm glad you are back from your holiday and safe at your friend's place.
Keep him blocked on everything and definitely tell work what's been happening. He may well pitch up at your work one day and you want work to see him off the premises asap.
If you've not shared those photos of what he's done to his phone and kitchen etc with the police please do. It'll hopefully help with building a picture for future Claire's law queries. He's an emotionally abusive, manipulative person with violent tendencies.
Also, please chat with women's aid about making a safety plan. Keep yourself safe and if in doubt, phone the police so they can hear what's going on (and I think they record calls to 111).

Speak to the police about getting your stuff back, they will accompany you to his address and make sure things don't kick off, while you get all your things.

Tell HR. I work in HR and had a similar situation recently (my relative’s abusive ex didn’t like that I was helping her prosecute him so tried to embarrass me at work). It was an empty threat but the site manager would have quietly called the police if he had shown up.

Just wanted to wish you the very best. What a frightening situation. You are doing the right thing and it sounds like you have some lovely supportive friends around you. Stay safe and stay strong. x

If they know he is now your ex they won’t provide the report due to GDPR. Absolutely shocking and completely wrong IMO. Just been through this with a relative. Social Services referred to the Claire’s law report but couldn’t share what was on it, other than if we knew then we would know what a luck escape she had. If she had been considering going back to him they would have provided it then and apparently it would have changed her mind.

But neither police nor social services would share the report due to them having split over an incident.

You’ve done all the right things. Don’t worry about work at all. Most places have policies so we can support staff experiencing domestic violence (because that is exactly what you are experiencing). It is more common than you realise X

8 months you’d been together and this ‘man’ thinks his behaviour is a proportionate response? He is beyond dangerous can you imagine what he would have been like longer term? In time OP you’ll feel like you’ve had the luckiest escape

Gosh I really hope that's the last you hear of him OP. What a vile human being he is.

I wonder if he was lying about savings and actual was on benefits and the having two phones thing dealing drugs.

Stay safe.
If you speak to the mutual friend again persuade him to talk to the police aswell.
Also let your work know you are being threatened and give them your police crime number.
Well done, you've taken a brave step to remove yourself from this man. You deserve better, you are a lot stronger than you think. ❤️

Sorry, this is utterly hopeless. Leave.

Has he turned up at your flat? Is your flatmate ok?
I'd stay where you are for longer - a week if you can. He sounds unhinged and unpredictable, angry and violent. Your top priority is keeping yourself safe OP.

Read the damn thread. At least the first and last page

Or at least the OPs's posts.

Leave and don't come back. That is awful, feel really sorry for you.

Good luck. Try to get an appointment to go to the police station in person to arrange a proper statement.

@Vonesk Really?? Have you actually read this thread??? 'Be Kind'???? That man is an abuser and a narcissist, and OP is lucky to have escaped his clutches. Don't be an enabler. And who on earth talks about 'securing' another human as if that is a healthy thing????

So an update. He has given our mutual friend my belongings to pass onto me. I am glad I will at least have them but he is blocked and will remain blocked forever. Not sure if he’s trying to play the nice guy act to reel me back in! I have a feeling he knows the threats aren’t working so is now trying to play nice.

All the threats of him throwing my belongings into the entrance of my workplace were a load of shit then.

Work have been informed and they have been great.

So pleased you are getting your stuff back without having to see him. Keep strong, don’t back down, keep him blocked and don’t communicate with him ever again in any form. Onwards and upwards for you x

That's a brilliant update, OP

Just to repeat what I said earlier, that you'll have to be on your guard for some time to come

Take care, stay strong and stay safe 💐

Well done, OP.