Can someone give a handhold? Partner tried to ruin my trip

[Random100]

Partner has a habit of ruining things. Any special occasion he kicks off to try and spoil it. He’s very childish in nature, tantrums a lot etc etc. I know I need to leave him.

I have been staying at his for a few days so has a few belongings at his. I’m off on holiday this morning with a friend and he’s been kicking off in the lead up to it. He has said multiple times he would take me to the airport, I paid for a tank full of fuel this evening as it’s double the distance that my house is from the airport.

He’s been making snide comments that I must hate him this evening. I went to bed early to try and get some sleep and he joined me not long after. All of a sudden he launched out of bed, screamed at me that I was making him physically uncomfortable in bed and stormed off, shouting his head off. I was in tears at this point.

He has just declared I must go to the airport by myself now and that he’s not taking me. He wants my belongings out the house too.

Sat in tears looking at an Uber costing me 90 quid.

Block him and move on. Where is your relationship going, anyway? Would you like to be left high and dry by this drama queen, but with a baby in tow someday? I doubt it, so time to cut him loose.

This is one of the worst sorts of control and abuse because it doesn't revolve around him, and because you are daring to do something without him he can't cope with it. But more than that, he chooses to gaslight to add to the sabotage to twist it so that he turns it on YOU for having done something wrong, not listened to him or rebuffed his oh so kind supportive gestures. It's all kinds of twisted and I would bet my life savings on that he has done other sorts of things like that to keep you where he wants you, an emotional punchbag.

I wish you a wonderful holiday and fresh start away from him. The £90 is a small price to pay for excising this twat out of your life for good. Don't give in and let him worm his way around you. Block him so he isn't texting rubbish when you're away.

Classic sabotaging because he can’t deal with his own jealousy and insecurities so he tries to ruin your happiness. Anyone who truly loved you would want you to have fun and be happy. Leave him and don’t allow him to apologise! It means nothing when he doesn’t change his behaviour.

That might be the best £90 you ever spent. Who knows what bullshit he would have pulled on the drive. I would never contact him again. Tell him you met someone on holiday if you have to get rid of him.

My ex was like this, even down to him deliberately leaving my lights on in my car to try and flatten the battery so I couldn't go away with friends.

I had two straws that broke my back, the first one was when I went to court to legally adopt my dd, he kept me up all night (similar to your stbex) on purpose, arguing about nothing, so I was so tired the next day and then a week or so later he was driving me up to Scotland for an important meeting as my car was in the garage (I was treating him to a weekend in Edinburgh afterwards), and he kept trying and trying to cause an argument, then made an argument up and stormed out that evening telling me I could find my own way to Scotland. £180 in train fares later I made my own way up and had a wonderful time on my own.

Don't let him keep ruining what should be lovely experiences. It only gets worse, it's abusive behaviour.

Lucky escape, I know a few men who get sulky when their wive goes on holiday (or to visit their grown children), this is men in their 70’s!

Tell him he owes you £90 for the patrol then block him

If you don't block him, you'll spend your entire trip texting him, it'll go backwards and forwards all week, as he tries to take over your trip with his communication as his plan to stop you going didn't work, so taking all your time via your phone so the next best thing

This!

Absolutely been there - live a Pavlov's dog, I even had a station on approach to my native town, from which I started feeling anxious, anticipating my 'return home' from work. No longer together, but that station still triggers the same physiological response.

He has major form for causing a drama when there’s some sort of occasion.

He sounds like a textbook narc - this is what they do, if it’s not about them they ruin everything that should be nice. And then lovebomb you to try and draw you in again - don’t fall for it, it’s just manipulation until the next time.

This. It will be the best money you ever spent.

Thank fuck...

1. You are not married to him
2. You do not live with him.

Jesus is there a factory where they produce these faulty males??

OP - the best advice I ever got when I was in a similar exhausting, manipulative drama relationship, was from a friend and was something like this.

'All relationships have issues and need 'work' sometimes - and that's fine. But if the relationship is constant work with no baseline of happiness, joy, stability or comfort - you have to question if it is a relationship? And if only one person is doing all this 'work' and changing themself and their reactions to preserve the 'relationship' while the other behaves as they please, then its no relationship at all.

He is a never regretted ex. She is still my best friend of many years.

I really hope you have a fabulous holiday with a feeling of freedom, lightness and happiness because you stood up to the crap he had planned to ruin it for you. Block him, dont get drawn in to texts and manipulation, just concentrate on having a good time with your friend. And when you come back send someone else over for your stuff or let it go - no meetings/apologies/discussions or opportunities for him to reel you back in. You deserve much more out your life than a manipulative joy thief.

You’re well rid of this utter shambles of a man. Relax and have a wonderful holiday. Once you get your stuff back from him you will never have to see him again. That must feel so liberating! And £90 is a very small price to pay for getting rid of this loser! Have lots of fun 🍾✈💐

Enjoy your trip but please don’t allow him to worm his way back in as you say he has done before. You don’t need to stay in such an abusive relationship!

This is abuse and I'd consider the £90 a cheap price to pay for having clarity and realising that this relationship is toxic. I'd also send him one final text telling him to dump the rest of your stuff in the skip (again, another small price to pay) and then I would block him and cease all communication. This is dead in the water. Go and enjoy your holiday and celebrate the fact that you've left a cruel and controlling wanker.

I hate to say it OP but you don't sound nearly as appalled as you should do by his abusive behaviour.

You've already been groomed to accept it by forgiving - and you're going to have to make a real effort to see it for what it really is and leave him.

This is bad enough - and men like this only get worse.

Please don’t let him worm his way back in. If in doubt just fast forward to the future and him having tantrums because it’s your child’s birthday etc.

You now have the FREEDOM to have 100s of enjoyable holidays

You don't need this man in your life

I agree, cut all contact

He can bin the stuff that you left at his property

He's an abuser. Please don't go back to him.

This (as in his) behaviour ISNT coincidental. It's deliberate. He creates drama and fuss and bad vibes for you, so your attention is brought back to him. Anything to bring it back to him. It's narcissistic behaviour, he's probably a covert narcissist.
The behaviour will never change.
My husband is exactly the same. He created drama when my own father was dying last year so my attention was put back on him. But it's not even loving attention they want. They hate us. But we have the ability to love, which they don't.

That 90 quid is money well spent if it gets you away from him for good.

My sister does this to me. It is terrible. She sometimes gets me to the point where I feel I am having a nervous breakdown. She just recently threw one of her fits at me, throwing buckets of verbal shit over me for no good reason and it has finally hit home that she actually hates me. Very painful.

Blimey, I'd pay five times the amount of the Uber to get rid of this fruitcake. He is seriously not right. Run for the hills and don't look back.

A suitable case for treatment.

£90 sounds like a good investment in seeing the light and never, ever, ever letting this awful man back into your life.

Glad you made it to the airport. Enjoy your holiday. Don't ruin it by thinking about him or engaging with him online. Block him on everything and start your new life without him in it.