Can someone give a handhold? Partner tried to ruin my trip

[Random100]

Partner has a habit of ruining things. Any special occasion he kicks off to try and spoil it. He’s very childish in nature, tantrums a lot etc etc. I know I need to leave him.

I have been staying at his for a few days so has a few belongings at his. I’m off on holiday this morning with a friend and he’s been kicking off in the lead up to it. He has said multiple times he would take me to the airport, I paid for a tank full of fuel this evening as it’s double the distance that my house is from the airport.

He’s been making snide comments that I must hate him this evening. I went to bed early to try and get some sleep and he joined me not long after. All of a sudden he launched out of bed, screamed at me that I was making him physically uncomfortable in bed and stormed off, shouting his head off. I was in tears at this point.

He has just declared I must go to the airport by myself now and that he’s not taking me. He wants my belongings out the house too.

Sat in tears looking at an Uber costing me 90 quid.

I still have a list in my phone notes of things my wanker ex did and how it made me feel, every time he attempted some kind of communication I read it. It helped me when I remembered nice parts, felt like maybe I missed him and wondered if it was really that bad and felt like I might have been in the wrong, bullet points, remember he did xyz and you felt xyz. Even now years later I keep it to remind me the bullshit I put up with and not to let that happen again with anyone.
I have a lovely partner now, I occasionally look at that note to remind me how far I’ve come.

Well done, I hope you continue to feel lighter.
I am sure betters things await you.

Someone a few messages back mentioned a narcissist smear campaign. Something stupid happened to me like that and I'd forgotten, what happened was I had a disagreement with my partner over what I can't remember, but he said he knew I was no good because "Steve has been talking in all the local pubs about shagging you anytime anyplace anywhere and calling you the Martini girl". Steve was an ex and I was so upset I went to see a solicitor and he was issued with a cease and desist letter. What he'd allegedly said wasn't true but he was upset and baffled as he'd not said anything and hadn't even thought of me for years (likewise on my part). My partner made it all up and I felt so ridiculous.

It's like this idiot @Random100 has been going out with saying the police are involved. Just packs and packs of stupid lies to control.

Honestly fuck your belongings. Don’t get them back. What you see as a brief exchange to get your stuff, he will see as an opportunity. What opportunity I don’t know, to confront you, to attack you, to declare he’s suicidal and that you’re ruining him, etc. to him it’s just time with you pencilled in the calendar to punish you. I wouldn’t be surprised if he refuses to give you the stuff or if he has damaged them. If you are absolutely desperate to get that stuff back, make sure you have people with you and don’t hesitate to ask the police for support

These people are vampires. Parasites. Only instead of blood, they thrive on drama and their victims' distress, anxiety and fear.

When you are no longer on the table they don't get their feast. They'll do and say anything to reel you back.

A coercive controller double dose today!

Self harm threat? ✅

DARVO - deny, attack, reversing victim and offender - ie you're 'not very loving'? ✅

It's like they all queue up and are issued with The Script.

Beware the flying monkeys - when he ropes other people in to do the dirty work.

Beware the love bombing - the whining wheedling attempts to wrap you round his little finger.

Beware more mind games - he's already tried it with the police nonsense.

Blocking him would be the healthiest thing to do.

Hold on to the relief and weightlessness you are feeling right now and when you feel like you maybe relenting come back to this thread and know that you deserve much more in life, you deserve to be happy.

I hope you are safe and happy in all that you choose to do 🌺

Don’t kick yourself op. He saw you coming a mile off. You’re kind and generous, good natured. He hoovered you in. Now you’ve seen the light and can do things differently. This is a learning experience, which will set you up to have a good relationship with a decent man in the future.

Practical thought - does he have keys to where you live OP? If you can, get someone to change the locks before you get back, or do it as soon as you arrive.

Block him everywhere possible and move on! This narcissist will bring you down.

I’m pleased you’ve blocked him. One of the reasons you’re so very sad is because of invested time and brain space. He has had you wrapped up in keeping him happy for so long that you don’t know who you are or what you want anymore. Don’t let him back into your life. He will suck you dry.

Just chiming in with my congratulations. Well done OP. I know how hard it is to deal with a person like that (mine was a female 'friend' though not a person I was going out with) and you have been brave and strong.

Have a wonderful holiday and a wonderful free life without him.

Sorry you have experienced this and I hope you have a fantastic holiday. Definitely end things with him and move on. He does sound like he is bipolar and perhaps undiagnosed? Regardless, this is drama you can’t be dealing with and you need to enjoy your holiday! Good luck OP!

Someone else suggested writing down what happened - and this might help you

Write a list of why you broke up with him - events he ruined, his temper tantrums and manipulations, how you felt when you were with him, how much better you feel without him, the clarity of knowing you needed to make this decision, what you want from your future relationships. And if you have any wobbles or get dragged into seeing him/lovebombed or gaslighted, read that list again and remember what was true, how you felt and why you made your decisions

Good on you. Glad you’ve blocked him and have realised how toxic he makes things. Please just write off the belongings you still have at his and keep him blocked - don’t see him again. Please don’t get sucked back in. Glad you’re having a lovely holiday!

God he sounds awful. You've only got one life OP and it's far too short to spend it with men like this. Well done for getting rid.

Hope you have an amazing holiday!!! And enjoy every second being away from this abusive gaslighting arsehole ❤️

If the stuff you left isnt important just write it off as gone and dont give him chance to give it back, he stays blocked, you rebuild you life and this time next year you'll look back and think what a lucky escape!!!

Just sending a handhold. I am so glad you have blocked him, he is really and truly awful.

The £90 is the best money you'll ever spend on yourself, its given you your freedom back and reminded you that you don't need him. I like what a previous poster wrote - call it a Twat Tax!

I second leaving your stuff, don't go back for it. That's what I did with my stuff at an ex's house, I left it (expensive stuff too, snowboard and snowboard boots and ski clothes) and never went back. It was worth leaving them to never having to see him again! It was just stuff.

Enjoy your holiday keep him blocked, and when you get back get your locks changed, if he had a key. You may want to send a final 'do not contact me again, we broke up and I am happy to never see you again' something of that nature, just in case he comes to yours when you get back. You can call the police if you are feeling harassed, and then at least you have a date and time stamp of when you sent it.

He’s now texting me apologising and asking why I got an Uber to the airport

He'll just keep hoovering you back in with his mind- games if you let him.

i would send him a text saying he's run out of chances and then block him on all possible channels so he can't play any more manipulative games and get on with your life.

How awful! I’m so pleased you’re out of it! 💐x

Mate, he is emotionally blackmailing you and spoiling your holiday all in one fail swoop.
Bin the cunt

DARVO - deny, attack, reversing victim and offender - ie you're 'not very loving'? ✅

Didn't he also say he "feels like he's being abused".

The irony.

He is - from everything in this thread so far - pretty damn unstable.

I think you need to be very careful about your safety when you return.

I also think having a written note of things that have happened is helpful.
It helps you when they start twisting things.
Just to be prepared, he's probably not going to let this go easily. You need some real life support if you can get some.

Ignoring his messages isn't very loving? Had nor is deliboytying to ruin your trip, or paying him 90 for fuel for him not to take you to the airport, for deliberately trying to make you miss your flight! I

As PP have said, I would cut my losses and not bother with getting the remaining belongings back.

His behaviour is VILE and he is probably planning to use that guaranteed interaction (of you returning for your things) to suck you back in. If you do go back for them, go with a friend.