Can someone give a handhold? Partner tried to ruin my trip

[Random100]

Partner has a habit of ruining things. Any special occasion he kicks off to try and spoil it. He’s very childish in nature, tantrums a lot etc etc. I know I need to leave him.

I have been staying at his for a few days so has a few belongings at his. I’m off on holiday this morning with a friend and he’s been kicking off in the lead up to it. He has said multiple times he would take me to the airport, I paid for a tank full of fuel this evening as it’s double the distance that my house is from the airport.

He’s been making snide comments that I must hate him this evening. I went to bed early to try and get some sleep and he joined me not long after. All of a sudden he launched out of bed, screamed at me that I was making him physically uncomfortable in bed and stormed off, shouting his head off. I was in tears at this point.

He has just declared I must go to the airport by myself now and that he’s not taking me. He wants my belongings out the house too.

Sat in tears looking at an Uber costing me 90 quid.

As much as him going to your work is the last thing you want, focus on the positives. The more things he does to make himself looks mentally unstable, the easier he's making it for you and the police.

Agree with PPs gather as much evidence as possible and keep all the texts/photos/voice notes.

Obvs police are aware of him from previous noise complaints (and no doubt it's not the only thing!). The fact the neighbours have called the police when he's home alone also goes to show them that he's the one with the issues.

Agree with the PP, the police will be aware from the neighbours what his behaviour has been like. The neighbours will have heard him smashing up his house, (when you were out of the country) hardly your fault. Hopefully the police are involved, is he likely to turn up at yours a d kick off?

If you have a sympathetic manager, I would warn them that he has threatened to turn up to work “humiliate you”.

I recently saw some old colleagues at a get together and my lovely old manager told me that an ex of mine turned up at work and did something crazyish that I didn’t know about (I used to swap between two nearby work sites so I must have been at the other one). This explains at the time why a colleague who lived a few streets from me and said that he and his wife would offer me a refuge at their house for a few days if I needed it. So everyone must have known apart from me about his “visit”!

It all quickly came to a head when Ex had a psychotic episode when I was on a work trip and he ended up in a mental hospital (I was dropping him off at his home on the way but he refused to get out of the car and had a psychotic turn in a Premier Inn car park with Police called.

You definitely need to call and speak to the police today. Tell them what he's said about coming to your work, killing himself etc. They'll take it seriously.

If only I had involved the Police sooner.

Self care is the thing here. It doesn’t matter about him at all. Report him and be protected.

Block his number and enjoy your holiday. What a prick.

You realise that he will never totally go away, but you need to put him out of your mind and move on, he’s not your problem.

Over 25 years later I get the odd email (to an old address I check sporadically) accusing me of being a bitch etc and he rants away on twitter using my maiden name - could never say/write my surname correctly but gets it exactly right on twitter but he has so few followers so who sees it!

I saw his sister on a tube platform and she glared at me but I was thinking that his sister was the one who smoked skunk with him and supplied him with it that exacerbated his mental health issues, not me.

You've had some fantastic advice OP from the wise women here, please take it.
I just wanted to point out that, apart from him telling you so, I don't think you have any independent evidence the police have been called on him by the neighbours, do you?
This could all be more nonsense attention seeking by him.
So please DO contact the police today, describe all the threats and that you are extremely scared, start your story from the beginning and do not make any assumption that they are already aware of who he is and have paid him a visit.
I'd bet money they don't and haven't.

Good luck with it all

I know the neighbours have called the police regarding him before as the police called him and he kicked off, he ended up passing the phone to me and I spoke to the officer on his behalf whilst he was raging. This must have been about two months ago now. The officer did explain to me that the neighbours had reported that they could hear loud music, screaming and shouting and threats to harm them through the walls! This all happened whilst I was not there.

From what my now ex boyfriend has told me the neighbours have made multiple complaints regarding noise to the police and council so he is definitely on their systems.

'Now look what you made me do.'

'No-one will ever love you like I do'.

'I'll kill myself'.

All classic abuser techniques from The Script.

The vampire is having a tantrum because his property, his source of food, has taken herself away from his control. Nothing to feed on.

Keep the messages and the pictures. They're evidence.

Your friend is brilliant. So good you have someone who knows all about it and is offering you a place. And great you have your own home.

Are you in contact with those neighbours? Might be wise to check in with them.

The police will now be very aware of him.

Try calling 112 and explaining the situation, what he's done and what he's threatening. You have escaped a coercively controlling abusive relationship and your ex has turned violent, destructive and is threatening to kill himself. He has used a hammer to destroy property, and that is a step towards using it on you.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/999-and-112-the-uks-national-emergency-numbers

Let your old stuff go. There's shops.

Next, email your manager and explain exactly what's happened. Helping and supporting you is literally part of their job.

And block.

🫂

I am so so very glad I took my work belongings with me, even if I did have to lug them to Spain! I know if I had left them he would have used that as a way to try and see me again

@Random100 Does he own the flat or rent it?

I agree with many PP’s here about him losing his supply and he has now turned to narcissistic rage.

The blaming you, threatening to kill himself etc is textbook abuser behaviour (he won’t kill himself. It’s all a ploy to get your sympathy and reel you back in).

Definitely contact the police and report him for his abusive and threatening behaviour.
Hard as it maybe, do try and inform someone at your work. If they are aware of him and he did turn up (he probably won’t though), it’s extra witnesses and evidence for you for the police. In addition to giving you some reassurance that work have your back and will get rid of him. If they are aware of the situation they can support you and help keep you safe.

Have you thought about putting in an info request under Clare’s Law? His behaviour tells me you won’t be the first woman he’s done this to.

He would have smashed up your work laptop for sure.

He rents it. This might be a bit outing but he’s being evicted and is having on and off drama with his landlord who wants him out to sell the property. He has overstayed the date his section 21 states so landlord is now serving court papers

Yes definitely. I could imagine him making me plead not to!

Bloody hell have you had a lucky escape.

You really have. He sounds completely off his rocker.

He has been accusing his landlord of this that and the other to try and stay in the flat. Landlord has done everything correctly however whenever I’ve said this to him he’s flown off the handle so I decided not to involve myself in it anymore. He has nowhere else to go because he thinks he’ll get to stay in the flat. I have offered multiple times to help him with viewings and finding something suitable but he’s turned me down at every opportunity. It’s blown up in his face

This gets worse with every update. Did you meet him online, I can imagine him pulling the wool over your eyes to make himself look good and then all this crap trickling out during the relationship.

Yep met on tinder! He was absolutely lovely at first, but they always are aren’t they! Couldn’t do enough for me.

I think the real him started to show about 5 months into the relationship so about three months ago. Silly me should have walked out then.

This thread shows my mind wasn’t crazy and that my gut feeling was right and I should have listened

Don't worry OP, so many of us have been there including me. Do listen to the wise advice of people on here and don't leave yourself vulnerable x

@Random100

At least you know now what he’s like.

I agree with a PP’s suggestion of getting a Ring or Blink doorbell if you haven’t already got one.