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Original poster

Can someone give a handhold? Partner tried to ruin my trip

1000 replies

Random100 · 03/05/2024 01:31

Partner has a habit of ruining things. Any special occasion he kicks off to try and spoil it. He’s very childish in nature, tantrums a lot etc etc. I know I need to leave him.

I have been staying at his for a few days so has a few belongings at his. I’m off on holiday this morning with a friend and he’s been kicking off in the lead up to it. He has said multiple times he would take me to the airport, I paid for a tank full of fuel this evening as it’s double the distance that my house is from the airport.

He’s been making snide comments that I must hate him this evening. I went to bed early to try and get some sleep and he joined me not long after. All of a sudden he launched out of bed, screamed at me that I was making him physically uncomfortable in bed and stormed off, shouting his head off. I was in tears at this point.

He has just declared I must go to the airport by myself now and that he’s not taking me. He wants my belongings out the house too.

Sat in tears looking at an Uber costing me 90 quid.

OP posts:
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10
MzHz · 06/05/2024 23:36

Be calm, this is abusive twat 101. They all do this shit. It’s boringly predictable

Original poster
Random100 · 06/05/2024 23:37

CharlotteLightandDark · 06/05/2024 22:39

do you have the contacts of any family members? Am going to make the assumption he doesn’t have close friends.

if so I’d send a quick message to his mum or someone and fully bow out.

He’s alienated all his family and none of them have anything to do with him anymore sadly.

OP posts:
Spinningroundahelix · 06/05/2024 23:40

Block him. Who cares if he's smashed up his flat and is going to kill himself? An abusive ex of mine once threatened suicide and I told him to go ahead. You know what, 30 years later he's still alive and kicking. Apparently, he never forgave me. I knew he had no intention whatsoever of doing it. (He was not a vulnerable teen with mental health issues.) It was just another attempt to reel me back in). These men get desperate when they realise the prey is about to escape. If you were kinder than me you might arrange a welfare check and then ust cut this man out of your life - next time it might be you and your home this awful man smashes up. This man has sucked the joy out of your life for far too long.

Changingplace · 06/05/2024 23:42

Random100 · 06/05/2024 23:37

He’s alienated all his family and none of them have anything to do with him anymore sadly.

Show quote history

Well doesn’t that say it all.

Don’t engage with him any more, let him smash hit flat up, his problem not yours.

Pinkbonbon · 06/05/2024 23:42

"Alegedly" smashed up his flat and his phone, I would say.

Not your circus op! Just don't give him the time of day anymore. Email your boss to let them know the situation so if he shows up he can get his arse arrested.

You agre getting sucked back in op. Remeber how we told you they don't give you space to think because they don't want you to have a clear head?

Like a sort of reverse love bombing. A hate bombing. A torrent of abuse designed to keep you in fight or flight mode until you burn out.

You need to cut all contact. I'd suggest changing your number if possible. Don't answer calls from unknown numbers.

I know there's a 'I want to know what hes thinking ' feeling. But never, ever reply to him again op. You were doing brilliantly, you can again. This is just a blip. Tomorrow is a new day.

gindreams · 06/05/2024 23:47

Report him to police for harassment and don't ever engage with him again

whitebreadjamsandwich · 07/05/2024 00:15

Random100 · 06/05/2024 23:37

He’s alienated all his family and none of them have anything to do with him anymore sadly.

Show quote history

Not sadly....they've had a lucky escape as have you. Let him shout rant and threaten....it's all fucking hot air. Stay strong and ignore what is the equivalent of a toddler tantrum - do not be sucked back in

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 07/05/2024 00:18

He sounds like an absolute madman! And how stupid do you have to be to smash up your own shit? Call the cops, and never engage with this dangerous man again.

Happyasapiginmuck1 · 07/05/2024 00:33

If your friend was telling you all this about her boyfriend, you'd be telling her to run for the hills! Keep yourself safe by keeping as far away from him as possible. Belongings can be replaced. You have escaped, this is the beginning of your new life. Definitely do the Freedom Programme.

KellyMaureen · 07/05/2024 00:41

Jesus Christ I have just read all of this thread from start to finish. It's got worse since I first read it on Friday (I think it was). What a completely appalling man. He sounds like a total psycho. Refuse to engage with him no matter how he ramps up the threats. Block on all platforms. Get a ring doorbell and a new lock. Ignore the scumbag and report all of this to the police online just so it's on their radar if he turns up at your place of work or your house and causes trouble.

Mmhmmn · 07/05/2024 00:46

When you leave for the airport, take everything you need and do not ever go back to his place. And end it. Preferably from afar. Completely batshit bastard. Life is too short OP.

CheekyHobson · 07/05/2024 00:47

Random100 · 06/05/2024 22:47

He is now threatening to turn up at my work and throw my belongings there. In his words he wants to humiliate me.

Ignore. He’s not going to do that but even if he did, the only person he would humiliate is himself.

Original poster
Random100 · 07/05/2024 01:09

I have no idea where he’s getting these new numbers from but I’ve just received a random WhatsApp photo from an unknown number. It’s a photo of a smashed up iPhone which is his and another photo of his kitchen completely smashed up, as in cupboards smashed, cutlery everywhere, plates and cups smashed to pieces on the floor. He has also added the words ‘look what you made me do, this is your fault’

I have been chatting to my friend and we are going to the police once we’re back in the UK. I have responded to his photo message stating that I do not wish to hear from him again so that it is in writing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Random100 · 07/05/2024 01:14

I just would like to say thank you to you all. I have been terrified this evening and really appreciate the handhold throughout this shit show.

OP posts:
MonsteraMama · 07/05/2024 01:29

I'm sorry he's doing this to you. You know none of this is your fault of course, and he's having this hissy fit specifically because he can feel you slipping out of his control. Keep going, don't let him win.

Is there anyone from work you can send a text or WhatsApp to just to give them a heads up? I doubt he'd actually go in and throw your stuff around but just so they're aware you've got a crazy person threatening you, that way they can just phone the police if he turns up. The only person he'd be humiliating is himself anyway, having a temper tantrum like that as a grown adult.

I hope you've had a lovely holiday, and try not to let this incident tonight put a shadow over the whole trip. That's sort of what he wants. Every message you get just screenshot, save and then block that number. Don't respond to him again or engage at all.

Original poster
Random100 · 07/05/2024 01:32

MonsteraMama · 07/05/2024 01:29

I'm sorry he's doing this to you. You know none of this is your fault of course, and he's having this hissy fit specifically because he can feel you slipping out of his control. Keep going, don't let him win.

Is there anyone from work you can send a text or WhatsApp to just to give them a heads up? I doubt he'd actually go in and throw your stuff around but just so they're aware you've got a crazy person threatening you, that way they can just phone the police if he turns up. The only person he'd be humiliating is himself anyway, having a temper tantrum like that as a grown adult.

I hope you've had a lovely holiday, and try not to let this incident tonight put a shadow over the whole trip. That's sort of what he wants. Every message you get just screenshot, save and then block that number. Don't respond to him again or engage at all.

I am humiliated at potentially having to alert them to the situation, I like to keep my private and work life separate and this is mortifying me, the thought of him turning up and throwing my things in the entrance. Thank God my work is behind doors that can only be opened with fobs etc so he can’t just storm in like he’s threatening to.

The holiday has been lovely! I needed the break and it’s been so so nice to just have some peace and quiet without him. It’s definitely cleared my head and I am one hundred percent certain I never want to see him again.

OP posts:
SpringLobelia · 07/05/2024 05:53

You should alert your workplace- if he kicks off they need fair warning.

Definitely a good idea to go to the police.

He's got some serious history there- neighbours call the police because of his behaviour; he's alienated all his friends and family; etc. Smashed things up and sent you threats and pictures from new numbers when you have blocked him. The police will know exactly the sort of person they are dealing with.

You don't say how old he is but I am assuming he behaves like this when any relationship breaks down. He may well be VERY known to the police already.

isthismylifenow · 07/05/2024 05:54

He's not going to take your things to work. As it just him that is going to look the fool. It's a threat. A way to keep you hanging, and affecting you. And he is getting his way as he had ruined your last night.

As I posted upthread, do not feed this. Do not react. Definitely do not call anyone as you are 'worried' about him. That is what he wants. Your attention. In whatever form.

The bonus of his behaviour is that you get to see his true colours loud and clear. Why should you care that he's smashed up his phone and house? They aren't your belongings and it's only he who will suffer for it. Just imagine if you were in the house during this tantrum. In afraid it's you who may well have been the target.

Someone upthread suggested how to block all numbers not in your contacts. Do this. Or when you can back get another number on a temporary basis. And why are you answering his calls?

If you are going to the police, do it as a log for yourself. Not as giving them a heads up about his welfare.

.

Sparklfairy · 07/05/2024 05:56

I am humiliated at potentially having to alert them to the situation, I like to keep my private and work life separate and this is mortifying me, the thought of him turning up and throwing my things in the entrance.

He probably knows how much this would humiliate and upset you, so that's why he's said it. Does he know about the fob entry? I suspect this is another escalation but he won't actually turn up ranting and raving. Look back at how this has progressed:

He’s now texting me apologising and asking why I got an Uber to the airport. He has said he will return my belongings to me when I return but I am angry right now and pissed off at his behaviour. He keeps saying he loves me too.

So a neighbour apparently called the police last night after hearing me cry and him screaming. She was concerned for my welfare. This is all told in a text message by him though

He has form for this too and has sent a text today saying he doesn’t want to be alive anymore.

So he starts off nicey-nicey (classic) then comes with the drama and supposed police, then with the suicide threat. Then smashing his phone and making a point of letting you know through other numbers.

My feeling is police need to know asap, work do not. He's out of control and if he turned up at your work screaming and making a scene the police would be called anyway. I am concerned about the scale of his tantrum though, and I'm not sure blocking him is the best thing to do - you're blocking evidence that you might need later.

You need to plan how to keep yourself safe. As soon as you're back in the country I can almost guarantee he'll be turning up at places - anywhere in public where you routinely go. Especially if that's the sort of thing that will embarrass you - so he would lurk outside your work/gym/supermarket and catch you going in, but you don't want to cause a scene so you engage with him.

I don't want to scare you but this has stalker written all over it.

Sceptical123 · 07/05/2024 06:09

Sparklfairy · 07/05/2024 05:56

I am humiliated at potentially having to alert them to the situation, I like to keep my private and work life separate and this is mortifying me, the thought of him turning up and throwing my things in the entrance.

He probably knows how much this would humiliate and upset you, so that's why he's said it. Does he know about the fob entry? I suspect this is another escalation but he won't actually turn up ranting and raving. Look back at how this has progressed:

He’s now texting me apologising and asking why I got an Uber to the airport. He has said he will return my belongings to me when I return but I am angry right now and pissed off at his behaviour. He keeps saying he loves me too.

So a neighbour apparently called the police last night after hearing me cry and him screaming. She was concerned for my welfare. This is all told in a text message by him though

He has form for this too and has sent a text today saying he doesn’t want to be alive anymore.

So he starts off nicey-nicey (classic) then comes with the drama and supposed police, then with the suicide threat. Then smashing his phone and making a point of letting you know through other numbers.

My feeling is police need to know asap, work do not. He's out of control and if he turned up at your work screaming and making a scene the police would be called anyway. I am concerned about the scale of his tantrum though, and I'm not sure blocking him is the best thing to do - you're blocking evidence that you might need later.

You need to plan how to keep yourself safe. As soon as you're back in the country I can almost guarantee he'll be turning up at places - anywhere in public where you routinely go. Especially if that's the sort of thing that will embarrass you - so he would lurk outside your work/gym/supermarket and catch you going in, but you don't want to cause a scene so you engage with him.

I don't want to scare you but this has stalker written all over it.

Edited

Yes, he’s a real physical threat to OP and I’m worried too. Ppl like him don’t like to be ignored. How hideous for you, I’m so sorry.

He’s anidiot for sending you the photos, they’re great police evidence for showing how un-hinged he is, and fact he’s blaming you. This has got stalker with threat of violence written all over it I’m afraid.

Glad you’re staying with your friend for a bit, it’s hideous that he is still able to control your life even when you are no longer together! So glad you’ve seen him for what he is and have called time on this abhorrent behaviour.

Good luck OP x

Icantrememberthename · 07/05/2024 06:15

In a way OP it’s good it’s happened like this and that you are on holiday because my fear is that if you’d ended it and you were there, you would be the kitchen and he’d be blaming you for the battering you’d taken. He is dangerous.

He’s threatening to kill himself and take your stuff to your work. Well he can’t do both.

Please please do alert the police, like you’ve said, when you get back. They need to know he’s a risk to you. Do stay with your friend for a while, stay with others to, try not to go back for a while. When you do have someone stay with you for a while.

Stay alert.

Thank your lucky stars you’ve gotten out before you got physically hurt because I’m pretty sure you’d be at risk of physical harm if you’d stayed with him.

BelindaOkra · 07/05/2024 06:23

I doubt he’ll go to your work.

Report to the police. You may be able to do it via their email - and send screenshots. They’ll take a while but will ring you back. If you get scared for your safety ring 999.

And yes do the freedom programme, so many red flags in his behaviour. You don’t want to end up in another relationship like this.

ThePoshUns · 07/05/2024 06:52

Most police forces have a Facebook page where you can message through there. Send a brief summary and ask if you can have an appointment when you get back to speak to an officer. Stay safe OP he really sounds like a dangerous man.

SheilaFentiman · 07/05/2024 06:57

“You agre getting sucked back in op. Remeber how we told you they don't give you space to think because they don't want you to have a clear head?

Like a sort of reverse love bombing. A hate bombing. A torrent of abuse designed to keep you in fight or flight mode until you burn out. “

this is really perceptive, thank you

Original poster
Random100 · 07/05/2024 07:06

I think my local police force have an online form for reporting issues like this, however I am doing it to have a record of his behaviour rather than to make them aware of his welfare because quite frankly his welfare is the last thing on my mind now.

OP posts:
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