Can someone give a handhold? Partner tried to ruin my trip

[Random100]

Partner has a habit of ruining things. Any special occasion he kicks off to try and spoil it. He’s very childish in nature, tantrums a lot etc etc. I know I need to leave him.

I have been staying at his for a few days so has a few belongings at his. I’m off on holiday this morning with a friend and he’s been kicking off in the lead up to it. He has said multiple times he would take me to the airport, I paid for a tank full of fuel this evening as it’s double the distance that my house is from the airport.

He’s been making snide comments that I must hate him this evening. I went to bed early to try and get some sleep and he joined me not long after. All of a sudden he launched out of bed, screamed at me that I was making him physically uncomfortable in bed and stormed off, shouting his head off. I was in tears at this point.

He has just declared I must go to the airport by myself now and that he’s not taking me. He wants my belongings out the house too.

Sat in tears looking at an Uber costing me 90 quid.

Keep ignoring him.

This man is an abuser, a nasty piece of work. I’m guessing he does the love bomb thing in between his outbursts. Please don’t stay with him love, it will only get worse.

He has been blocked after I received message saying my silence is not very loving towards him.

All your messages are just agreeing with what my gut instinct has been telling me for a long time. I could kick myself.

Narcissistic personality disorder. Read about it. He was stropping as he was about to lose his supply for a few days and cdnt cope. Seeing u in tears feeds him. Go on hols, never return. He won't change

Well done OP. Be kind to yourself. I hope you’re having a wonderful time.

His mental health would be a lot better if he did not treat people like crap and try to manipulate and use them.

Please mark the day you left. Every year, spend £90 treating yourself and reminding yourself of your value and worth, and that no one will ever treat you badly again. He wont kill himself - that sort never do. They just use the threat to try and keep control of you. But you know what? If he does accidentally kill himself, it is his choice.

Ha! Gosh they are all so up their own arses aren't they! (The fucking ironic cheek of him to say that YOU are the unloving one too!🙄🧐😲).

Always playing the 'prove your goodneess/loyalty/compassion' card to try get you to impulsively defend yourself and worry you might be the problem. He's a headmelt. Well done for not taking that goady bait!
Seriously he's trying all the tools in his arsenal. But they're all standard narc moves.

Definately read up on them. 'Narcissist hoovering' and 'narcissist smear campaign' (things they may do when you leave them) wpuld help you to Google. Give you an idea of things to expect. Best offence is a good defence and all that.

Yes! Well done!!!

enjoy your holiday and your freedom!

Please do not blame yourself in anyway, you sound like a lovely caring person who sees the best in people and he has taken advantage of your kindness and patience. You have been amazingly level headed and brave, a fantastic future beckons. You will have learnt a huge amount about yourself, about what you want and deserve from relationships and you are an inspiration to other women in a similar situation. Wishing you all the happiness you deserve

So he has now given himself a reason to yet again get you back. Run rather than walk from this. If your not capable of doing that then question why and your reasons for staying. You have the energy and the wit to post on here - use both of those get away.

You need to keep this in mind if you get back in contact with him at any point, for any reason. Enjoy the rest of your holiday!

Blimey you are well rid

block
enjoy your holiday
send a friend round to get your stuff
the end

Oh good grief. He's just the worst.

Well done OP, this is where freedom starts.

Well done you! And thank you for the update. Please stay strong-he is a manipulator-and try to relax & enjoy your holiday.

You're free, OP. It can be like boiling a frog. Not any more though. Don't be hard on yourself, just carry on being awesome.

Please don't go back. He has, and will continue, to ruin everything fun in life. This will never change. Please get out now or it will be life of misery.

Please don't go back. He has, and will continue, to ruin everything fun in life. This will never change. Please get out now or it will be life of misery.

He’s a needy, cruel and twisted narcissistic pig. Don’t unblock him, just forfeit the bits you left behind and consider it a lucky escape. Your holiday is proving how much happier you are without him. Make sure that continues once you get home. Don’t be fooled/sucked in/made to feel bad about his “mental health” - we are all responsible for ourselves. He’s no longer your issue! Enjoy your new found freedom! ☺️

This

Can you do some journaling OP? Write in detail about how you feel, the freedom & relief, how it contrasts with the way you feel when you are in contact with him, etc.
Something you can read in the future to strengthen your resolve if you ever feel tempted to respond to him.

That was my thought as well.

OP, I suggest you ignore all threats of suicide in this case. They are classic manipulative ploys in Narcissists, and he certainly seems to be one. If, and this is rare in these cases, he were to follow through, it is his choice, and far more of a "I'll show HER" case than an "I can't live without you" case. Once he knows you're gone for good, he'll replace you without a thought.

Just want to add my congratulations for getting out of this toxic relationship! Please, please, please NEVER be tempted or coerced back into it. Be prepared to be the subject of a long drawn out smear campaign but know there are people all around you who know how a narcissist works. Hopefully they will also see through the lies.

@Lifeomars
@0sm0nthus
@KimFan

Wonderful advice from all of you, you've probably helped others in the same situation as OP.

Well done for blocking him.
Also, on a quick scroll through all the comments it doesn't really seem to have been explicitly said (although I might just have missed it) but the behaviour you have been seeing from him very much falls under the category of domestic abuse.
There doesn't have to be violence for it to be domestic abuse.
He has tried to isolate you from friends by making you feel guilty for seeing them.
He had made attempted to control your movements.
Sounds like he has made you feel scared when he is shouting and screaming at you.
Once you have left he has a continuous cycle of trying to get you back by apologising and saying he will change.
When this doesn't work he has threatened to hurt himself (which again is considered abusive behaviour and is not an uncommon tactic used by abusers).
With the threats to hurt himself, although it is incredibly distressing for you, it is not acceptable behaviour from him and you are not responsible for what he does!!

I'm saying all this in the hopes you take seriously what he is doing because when you are on the inside it can be very difficult to see the abusive behaviours especially as lots of women don't recognise abuse when there isn't physical violence.

And know that there is help available through domestic abuse charities like women's aid, do not feel bad asking them for help, they will take you seriously and support you.