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Original poster

Porn again ..

174 replies

Sleepy889 · 30/04/2024 13:40

A couple of years ago, I found porn sites on DH phone to show favourites on safari.
We had a discussion about it, I said it felt disrespectful and I felt betrayed because I can't complete with that.
He said he'd not look again, ofc he did but I know he has an addictive personality so stood to reason it'd happen again
So today when I looked I saw free live girls as one of them and I draw the line at that. I don't exactly know what this entails perhaps someone can enlighten me though I can guess.
I've felt sick all morning about it because other than this we have a lovely life and great relationship.
I can hardly bring it up because he'll know I've been looking, the site in question is X hamster.

OP posts:
Flowersonmyorchid · 30/04/2024 19:56

chocolaterevs · 30/04/2024 19:31

A shift is happening. I feel like a lot of women just can't be arsed with men anymore and having to tolerate all the things they do that make us feel less than.

Some fantastic responses about why porn isn't in fact healthy at all. I am old enough to remember a time before the internet, when porn wasn't easily accessible. Trust me, sex was different. I feel sorry for women who have grown up in this internet generation and know no different.

That's just it, sex is different. A quick wank (for either sex) is not the same as having sex with a partner who you love.

RockyRogue1001 · 30/04/2024 19:57

It's so distasteful to me the amount of people, mainly men, who've clearly been attracted to this thread by the use of the word "porn" in the title, who have basically ignored the OP, other than to dismiss and belittle what this thread is about and instead justify something THEY enjoy. And then go on (and on and on) to describe in detail what they enjoy.
Absolutely revolting 🤢
And tedious. Who gives a fuck what some sad little man wants to wank off to!

@Sleepy889 you're not wrong to feel disrespected. You have been. And lied to. It's not pleasant and it's not what a healthy, loving relationship is.
Your partner is supposed to make you feel good.
I'm sorry for what you're going through

Jeannie88 · 30/04/2024 19:58

I used to get really upset about it when we were younger, not that DH was a big porn fanatic. However I have come to understand that for a quick self satisfaction it's actually just that, physical stimulation, as in the when having to ejaculate for sperms tests the porn mags.

Am I correct in saying women can enjoy porn too? From reading the rude parts of mills and boon at a young age, watching porn that is satisfying to a woman?

So yes I did used to think it was a case of 'he should only be thinking about me' but it's just instant gratification now and then. Xx

Jeannie88 · 30/04/2024 20:03

Having read some more comments, it goes without saying the young porn sites are of course not on. In my mind I was just thinking of the pros who have chosen to do it or amateur couples. Xx

AppleStrudel23 · 30/04/2024 20:10

My husband is extremely anti-porn. He's devoutly religious (we both are) and he thinks it's a really destructive thing to watch even if he was an atheist. I think you're totally justified to have a problem with that, even though to others it's a bit of fun or a way to de stress it's actually not harmless at all. It creates unrealistic expectations during sex, he could get desensitised to it and look for more hardcore things or look for women to even chat too to get his fix, he could slip into a porn addiction, your sex life could suffer too if that's where he's seeking his pleasure, it could totally impact your self worth and how you see yourself and your love life and finally it's already harmful as it has already upset you and he said he'd stop but he didn't.

Again, I am a religious nutter so I'm quite hard about these topics but the good points of him watching porn do not outweigh it's negatives to himself, to you and to your marriage as a whole.

Crikeyalmighty · 30/04/2024 20:25

Being very honest too I do think 'some' women put up with stuff they don't 100% like when there is a certain amount of dependency going on - be it income, child care , housing etc and whilst that is needed they kind of just get on with life to keep the lifestyle and work on the 'don't want to know' basis about stuff like this- some of course genuinely don't care - which is fine if they are fine with it- others simply have no idea it's going on.

C1N1C · 30/04/2024 20:37

Slightly off-topic, one thing that's often thrown around is that men are more visual and 'require' things like porn to get excited while they're on their own... while women are more emotional and imaginative, and so fins it easier to get lost on themselves, so may not necessarily find it useful.

I wonder whether that's backed up in any way by any evidence.

KitKatChunki · 30/04/2024 20:41

C1N1C · 30/04/2024 20:37

Slightly off-topic, one thing that's often thrown around is that men are more visual and 'require' things like porn to get excited while they're on their own... while women are more emotional and imaginative, and so fins it easier to get lost on themselves, so may not necessarily find it useful.

I wonder whether that's backed up in any way by any evidence.

No it isn't. Men have less willpower to not do things they think they can get away with and enjoy taboo subjects because amongst men it gives them kudos. Men wank for men on a very basic level.
Porn is made to be addictive, so the "need" is more about dopamine addiction.

Telemakus · 30/04/2024 20:57

Porn is the least women should be worried about. The numbers of married men who use prostitutes is far higher than most would believe. Anyone who has worked night shifts in a hotel will tell you that.

KitKatChunki · 30/04/2024 21:16

Telemakus · 30/04/2024 20:57

Porn is the least women should be worried about. The numbers of married men who use prostitutes is far higher than most would believe. Anyone who has worked night shifts in a hotel will tell you that.

Edited

Can attest to this. Perverts calling all night on the reception desk too.
I don't think it negates the legitimate worry about porn though, but it's men who should be worried about it. Maybe they'll wake up one day.

Steamboats · 30/04/2024 21:16

Telemakus · 30/04/2024 20:57

Porn is the least women should be worried about. The numbers of married men who use prostitutes is far higher than most would believe. Anyone who has worked night shifts in a hotel will tell you that.

Edited

Is this some sort of league table of things women should worry about?
Sorry but you make it sound as though because married men visit prostitutes then women shouldn't be concerned about porn.

KitKatChunki · 30/04/2024 21:36

Steamboats · 30/04/2024 21:16

Is this some sort of league table of things women should worry about?
Sorry but you make it sound as though because married men visit prostitutes then women shouldn't be concerned about porn.

Edited
Show quote history

Agreed. Weird point to make when we've all said porn objectifies women and leads to a lot of men ending up single (presumably having to pay for sex)!

Telemakus · 30/04/2024 21:37

Steamboats · 30/04/2024 21:16

Is this some sort of league table of things women should worry about?
Sorry but you make it sound as though because married men visit prostitutes then women shouldn't be concerned about porn.

Edited
Show quote history

I genuinely couldn't care less. It's pretty funny though.

KitKatChunki · 30/04/2024 21:42

Telemakus · 30/04/2024 21:37

I genuinely couldn't care less. It's pretty funny though.

Show quote history

Tell that to the man who has to spend hundreds to spaff his load and get a hug!

Telemakus · 30/04/2024 21:45

KitKatChunki · 30/04/2024 21:42

Tell that to the man who has to spend hundreds to spaff his load and get a hug!

Show quote history

The hug is probably extra.

Pancakee · 30/04/2024 21:48

I don’t have a problem with porn unless it’s some horrible fetish/ underage girls or interferes with our sex life. Surely everyone has a private sex life. Don’t you masturbate? Do you always think of your DH when you do? I know I don’t, but it’s private to me. I would hate for DH to police my sexual fantasies. Very controlling.

ontheflighttosingapore · 30/04/2024 21:48

This is how I see it. Husbands watch it because they arnt getting enough sex the wife finds out and then he gets even less sex !

Menomeno · 30/04/2024 21:52

ontheflighttosingapore · 30/04/2024 21:48

This is how I see it. Husbands watch it because they arnt getting enough sex the wife finds out and then he gets even less sex !

Or maybe the wives aren’t getting enough sex because he can’t get it up because he’s got porn-induced erectile dysfunction?

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 30/04/2024 21:54

Pancakee · 30/04/2024 21:48

I don’t have a problem with porn unless it’s some horrible fetish/ underage girls or interferes with our sex life. Surely everyone has a private sex life. Don’t you masturbate? Do you always think of your DH when you do? I know I don’t, but it’s private to me. I would hate for DH to police my sexual fantasies. Very controlling.

Humans don’t need porn to masturbate though 🤨 men would be more than capable of having sexual fantasies if they didn’t use porn, and they could re learn that ability if they stopped using.

Pancakee · 30/04/2024 22:03

Lots of women use porn too.
I have in the past too.
Nothing to do with my Dh
Why do you even check you DHs phone?

DeadbeatYoda · 30/04/2024 22:03

Before the advent of the internet, porn was not on tap in the way it is now and many men did not look at porn with any regularity or frequency. There are still loads of men that don't use porn. If it isn't your thing, it's perfectly acceptable for you to draw that line. Not everyone needs to watch other people having sex to get their jollies.

Pancakee · 30/04/2024 22:07

DeadbeatYoda · 30/04/2024 22:03

Before the advent of the internet, porn was not on tap in the way it is now and many men did not look at porn with any regularity or frequency. There are still loads of men that don't use porn. If it isn't your thing, it's perfectly acceptable for you to draw that line. Not everyone needs to watch other people having sex to get their jollies.

People did. They had magazines. Unless you go back to BC.

Snowflakes1122 · 30/04/2024 22:11

RockyRogue1001 · 30/04/2024 19:57

It's so distasteful to me the amount of people, mainly men, who've clearly been attracted to this thread by the use of the word "porn" in the title, who have basically ignored the OP, other than to dismiss and belittle what this thread is about and instead justify something THEY enjoy. And then go on (and on and on) to describe in detail what they enjoy.
Absolutely revolting 🤢
And tedious. Who gives a fuck what some sad little man wants to wank off to!

@Sleepy889 you're not wrong to feel disrespected. You have been. And lied to. It's not pleasant and it's not what a healthy, loving relationship is.
Your partner is supposed to make you feel good.
I'm sorry for what you're going through

I noticed the creepy men flock to these kind of posts too. Hanging around a forum aimed at women ready to lecture us all about their entitlement to porn.

Porn has warped their brains into seeing us as nothing more than a blow up doll ready to serve their needs. I honestly think most don’t see realise they are addicted either.

Sad wankers indeed.

DeadbeatYoda · 30/04/2024 22:21

@Pancakee
If you read my post again you'll see I said it wasn't on tap like it is now. I'm old enough to remember top shelf magazines and I know that it was common for teen boys to have a porn stash under their mattress. However, lots of boys didn't have these magazines. The likes of Razzle and playboy were very different to the proliferation of abusive pornography that is now normalised by some we too d of society.

DeadbeatYoda · 30/04/2024 22:22

*by some sections of society