Supporting a partner with long term health (e.g. high blood pressure)

[theprincessthepea]

My partner has high blood pressure. We are in our early 30s and he has had hypertension since his mid 20s. We’ve been together for 4 years.

He manages it pretty well, cooks food with little salt, exercises and balances stress or takes time off Work when it gets too much. He gets headaches often which he will nap off and will take medication only if his blood pressure is super high.

Now that our relationship is becoming serious, I’m starting to wonder what more I should know about high blood pressure - I’ve googled it - but I guess I’m looking for real life situations. I’ve asked him how I can support (his answer is living a stress free life).

I guess I’m scared something bad could happen. Does it get worse as you age?

How have some of you dealt with partners with health conditions such as HBP?

He should be on BP medication if his BP is high. It will bring his BP down to usual levels.
Does he monitor it regularly with an arm cuff BP monitor?
It can be genetic.
Raised BP = increased risk of stroke. He should be on medication. I’d be concerned about the headaches
Is he overweight?

It increase your risk of cardiovascular disease, stroke, heart attack, dementia, renal disease, erection problems etc. It does tend to worsen as we age due to the narrowing and stiffening of blood vessels.
He needs to take his medication all the time, not let it get 'super high' before he does. He's playing a very risky game. Chronic hypertension is rarely caused by stress.
HCP.

How high is his blood pressure? Is he on medication?

How high is his BP? and he should be taking his medication regularly, not just when he feels like it. 'Super high' is at increased risk for a stroke and he's being an idiot if he doesn't take the tablets.

Is he overweight, does he exercise and how often does the GP monitor him?

Medication is for all the time. He needs his meds every single day.

or he is looking at a stroke in the next few years, and a heart attack soon after.

get him back to the dr and get the medication sorted. And buy an annual prepayment prescription pass.

He should be on medication for chronic hypertension, organized initially by his GP. He may have a genetic or other condition that makes it higher or it might just run high as it does for many people, but it's better to get on top of it. I don't think modern life can ever be stress-free enough and I don't see that as the solution for him.

High BP isn't an illness, though, it's a risk factor, like smoking or drinking too much, the effects might not show through for years. If it's getting so he has a lot of headaches and has to have lie downs, he should be on meds that control it full-time, not at times of crisis.

'Gets headaches often' is ringing alarm bells. How often and how bad?

@Autumcolors he isn’t overweight. Yes it’s genetic, both parents have it but we’re affected later in life.

He doesn’t want to take medication - his personal choice - so he takes it when he has a bad period.

No he doesn’t monitor it. I’ll tell him to get a machine. He predicts it’s high blood pressure based on how he might feel.

Medication, as others have said! They are like magic and you don't realise until you start taking them. When I went for a Doctor's appt she had to take my BP and it was off the scale! Immediate prescription given, I took the first tablet and could the benefit straight away. Like your DH, I was aware and just tried to do manage it but clearly didn't. It's not shameful to take Medication, these pills have been created to help with issues and make a huge difference. Xx

My understanding of high BP is that its the cumulative effect of the meds which is what keeps the BP stable

If he has consistently high BP and is getting headaches from it (that's quite worrying) he should take his BP meds every day

There are lots of herbs and lifestyle changes which can help....but first and foremost he needs to get the BP consistently to 130/80 at home

I don't think it's up to you to 'support' a boyfriends high blood pressure, when he's not bothered about it enough to do anything about it himself.

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain Ive noticed that the headaches happen at least twice a month. I’ve told him that they have been more regular lately and he has dismissed it as work stress (he is a teacher so pretty high stress!)

Ive actually never been to an appointment with him but I will find out how high it is.

He does take his fitness seriously. His dad is quite overweight though! So the future worries me a little. But he walks regularly, has weights etc to train at home and wants to join a local gym.

He wants to take a few days off work and is getting headaches again hence why I’m worried as for him “sleeping it off” is enough.

Dh has high blood pressure. He takes medication and we have a blood pressure machine at home to ensure the medication is working.

He had what was thankfully a minor stroke during lockdown. Prior to that, he was fairly relaxed (cavalier) about it but then so were our GPs. At the time of the stroke, our youngest child was 2 and dh was in his early 40s. It was a rather difficult period. Dh couldn't drive until he'd had an MRI reviewed by a consultant which he found very stressful. The children hated him being in hospital and our eldest really struggled because he associated hospital with death.

Dh's appears to be genetic, not stress or life style related.

He doesn’t want to take medication - his personal choice - so he takes it when he has a bad period

One day that 'bad period' is going to be a stroke. Sorry to be blunt, but he's an idiot. High BP isn't called the silent killer for nothing. Meds for BP aren't like an aspirin you take when it hurts - you need the cumulative effect.

There are lots of herbs and lifestyle changes which can help....but first and foremost he needs to get the BP consistently to 130/80 at home

This. And take his medication every day.

As others have said, he needs to take his medication properly. It's not like deciding not to take painkillers for a headache.

As far as chronic health conditions go, high blood pressure should barely be a blip. It’s almost offensive to consider it as living with someone with a chronic health problem because it should be so trivial. He can follow a healthy diet, take a pill once a day, and take his blood pressure at home on a schedule that befits its stability.

the problem you have is that he isn’t taking his medication. It may be his choice, but it’s a big problem. If just adjusting his diet was going to work, he wouldn’t be having symptoms or periods of high blood pressure.

I'd be extremely worried about having children with someone who isn't doing their utmost to manage their chronic health. You'll find yourself parenting alone otherwise, either because he's too unwell or because he's opting out.

Yeah, this. Once the medication has stabilised it he can address the lifestyle issues like exercise and diet. Along with millions of people I'm on medication for HBP and barely notice it as an issue.

I get it about the meds. I started mine in my 60s and up till then I'd never been on medication for anything, and it was a huge mental shift to 'I have to take tablets every day' - and your BF is half my age, so I understand the resistance. The alternative is worse, though.

*He doesn’t want to take medication - his personal choice - so he takes it when he has a bad period.

No he doesn’t monitor it. I’ll tell him to get a machine. He predicts it’s high blood pressure based on how he might feel*

People like this make me want to SCREAM

You do not take BP meds like paracetamol for fucks sake. CUMULATIVE is the important factor

He doesn't monitor? He should be taking daily readings, morning and evening to check that the daily BP meds are working

Then once the BP is stable, he can try some non med ideas

🙄

@theprincessthepea I dont think you understand high blood pressure and you need to listen to the replies so you can make informed choices.

High blood pressure is like diabetes. If it’s diagnosed and medication is prescribed it’s needed all the time.

If you don’t take the medication all the time you can expect serious consequences much earlier than most eg stroke, heart attack, blood clots, stents, heart bypass in your 50s.

Imagine if a diabetic said they only take their meds when their sugars right off the charts but not when it’s too high every day 😵‍💫

It seems he’s not managing the condition well as he wants to pretend it doesn’t exist (who wouldn’t) but this will likely lead to more medications and problems in the long run.

You may understand better if you know how high it is. Generally there are no symptoms with b/p so if he is actually having b/p induced headaches it may be very high.

Absolute max for people who don’t need blood pressure meds is up
to 120/80. If medicated they allow it a little higher (as it’s accepted that it can be very difficult to
lower).

https://www.nhs.uk/health-assessment-tools/check-your-blood-pressure-reading

That's madness not taking the medication all the time and waiting for symptoms! BP can go very high with absolutely no symptoms and then it's just doing damage internally with no obvious outward sign! The only way to prevent that is to take the pills.

My brother has recently been diagnosed with very high BP, caught totally by accident, he never had a symptom of any sort but is now on more than likely liftime medication. He's very lucky it was caught!

He predicts it’s high blood pressure based on how he might feel

You can't 'predict' high BP. I didn't even know I was hypertensive until I went to the GP for a stubborn cough and that GP, may she be ever blessed, decided to take my BP as I was new to the surgery. I was signed off immediately - it was something like 185 - and on meds immediately. Guess what - apart from the cough I felt fine.

This is such a strange post
I have high blood pressure. No one needs to manage me.
Is he actually telling the truth? It's just such a weird post

@theprincessthepea this is ridiculous. There’s no way to know when your b/p was high. If you had symptoms you might need an ambulance. You dont pop b/p meds they have to be taken every day in order to work.

So, what we are all almost saying, is run. Right now. He will be seriously incapacitated by the time he is 45 if he doesn’t get his BP down to the level a previous poster posted.

he won’t get life insurance or holiday insurance if he has even a mild stroke. So no holidays abroad as flying is too dangerous, and no mortgage as he can’t afford the life insurance premiums.