Can someone give a handhold? Partner tried to ruin my trip

[Random100]

Partner has a habit of ruining things. Any special occasion he kicks off to try and spoil it. He’s very childish in nature, tantrums a lot etc etc. I know I need to leave him.

I have been staying at his for a few days so has a few belongings at his. I’m off on holiday this morning with a friend and he’s been kicking off in the lead up to it. He has said multiple times he would take me to the airport, I paid for a tank full of fuel this evening as it’s double the distance that my house is from the airport.

He’s been making snide comments that I must hate him this evening. I went to bed early to try and get some sleep and he joined me not long after. All of a sudden he launched out of bed, screamed at me that I was making him physically uncomfortable in bed and stormed off, shouting his head off. I was in tears at this point.

He has just declared I must go to the airport by myself now and that he’s not taking me. He wants my belongings out the house too.

Sat in tears looking at an Uber costing me 90 quid.

What everyone else has said, this is a ploy. He didn't manage to stop you going so is trying to make you anxious and ruin your holiday. Don't let him.

I honestly would send the classic thumbs up and block, or this is likely to escalate from his end.

Tosser.

Nothing will come of it. He's just trying to convince you that you're the problem and he's the victim. Of course he thinks he's the victim - because nothing is ever his fault. If he did do something bad, it never happened. If it did happen, someone made him do it. They all come out with the same pile of bollocks.

This is why it's so important to block. He wants to trigger you and upset you. Don't let him have the opportunity to.

Just get him out of your life. There is no there sensible course of action and it's only difficult if you choose to make it so. Turn the self-pity into anger. He is a nasty, coercive controlling piece of shit and you need to find a way to tune your emotional response to that reality. Tell him in no uncertain terms that it's over then block him on every form of communication and move on with your life. If he refuse to leave you alone then report him for harassment. You've been suckered into letting him reel you back in too many times. Learn from your mistakes or be doomed to repeat them.

Sorry if that is not quite in the spirit of the handhold you asked for but I truly believe you need blunt advice to help to find your anger and channel it in the right direction.

100% block him. Get someone else to grab your stuff or just write it off. Enjoy your break and never look back!

Having worked with the police on DV and safeguarding stuff - they normally (not always) attend when the incident has been reported not the morning after. If they have been really busy overnight then they may do a welfare check later than they normally would. If they get in touch - you tell them the truth about his behaviour and how he treats you - there will be no further action. Plus you probably have all sorts of evidence on text etc of what a dick he is!!

Send him one final text to say its over and block everything. Why on earth are you continuing to engage with him - you are on holiday, this is a new chapter for you - so have a wonderful time.

Take care and good luck xx

Why hasn't she dumped him? Well, I've had two very, very verbally abusive jealous boyfriends who were prolific tantrumers and reliable ruiners of days out, parties etc. So why didn't I just dump/block them? Because the first one repeatedly threatened to kill me and the kids, the second threatened to kill himself. Eventually I did get out (and discovered the threats had been total BS because neither of them has ever killed anyone AFAIK) but I'm certain that some element of threat or blackmail is present in the OP's relationship, even if only implicitly. Plus, the nice/nasty abuse cycle is hard to break away from until you see it for what it is - and luckily she now realises that he won't change.

I hope the OP has a great trip and never speaks to the loser ever again.

This and what @zingally said are insightful and I'd agree with @KellyMaureen that there's some history of his behaviour other than what the op said. Probably subtle to begin with, "I'll miss you if you go out with Sharon" sort of thing but ramping up to really ruin occasions.

It sounds as though he is trying to spoil things for you OP and get into your head as he knows he has lost you now. His message doesn't ring true.....if the neighbour had really reported they heard screaming surely the police would check it out straightaway rather than wait until the next morning?

I agree with everyone else; mute, block and (ruthlessly) dump him. Enjoy your holiday.

He's full of shit. The police story may be a total invention, and even if the police really did come round and he really did accuse you of all the crimes under the sun, he won't be able to prove it because it isn't true at all. Even if he's the most plausible liar ever, he won't have any evidence because there won't be any. My first severely abusive ex was always threatening me with police and courts too, but nothing ever came of it. His supposed case against me never even made any sense.

He's a lying bastard, just determined to ruin your holiday any way he can. Block the fucker.

Text message:

John, I do not want you in my life a second longer. You can donate or bin the items I have left behind, I have no need for them. I will not be responding to any more of your messages, and will block you now. Please do not try to contact me ever again.

Then block him and mean it, use the holiday for a reset and enjoy your new freedom from emotional abuse.

🌷

Yes it's easy for us all to say , dump him , block but the people replying are just trying to help.

Ive had an abusive boyfriend myself so I do know it's hard when you think you love them .

Abusive people are very clever and manipulative and it's really a kind of grooming technique after all the love bombing that's what you are waiting for again but its so up and down they then become nasty, it's all so confusing.

Noone judges the poster , we are judging the boyfriend and everyone is right she does need to leave him as it will only get worse.

He's a liar @Random100 , he will say anything to try and make this your fault and to try and ruin your holiday. If the police turned up they would be looking at him as the abuser- you were the one crying while he screamed at you, not the other way around. He feels "abused" because he's not getting his own way and he's desperately trying to guilt trip you, what a meanie you are, you went away and left him.
Seriously Op, please, please stop engaging with him, he didn't manage to make you stay at home so now he's hell bent on ruining your holiday, if you don't read his messages he can't get to you. The police will NOT be waiting to see you on your return and if they were, it would be to see if you were OK or wanted to press charges against him.

Consider the £90 a Twat Tax - this is what it costs you to get rid of one, a bargain I would say!

Block him on every possible platform, or at the very least mute his messages/calls so that he can't ruin your holiday further and deal with any police stuff (big chinny reckon on that one IMHO) when you get back.

Try to enjoy your holiday, you deserve it.

This made me laugh wish I could get some tax on the twats I used to go out with id be rich 😂

Hope you can shut off and enjoy your holiday , block his number for now . Take care of yourself

Run fast and far. He’s going to use the police as blackmail, he’ll tell the you are abusive etc…let him. The both out told them he was the one screaming whilst you were upset.

This is the behaviour my father displayed, we could never have a nice holiday/day out wispy him storming into a rage for no reason. He ruined everything when I was a child and I still hate him for that and the psychological issues me and my sibling were left with. He was a narcissist as well.

He is lying. Even if the police did turn up, they will be used to lying men claiming it wasn't them.

He is trying to ruin your holiday and it's working. Block him now. Never see him again.

Have a lovely holiday

Ruining important events is a common abuse tactic. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes subconsciously. Either way, it stems from him not being able to see you happy, especially when it doesn't center around him.

Classic DARVO. Look it up and how to manage it.

You need a simple, firm response and then block on all channels. Write off your stuff because that will be how he worms back in.

‘We both know this relationship is over. I don’t want to speak again. Keep my things.”

Then block and enjoy your holiday and take the time away to get excited about your future free of this gaslighting arsehole.

I would actually call his bluff on the police story, can you call the non emergency number, explain the situation and that you are currently away but log that he’s using this to threaten you and you do feel concerned about his behaviour.

If it’s lies they’ll say there’s no record of the call or visit, if it’s true they’ll have your call on record.

Dont reply to him, ignore him and block him now.

If you can get someone to change your locks while you’re away then do, if not get someone to come and meet you when you get home and do it but in the meantime just enjoy your holiday.

There are two explanations for the police story.

The overwhelming likelihood is that it is a total fabrication and he is simply lying to you. He is panicking because he realises that he has pushed you too far this time and he has had to create something really dramatic to suck you back in. Do not let him. Block his number.

There is a much much smaller possibility that the story is genuine. If this is the case there are no potential negative ramifications for you. The neighbour heard a distressed woman and a man screaming at her. You fear that he will be able to spin himself as a victim to the police, but this is only because he has spent so much time wearing you down and undermining your confidence, and this is not your fault. No-one else is going to be persuaded by this and the police, if involved, will see right through him. Block his number.

Don't you think that if it were true the neighbour called the police last night in fear of your safety, that they would have come out a lot sooner?

I don't believe any of it.

Enjoy your holiday! X

He's a lying twat. If it was that bad, why didn't the police come round last night? He's trying to ruin your holiday. Block him now and get this waster out of your life and mind.