Can someone give a handhold? Partner tried to ruin my trip

[Random100]

Partner has a habit of ruining things. Any special occasion he kicks off to try and spoil it. He’s very childish in nature, tantrums a lot etc etc. I know I need to leave him.

I have been staying at his for a few days so has a few belongings at his. I’m off on holiday this morning with a friend and he’s been kicking off in the lead up to it. He has said multiple times he would take me to the airport, I paid for a tank full of fuel this evening as it’s double the distance that my house is from the airport.

He’s been making snide comments that I must hate him this evening. I went to bed early to try and get some sleep and he joined me not long after. All of a sudden he launched out of bed, screamed at me that I was making him physically uncomfortable in bed and stormed off, shouting his head off. I was in tears at this point.

He has just declared I must go to the airport by myself now and that he’s not taking me. He wants my belongings out the house too.

Sat in tears looking at an Uber costing me 90 quid.

I would be very very wary of calling police now. I'd go into the station on my return. If he has an inkling that the OP appears worried about it, it just feeds his desperate need for supply. It's best ignored and dealt with on return (purely for her safety, not his).

Report online.

You can also forward the screenshots to the police online.

do you have the contacts of any family members? Am going to make the assumption he doesn’t have close friends.

if so I’d send a quick message to his mum or someone and fully bow out.

When you go on holiday don't go back to him, he's a controlling nut job and if you go back you want your head tested.
He will always be like this and he will get worse, go on holiday enjoy time with your friend and block him

Years ago I left my abusive ex, he threatened to kill himself then went completely silent. Backfired when my best friend called an ambulance to his house & he was sat drinking a cup of tea, he was fined I believe. He won’t do that again.

He is now threatening to turn up at my work and throw my belongings there. In his words he wants to humiliate me.

Why haven't you blocked him again?

OP, I think you need a restraining order against this man. I'd report him now.

Please log this with the police. The only person he'll be embarrassing is himself anyway.

You're just feeding the drama by letting him contact you. Block him, and if he finds a way to get through to you again, don't engage.

Do not reply to him. Please. Block him on everything. If he turns up at your workplace to throw things at you, he'll be the one who will appear ridiculous. It might, however, be worth mentioning to reception/security/manager etc. as appropriate that he's a potential threat...

Do NOT engage with him

Grey rock him. Do not get into a texting match. Ignore him and he will blow himself out as rage is not that sustainable. Definitely report him to the police so there is a record and hopefully they will go and speak to him

So he’s not killed himself then 🙄

OP you need another holiday to get over the drama of this one. I'm glad you found out now that he's a crackpot before you moved in or something. How did you meet this specimen @Random100 ?

Yeah, he's not going to end his own life.

Block him now.

When you get home call/email your boss and explain that your relationship has ended and your ex is threatening to come to your place of work. They might not be able to stop him but they can be forewarned and take action as soon as he is seen.

Then you call the police (not 999) and tell them what has happened and that you are concerned for your safety. Tell them of his threats to turn up at work, give them the address (as well as your home address) and they might be able to put a flag against it in case you call them to say he has turned up.

None of this is your fault. Odds are he’s all mouth and no trousers and I highly doubt he’s smashed up his own property - for a start the neighbours will have heard the noise and potentially called the police.

Pop into the police with your friend when you get back. I think with all your recent updates, they will want to speak to him. And hopefully warn him off.

Also tell your work that you've broke up with an abuser so they can keep an eye out for you. Do they have security? Chances are he won't go there as it would make him look like a nutter. But have colleagues walk you to your car for a while just incase maybe.

Mostly they are all talk (in public anyway) but dont be slow to show him you'll happily go to the police if there's any nonsense. Authority is often the only thing that scares these fuckers off.

You need to get yourself out of this drama triangle asap. That means blocking, not responding to messages, not giving him time to talk your ear off. In unblocking him you’re inviting his desperate attempts to get you back or punish you. You need to have better boundaries with yourself and him. Stop any form of contact and report this to the police as soon as you can.

This is when you report his threats to the police, as soon as possible. He is a coward and a liar. This is coercive control and it's against the law.

Absolutely this. Don’t give him the oxygen of attention. He can’t ruin your holiday unless you allow him to which by unblocking him have.

Whether intentionally or not you’re fuelling the drama. Block and grey rock. Firm boundaries and don’t let them drop. He’s a cunt

I didn’t block him on his other number until just now because I was receiving strings of text messages just going crazy at me. He’s now blocked but he’s ruined my evening.

I have been called every name under the sun, he’s apparently going to kill himself, he is going to my work tomorrow apparently to throw my belongings there. He wants to humiliate me at work.

He also blamed me for the reason he smashed his flat up and has also blamed me for him smashing his phone to smithereens.

Great, is he blaming you for him being a total prick?

just block, don’t bother with him at all again, don’t give him any attention whatsoever.

he’s tried to ruin your holiday, don’t give him the satisfaction

@Random100

Start a log of these calls, jot down details of the 'conversation'. If your friend heard the calls, have her write her own memory of what he said. Screen capture your call log showing the numbers. Screen shot messages. At this point it's about creating a 'trail'. You may need this if his behaviour escalates.

Go online to your local police station, see if there's any way you can make a report online to get the ball rolling. I don't know about 'international calling', but call as soon as you are back in the UK and are in a place to have a conversation. I think it's doubly important that you spend a few days with your friend. And if possible, when you do head home is there someone who can drive by and give you an 'all's clear' before you arrive? Or better yet, be there when you get home.

Question: does he know your return flight? If so and you are concerned he may show up at the airport, you may want to alert the flight crew that you are concerned that an abusive exP knows that you are on the flight and may be there waiting. They may be able to contact airport security for an escort.

Whether or not you want to alert your workplace is up to you, you know the dynamics there.

You'll get through this.