This is a personality disorder - and he cannot, will not and does not want to change.
He has an ‘in’ as long as you keep that line of communication open. Poke poke poke in your mind, fucking up your trip. Block him.
There are four billion men on the planet. This one's yet another dud.
Let that £90 and few bits and pieces go. Freedom!
Now: Many men believe they own their partner. Property. Things.
And if she leaves, she is depriving him of his property.
And if there are children and she takes them - that's more of his property she's taken from him.
In his bent mind that makes her an abuser. So she must be punished.
That might involve going all out to bring her back under control. Love bombing, pressing all the buttons to rekindle all the warm fuzzy feelings he knows she really wants. It's utterly cynical because he doesn't love or miss her - he is doing what's necessary to retrieve his property over which he must regain control.
Apologies, tears, promises, I'll do better - whatever it takes. Try this, try that. See what sticks. Text, text, text. Constantly in her mind under remote control. Poke poke poke.
Then when she’s reeled back in, it all starts again because his property's back in its box and he can do what he likes with it.
If course, if the domestic appliance then malfunctions; goes out by itself, with its friends, pays attention to something other than him - that's unsatisfactory. It's playing up again and that's infuriating.
And if she digs her heels in and refuses to go back - the property's malfunctioning again. Cue the threats - I'll destroy your stuff, I'll kill myself, I'll tell the police you're abusing me, I'll tell everyone you're crazy, I'll harm you, I'll harm the kids …
Because the property has to be back in the box where it belongs, under his control.
He does not love you.
In his mind he owns you. And if you have children, that's more property to control and hold over you. It will only get worse.
I do hope you'll do the best thing, end this and block. Walk away and don't look back.