Can someone give a handhold? Partner tried to ruin my trip

[Random100]

Partner has a habit of ruining things. Any special occasion he kicks off to try and spoil it. He’s very childish in nature, tantrums a lot etc etc. I know I need to leave him.

I have been staying at his for a few days so has a few belongings at his. I’m off on holiday this morning with a friend and he’s been kicking off in the lead up to it. He has said multiple times he would take me to the airport, I paid for a tank full of fuel this evening as it’s double the distance that my house is from the airport.

He’s been making snide comments that I must hate him this evening. I went to bed early to try and get some sleep and he joined me not long after. All of a sudden he launched out of bed, screamed at me that I was making him physically uncomfortable in bed and stormed off, shouting his head off. I was in tears at this point.

He has just declared I must go to the airport by myself now and that he’s not taking me. He wants my belongings out the house too.

Sat in tears looking at an Uber costing me 90 quid.

Good for you OP!

Eight months is much easier than longer, if you had lived together or got pregnant. I was in a relationship for years like this. I eventually ran away one night when the police arrested him for shouting and threatening to kill me (neighbours reported it). Left me with debts as he wrecked the flat (rented and in my name) when I wouldn't come back. I took a rucksack of clothes and stayed in a hostel for weeks. He cut all my clothes and shredded my passport. I was totally alone.

Had all the usual things said to me like you have. I was headfucked for a while as I was totally brainwashed.

I have a lovely free life now and a beautiful partner. Keep strong and keep him blocked.

Good luck, OP!

@Random100

No one is going to tell you off for what you did in the past. I quote this all the time: "You did then what you knew how to do. Now that you know better, you'll do better". We all make mistakes. And in the end, nothing is really a mistake as long as we learn from it.

Chances are as time passes more and more shit he pulled will pop into your head and chances are you'll think something 'negative' about yourself. Sometimes 'saying it out loud' (ie posting it here) can help you put it in its proper place. The next little while will be a time of thoughts, reflections, anger, sorrow, and 1000 other emotions. Just love yourself and ride that tide until it brings you to shore.

And a big YES to spending a few days with your friend when you get back. Oh, and get a Ring doorbell. They're invaluable.

That must be a relief!

Can your friend collect your things from him?

I really think it would be best for you not to have to see him again.

He really doesn't deserve a respectable face to face break up after how he's behaved.

Well done, OP. Stay well clear of him and look into counselling or a programme to see why you ended up with another man like this and couldn't 'see' it. Good luck to you going forward.

He’s just called me from his other phone whose number I forgot to block.

He has gone absolutely insane, he’s smashed up his flat and has smashed his main phone with a hammer.

He has told me to ‘fuck off’ if I ever think I’m getting my belongings back.

He has also said he’s off to kill himself.

Apparently it’s all my fault.

I'd keep a log of any calls and texts going forward. You're well shot of him!

Call the police to do a welfare check but it’s not your responsibility. He’s an adult and he has been verbally abusive.

@Random100
Please just don't ever contact him again. Whatever is left at his house, is not worth your safety or sanity.

Definitely look at the freedom programme and read books on self esteem and what to look for in good partners as you don't want to keep repeating picking dickhead men.

Good luck OP. You have taken some massive positive steps forward.

Don't answer any phone numbers you don't recognise. He really is an appalling person

If any of what he's just told you is true, his poor neighbours will probably have reported him again, but you could log a call online with your local police force, after which you block all unknown numbers.

All he's trying to do is ensure he ruins your holiday by keeping all your focus on him. He is not your responsibility.

Screenshot everything and send it to your own email for safe keeping.

Report the self harm and destruction of your property to the police.

You need to keep yourself safe and you might need this evidence for the future.

Smashing things up means he is having very strong violent fantasies and you might be next.

I'm sorry, things are getting scary @Random100

Don't let him weaken your resolve though, he's just trying to play you. If you have any real worries report him for a welfare check.

Stay safe💐

I would report to the police. It's not your fault.

Oh jeez. I’m glad you are hundreds of miles away.

It's not all your fault. At all.

He's obviously a very dangerous character. His brain is this unable to cope with seeing that he's the agent of his own misfortune that it may have caused a temporary psychosis.

If you're on an android phone, find this screen in your settings. You can then set it so that no one can withhold their number to call you and also so that no one can call you from a number that isn't saved in your contacts already.

Is there a way to call the British police from Spain?

He has utterly ruined the last night of this trip.

You should be able to Google the number for your local police station/force.
Try not to let it ruin your last night any more. He's probably not smashed anything up, he's saying it to get into your head and to make you feel bad. Don't let him be in your brain rent free. He doesn't deserve it.

Google the number of the police force and dial it with 0044 at the beginning, dropping the first 0 at the beginning of the British number.

I’ve been through this with my ex-husband.

The smashing things up, the calls, the faux suicide attempts.

I wouldn’t call the police. He’ll know you’re worried and then mock you for calling the police and make you feel like shit for it.

He’s a big boy. He knows how to call an ambulance if he needs once.

Fuck him.

Tell us about Spain and your lovely holiday.

What about when you get back? Make some plans. Even if it’s just some redecorating. Keep occupied.

Agree with the suggestions to request a welfare check on him. If nothing else, it flags up to the police that he's volatile now, while you're out of the country. That means that if he does kick off once you come back, they've got a record of it for you to refer back to. Other than that, do not engage with him, block anywhere and everywhere and enjoy your break.

Hold strong.
it might be worth calling - the police but make sure they realise you are primarily worried for your own safety

I wouldn't ring the police either and if he has done all that, I'm sure the neighbours have. When you get back, I'd go to the police for some advice. Forget the stuff you left behind, it's replaceable. I'd consider a Ring doorbell and perhaps take that offer up of staying with friend for a few days so you can get yourself sorted out.

He's realised he's lost his "supply" and this is narcissistic rage. Vile man.